AIBU to end an abusive relationship while coping with abortion grief?

[SexandtheSettee]

Hello, I'm not sure I've posted this in the right place. Sorry if I haven't. I just need some comfort. I am in despair right now.

I'm 29, been dating someone for a year. Started off lovely. Got on great. Genuinely loved one another.

Introduced each other to our children. I have two. He has one.

Anyway, his other side slowly crept in. He would BLOW UP over the smallest things. Started with screaming at me. Then escalated to throwing his phone or vape for example. Then the name calling. He would always accuse me about lying to him. While simultaneously lying to me.

Never knew if he cheated.

Anyway, I've forgiven way more than I should have. He kept promising he'd change. Never did. I stayed stupidly for the good times. No, my kids or his Never witnessed this.

I got caught pregnant to him, had the tablet abortion three days ago. First night he was in mine. Did help with my kids, done shopping etc. Second night he began being nasty to me. Had me sobbing. Then third night, last night he was just so cold. So I ended it.

Told him to go, had to contact his mum. Told her everything. Over the past year, I do not recognise who I've became. I've slowly isolated myself over the past year. Lost so much weight. Don't see friends or family. My friends hate him.

But I'm struggling so much accepting that it's over. I'm dealing with this abortion alone. He said I'll regret ending us. Dunno why, but it's gotten inside my head. I'm in pain, I keep crying, I've never felt so sad.

Really trying to show up for my two kids but it's so hard.

I genuinely know I have made the right choice. But I'm still so sad. Sorry, I haven't even covered half of what he was like with me. Just need someone to tell me to stick to my guns x

Hi all, I took some time away to heal physically & emotionally. Glad to tell you, I went back to the gym yesterday. Feeling sore today. But a good sore. Still grieving but I know that will take a while. Just about to get a nice hot bath, then relax with some takeout. Thank you all again for the kind words xxx

Keep going OP, it will only get better.

That's great news OP! What a difference even a week or so can make! Keep going, things will soon start to feel more normal, and if you struggle make sure you come back and we'll help you through it. Enjoy the rest of the weekend.

Well done op! Sounds like fab progress!

Great update! Sounds like you are looking after yourself well. It will take time, but you are doing brilliantly.

You have done the absolute best thing, and thank fuck you aren't tying yourself to him with a child. Shut the door firmly on this relationship OP and never ever look back. You are so strong for having the courage to end it and you don't need a loser like that in your life or near your kids. You've got this 💪

I don't have any advice but I just wanted to say you should be really proud of yourself. You did the right thing, keep being strong, whenever you look back on this you will think this has been one of the best things you ever did for yourself and your children

Thank God you’ve cut yourself out of that situation. Glad you’re doing better. Onwards and upwards and never look back.

You have been so incredibly strong! Getting to the gym is amazing. You will feel a whole lot better once your cycle regulates, the hormones will calm and you’ll start to feel lighter. It’s so hard to make a decision like this, but SOMETHING made you do it to protect yourself. Soon your heart will catch up, and you’ll be so relieved and so proud of yourself. He sounds 99% awful and I doubt you were patient zero (Taylor swift reference :) give it a listen…)

Hi, thanks all for the new replies. Doing well, in a good routine. Looking forward to Halloween. Everyone's kind words helped me massively x

You have one life. Don’t waste it on him.

just saw your update. Well done and wishing you all the best for the future x

You can feel sad and feel grief over the abortion and over the breakup even if both are the right thing to do, that’s ok. I’ve been there and I think it’s important to allow yourself grief over both even though both are the right thing. Give it time and don’t allow being upset to cloud your vision on someone who doesn’t treat you with love or respect.

Great to hear you're doing well OP. Time really is a great healer. Take care of yourself.