AIBU to consider a restricted smartphone for my 10-year-old?

[Noddyslittleredcar]

DS is 10, in year 6.

He's starting to gain a bit more independence - walking home from school, going to the shop alone, being left alone for short periods whilst we go out.

He doesn't currently have a phone and we don't have a landline, so there's no way for him to contact us should there be an issue, or if we have an issue.

Contemplating getting him a phone, but I worry he's too young?

FWIW DH and I have smart phones but use the "brick" device 90% of the time. For people who don't know (and I swear this isn't an advert for brick) brick allows you to select apps, specific websites (or web access completely) etc to block, or alternatively you can allow specific apps and websites and it blocks everything else. It also prevents downloads of new apps.

I'm suggesting we get DS a smart phone and then "brick" everything except maps, calls, SMS texts, whatthreewords and wallet.

I'm considering this option rather than an older Nokia type brick phone because of maps/location and wallet functionality. It would be a very cheap smartphone.

I'm really torn as we are a very low tech house - no tablets, a single family laptop etc and we hadn't intended to get DS a phone until year 9. But unlike when DH and I were younger, there's no public phone boxes and less access/ willingness to help people.

What do people think generally? I'm open to options/ discussions.

YABU - no 10 year old needs a phone for any reason
YANBU - this seems like a sensible compromise

Interested to hear what people think on this as we have a 9
year old…,

Hmmm the responses will be divided. My biggest parenting fail was to give my then 11 yr old a smart phone. She got it at the end of year 6. I wanted to get her a brick phone but I was somehow pressured into a smart phone by so many telling me she will be bullied in secondary! Rubbish many kids now in secondary have bricks now. This number is ever increasing. It just open a bag of worms with constant online access that becomes increasingly harder to limit as they get older and figure ways around the blocks. Mine is now 13 and it’s a daily source of limits and if not arguments! My 8 year old will be getting a brick when he does go to secondary!

YABVU. He does not need a phone.

Phone use at such a young age is incredibly damaging.

In what way?

And can you please suggest how we equip him to deal with issues he might have when cycling home from school etc when he can't get in touch with us? Or alternative ways we can get in touch with him if we need to? I'm very interested to see how we can handle this without tech and without restricting his independence more than we already do.

Pinwheel phone

Dumb phone only. Avoid smart phones for as long as possible.

Can you go in to more detail why?

Why do you think he will need the map function of a dumbed down smart phone or the wallet. How far will he travel to secondary school?

I wouldn’t personally. I just don’t see why a 10 year old needs a phone. My personal view, others will no doubt disagree.

Can the people who think we're unreasonable please give some explanation/ context? I'm not sure what benefits there are Nokia type brick phone Vs a locked down smartphone but I can see the benefits the other way around

Nope, I wouldn’t. At 10, he should be able to safely manage a 5 minute walk home possibly with friends. Or to stay home alone for 10-15 minutes. He shouldn’t be doing a 30 minute walk alone on a busy road, or staying home for 2 hours while you’re at the pub on a Saturday evening. For small, sensible bits of independence, he won’t need a phone.

He doesn’t need a phone. If he needs to be able to phone you for some reason a dumb phone will suffice.
www.smartphonefreechildhood.org

Would you get a watch that can make texts and calls instead of a phone. I presume even a brick phone won't be allowed in primary school.

For secondary school he needs a smartphone to access the bus pass (they don't do physical passes). Maps I can see him using if he gets lost or there isn't space on the bus, or he gets off at the wrong stop. Or just to tell us where he is if nothing else.

They hand phones in to the office each morning. Same with a smart watch - no tech in classrooms

If you give him a genuine calls/text dumb phone, you're not introducing the concept of a smartphone into his life.

If you give him a restricted smartphone, you are introducing the concept of a smartphone into his life.

You'll have to choose for yourself which side you sit.

I can't see why he needs a map function or whathreewords at age 10. And money can be a prepay card.

At that age he needs to be able to contact you if something happens.

It's a 20 minute walk home and a 30 minute round trip to the shop. He's home alone for a max of 30 minutes, but once got locked in the local shop because the doors failed.

Have a read of this https://www.gov.uk/government/consultations/growing-up-in-the-online-world-a-national-consultation
You wouldn’t give a pack of cigarettes or a bottle of beer to a 10 yo. But giving them a phone is seen as fine. Sneaky kids are good at getting round blocks. It’s just asking for trouble if you ask me. DC 12 and 15 don’t have smart phones.

None of these are reasons to get a smartphone over a dumb phone.

My DS has just gone into yr 7 and I firmly believe kids don't need a phone until then. We were told brick phone only was best by everyone and so off we went to get a Nokia.

It's awful, no predictive text, takes ages to scroll through each letter and my DS hated it. So back it went and we got a smartphone but all he can do on it is text and call. Nothing else is installed or can be accessed so it's essentially a brick phone but easier for him to use.

He won't have access to anything, even Google maps until he's much older as he can use it at home supervised.

So is being stranded or needing help and not being able to access it. Open your mind and read her post, she’s not allowing the things on it that are damaging.

I got mine a smart phone so that I can track him as he gains more independance. Im normally against tech stuff but there are so many restrictions in his phone that I am totally fine with it now.

I teach middle school, so same age as your DS. The problem with a locked down smart phone vs a dumb phone, is that you always get what I call ‘essentials creep’. You start with maps and messaging. Then ‘the whole class has WhatsApp and it’s how we organise football training’ so you enable WhatsApp. Then ‘everyone is on discord, they are talking about homework’ and you’ve got discord. Then ‘I need to access a web browser for school’ and you get a web browser. And on and on it goes. By the time they are 12-13 they effectively have a fully functioning smart phone.

I have literally never seen a parent, even the low-tech, strict ones, be able to resist the app creep once the smart phone is in their child’s hand. A dumb phone makes it literally impossible for those ‘essential’ apps to creep into their lives. The damage that smart phones do is extraordinary, I cannot warn parents enough to hold off as long as humanly possible before allowing their DC to have a phone.

It might make your kid an unfashionable weirdo, especially if they struggle to make friends in general. But I would rather my DC be unfashionable than deal with the impact of having a smart phone in their lives.

In this case, I woukd definitely get him a phone. Thats a long time for him to be alone. Just put restrictions on it so that he hasnt got access to the internet.

Dd is one of the oldest in her year. She got a smart phone for her 10th birthday and I have zero regrets. She has WhatsApp and the ability to access the Internet. In primary school she learned the art of WhatsApp etiquette with a group of kids she knew well, and we had the chance as a family to establish which rules worked for us. She didn't need to take it to primary school as I did all collections and drop offs, but it was great for her being at clubs etc.

Now she's on year 7 and it's great - she has a long bus journey and wait in a public place for me at the end of school, so she can access the bus tracking website to see when she's likely to get picked up.

I will do the same again for dd2.