AIBU to stop buying presents for an adult child who never acknowledges mine

[HoneyDaily]

Would you continue to buy Christmas/ Birthday presents for adult child who doesn’t acknowledge you on yours , not even with a card.

I know. I have an autistic son. I’m still going to call you out for saying a text is arduous.

Well I really feel for your son then if you can't understand why.

No. I would be the bigger person.

It’s so hard but I would

So how DO you show courtesy, love, affection, kindness if words like "thank you" are in your opinion merely meaningless and transactional?

I’m so pleased a continued back and forth about gift giving and telling a mother on MN that you feel sorry for her child for having her as a mother isn’t as arduous for you as texting someone thank you for a present.

It's not, because it lacks obligation. I can duck out any time I want.

I spend quality time with people, enjoy their company, have nice conversations, cook for them etc. Rather than the empty gesture of a card.

I also thank people- possibly to excess- for the actual kindnesses they have shown me- spending time with me, helping me out, genuinely thinking of me etc. These are the things that really count.

How convenient for you to only do things you don’t feel obligated to do.

I can assure you, you are not the same as my son, as you said yourself “we’re not all the same you know”. My son has manners, he doesn’t hide behind his diagnosis with a disregard for other people, he knows he is not the centre of the universe.

it's not an excuse for everything

but regardless, you'd think their own MOTHER would know if that was the case!

so in short, you use whatever excuse you find to be rude and unkind, got you

You'd think so, wouldn't you 🙄

In an ideal world, you might reach the compromise DSis and I have, we each by a present for ourselves and just let the other know what they have “gifted” us.

Brilliant.

There's only one person being rude and unkind here....😏

yes you

You are the one who wrote you only do what you can be bothered to do. Neither polite nor kind.

"I have no idea why he's ceased all contact, where did we go wrong?" 😫

Is that what I really wrote? I suggest you read all of my posts.

I have.

So, what did you think of the situation with my family?

We are definitely not all the same. Manners cost nothing. Saying thank you is less arduous than coming on here and being rude to someone who disagrees with you and being horrid about her autistic son.

In my experience, autistic friends and family, we are more likely to say thank you for a gift multiple times, even if we neither like nor want them. How rude to offend people who care about you.

Again, you haven't read all my posts, have you?

Absolutely agree with this.

My adult son finds cards a waste of money. He has said in the past he would rather a post it note or text instead and then the money that I would have spent on the card - The cards just go into recycling.
I personally Love a card, and have let him know this. It can be as simple as a folded piece of paper, with a note inside, but I like to open it.
As for presents, I am not fussed, nor is he. But we do buy a small joke gift for each other. As a parent I also give a sum of money.
For my birthday this year, I have arranged a day out, paid for the tickets and booked the place to eat. All I ask is for my adult children to book a half days holiday. Time with them is my gift.