Dh and socializing

[135yedh]

Totally prepared to be told I’m being unreasonable.
DH and I used to work in the same industry and socialised together a lot. We now work in different fields and don’t go out together nearly as much.
What I’ve noticed, though, is that whenever we do socialise — parties, holidays with friends, etc. — DH tends to attach himself to whichever female friend is on her own and spend most of his time with her. He rarely talks to the men anymore, saying he doesn’t have much in common with them.
I don’t want to control who he talks to, and I’m not suggesting he shouldn’t have female friends. But the pattern makes me feel a bit odd. He’ll spend hours talking almost exclusively to the one woman at a party - not the same ones, just whoever is around, run errands or do things for them, help with the kids, while barely engaging with me or the rest of the group. This isn't towards a particular person, just a pattern at whichever social engagement we are at.
Maybe it’s simply because this is a change from how we used to socialise, but I’m starting to find the intensity of these one-to-one interactions a bit uncomfortable. Am I being unreasonable?

He’s looking to have an affair. Any sign from this woman or any other that they are interested and he will be happily having an affair with them

Sorry, but I agree with pp.

Is he socially awkward or introverted? I’m a single woman who struggles in social environments and tend to talk to men at events a lot more because I just don’t have anything in common with the women. At least I can generally talk to men about sport or current affairs, both of which I love. I have tried to do this with women but they tend to just talk about their kids, and I don’t have anything and am just not interested.

Is he doing that White Knighting thing?

You should point out these women don't need rescuing.

I think it's very disrespectful to you. It's as though he is trying to signal that you are not a couple. Or at least not a couple on good terms with each other

I wonder how the women he attaches himself to feel about this. They aren't getting to socialise with the other people at the event if he is monopolising them. I wonder what signals he is sending out to them?

Presumably other people must be noticing his behaviour as well and making assumptions about your relationship.

Have you spoken to him abour it OP because i really think you should

Why not talk to the other socially awkward men who are single?

So I think it's the change that bothers me. Yes, he is sort of introverted but when we were younger he would definitely chat more to the other men at bigger social events or chat in groups. Now it's basically whoever is female without a partner....he almost becomes a surrogate partner to them - on holidays rhis would mean helping them out with the kids, doing chores with them. It's the change that's weird. No idea what those women think - probably that he is being helpful.

I have mentioned it to him once or twice - and he says that's because I am off to chat to other people....which is true but in my case that's usually a mixed group or my female friends. It almost feels like he will either be talking to me or just some other woman.

It makes me feel like I don't want to socialise with him anymore.

So he latches onto the single female and stays wit her all evening whilst ignoring you?

come on ! He’s seeing what is on the market right under your nose !

So weirdly they are not usually single but like whoever partner doesn't happen to be there that time or running late. Equally I don't want to sound jealous or mad - but am increasingly annoyed that basically either I have to stick with him at all time or he just finds some other woman to socialise with. My annoyance is that it's never a group or blokes....and he doesn't circulate.

Because hopefully he doesn’t live in Afghanistan and can speak to anybody of any sex or gender. The amount of overthinking and distrust on this thread is staggering.

It's not that he can't talk to other people, it's that socially he now only talks to other women on their own - never in groups and never the blokes. Plus it's the change. However, I totally get that I don't want to be controlling, hence the thread.

I expect he is also annoying the women he latches on to!

Being kind I guess it could be an anxious thing and being useful helps him

But I would expect him to recognise how bad the optics look and to be happy to discuss with you how you can both work to change this

Maybe those social groups aren't really his scene any more?

I totally wouldn't force him to go to them - though in some instances these are people we have known for decades. However, it is true that a staggering number of blokes around us are pretty useless and dint pull their weight when it comes to looking after the kids, shopping or doing the chores when we are on holidays with them. Dh is pretty good at that - so will help them out. From my point of view, that's honestly their own problem. If they are happy to have Dhs who don't take kids on outings or do chores, I don't see why Dh has to help them out.

Same at parties - fine if you don't have anything to talk to them books about, but there is a bit of...then why are you there....