I’m really struggling with what to do and would really appreciate some honest opinions from other parents, particularly parents of autistic children/children with ADHD.
My DS is 9 and in Year 4. He is autistic and has ADHD, and the school are fully aware of his diagnoses. Despite this, the school are currently refusing to put him on the SEN register.
Academically, he is doing really well. He is particularly strong in maths and reading and has a real depth of understanding in both. He is on target for writing, although he finds writing harder because of his autism. In his Year 2 SATs he got 100% in maths and only got one question wrong in English, so academically he is absolutely not behind.
The problem is that school seems to be becoming increasingly difficult for him socially and emotionally.
He has no friends. He has told me that the other children think he is "weird", and sadly there has even been an occasion where another child's parent apparently agreed with their child that my son was "weird". I appreciate children don't have to be friends with everyone, but it is heartbreaking to know that he is aware that he is being viewed this way.
He stims quite a lot, and rather than supporting him with this, he currently sits separately from the other children because his stimming distracts them.
He is also finishing his work before the other children. Since returning three weeks ago, he has apparently read five chapter books because once he has finished his work, he is simply told to read. There doesn't seem to be any extension work or opportunities to challenge him academically. I worry that he is being punished for being ahead rather than being supported and extended.
The thing that has really upset me recently is what happened with swimming.
I warned school beforehand that he can become extremely overwhelmed and struggles to regulate himself. He is also a very good swimmer and doesn't actually need swimming lessons, so I asked whether he could opt out. School said he had to participate.
On Friday he became unregulated in the pool and school quite rightly decided that he needed to get out of the water. I actually think that was the right decision.
However, instead of allowing him to get dressed and giving him somewhere warm and quiet to regulate, he was made to sit wet and cold on the pool floor.
He is very thin and gets cold easily. His autistic thinking then led him to think that getting back into the water would make him warmer, so he jumped back in. He was then told off.
I completely understand that jumping back into the pool wasn't appropriate, but I can't help feeling that the situation set him up to fail. He was already overwhelmed, wet, cold and dysregulated, and then was expected to sit there and regulate himself in those circumstances.
The part that is breaking my heart most is that my son has written down he wants a friend.
He's 9.
I don't know whether to listen to him and move him, or whether I'm being too quick to consider changing schools.