AIBU that my counsellor was inappropriate?

[holkhamhighkicks]

I had some counselling for overwhelm and general weight of my career. In the first session I explained how I was struggling to keep up with the demands of work plus family plus meno and that my boundaries around email and messaging had lapsed. It was all getting on top of me.

During the discussions she told me about her daughter who had just graduated and that she was looking for a job and how she could help me with some of the things I had on my plate.

I left the session a bit lighter, her questions were not hugely insightful but it was an opportunity to talk.

She followed up the session with a WhatsApp message about her daughter and that I should let her know if I am interested in her help.

I appreciate it probably came from a good place but I found it incredibly unprofessional. I didn’t want to talk about her daughter, I was paying her £120ph for her to listen to me.

I came away with just another thing I had to deal with, on top of everything else.

YANBU she overstepped the line here.
YABU this is fine, she was just trying to help

Wow. I don't know the guidelines but I'd certainly hazard a guess that was inappropriate. I wouldn't go back to her, especially for that very high price.

However, could you actually pay a kind of assistant person? (not her dd of course)

She was totally inappropriate to have talked about her daughter in the session, to have tried to offer her daughter's services to you and to have followed this up further by WhatsApp. Is she a member of or accredited by a professional body? You should report her. She has inappropriate boundaries.

Noooooo you are 100% NBU.

My mum was a therapist who practiced mainly from like an annex at home.We had to vacate at least 30 mins before without fail whenever she had a session as it was just so innappropriate,and so unfair on the clients to potentially overhear front doors banging or kids laughing or seeing the rest of the family piling in the car.

Let alone...pushing a client for work 😱

I’ve just rechecked my messages to remind myself. She sent her name, phone number, email, details of her skills, degree etc she said her daughter was very interested (she’d obviously had a conversation with her about our discussions) and said to let her know if I wanted her to send her CV over.

I was probably being over dramatic when I got it but I just cried. I think it was it was just another reply that I had to think of how to write, another situation to get myself out of.

i really needed help at the time, it had taken me ages to get to the point of going for the session.

I'm so so sorry OP.

Time for a new counsellor asap methinks. You don't go to therapy for extra pressure and other people's shit to solve.

Bang out of order. I worked for 15 years in an NHS psychodynamic psychotherapy clinic and our clinicians were not even allowed to have personal photographs on display in their consulting rooms. No counsellor or therapist should reveal ANYTHING to their clients about their personal lives, circumstances or families, let alone be touting for business for a family member! They are there to listen to YOU, not the other way around. I would strongly advise you to immediately end your contract with this counsellor and find another. BTW, anyone can set themselves up as a 'counsellor' with no meaningful qualifications or experience. Please make sure that your next counsellor is registered with the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP). Good luck.

A bit light-hearted but maybe reply back with an invoice for your time replying to her 'personal circumstances' at £120 p/h?!
That'll stop her in her tracks for sure!
Sorry you're going through this OP. Echoing what everyone else is saying to find a more professional and client focused therapist!

Wildly inappropriate! Are they registered with BACP? I'd report this, both for using counselling sessions to sell services and for the breach of confidentiality!

YANBU. And she’s told her DD about you? I don’t even have the words to express just how wrong that is.

Bloody hell, that is beyond awful.

Please don’t continue with this counsellor. And tell her she added more stress to someone seeking counselling.

That’s very inappropriate, now you’re in the position where you have to reject her daughter’s help which you didn’t even ask for.

you’re right that this has left you with an extra burden and you should report this to her seniors

Report her to HCPC/BACP/UKCP - whichever body she’s a member of

I'm sorry, you felt overwhelmed by her messaging. She shouldn't have done that.

is that the going rate for a counselor now??

She spoken about you to her daughter??

I work in mental health and I would report her. This is so unacceptable.

Yeah it's well bad actually.
You are her client you are not the job centre.
X

Perfectly put.

She breached confidentiality guidelines by talking to her daughter about you and she inappropriately gave you advice and recommendations. Using counselling to procure business for her daughter is not appropriate. If you haven't yet paid for the session I wouldn't pay and let her know why.

You must report her to her Professional Body. She must be accredited by one of them.

Absolutely inappropriate. I don't see how you can trust her at all after that.

I am a qualified counsellor and this is very unprofessional and also overpriced. Maybe you could find another counsellor via BACP website www.bacp.co.uk because they will be accredited etc. Sorry to hear this has been your experience.

I would write something very brusque in reply and then block her. No reason to give a further minute of your time.

Totally unprofessional and inappropriate.

Heavens above - this is totally unprofessional - and £120 for someone who has not even the most basic clue what is appropriate behaviour for a counsellor.

Do not see her again and report to her professional body. You really must - she is not fit for her role.

There are a lot of dodgy counsellors about unfortunately. I had one who offered to get her estate agent husband to come round after in one of the sessions I'd mused that maybe it might be an idea for me to sell my flat.

Since that experience, I've come across at least two more downright crooks, no, three actually, that I never went to for counselling myself but I am aware of either through work or friends or a mixture of both.

So don't think that you're over reacting or you must have misunderstood. It really is a terribly unregulated way to make a living.

This counsellor needs reporting to their accrediting body. Also £120 for a counselling session is a rip off.