How on earth has he found this number?

[EnemiesInSouthCerney]

I’ve name changed for this and changed a few details so as not to be outing.

To cut a very long story short, about four years ago I met a man through a mutual acquaintance (friend of a friend of a friend type situation). We swapped Instagram accounts, and for the next few months he sent me increasingly intense messages, culminating in me blocking him. They were up to five messages a day by the end, and I eventually blocked after he told me he’d saved my photos to look at when he ‘missed me’. At this point we’d met once, and I’d never given even the slightest hint that I was interested in him romantically.

Last week I turned my work phone on and there were five WhatsApp messages from him. I’ve only had this work phone for about five months, it’s not in my email signature or online anywhere.
There are probably only about 10 people who have the number.

An organisation I worked with posted it (with my full name) on their social media page for about two days before I realised and then it was removed. This is the only possible way I can imagine him getting the number but he would have no reason whatsoever to be following/looking at this organisation (imagine it’s a craft club for children in Dundee and he is a single, child-free man living in Devon).

I feel weirdly violated. I don’t really know why I’m posting, except that I’m feeling unsettled and wondering if there’s something I’ve missed about how he could’ve got that number?!

This is why we tell kids not to post stupid shit on social media. Once it's been published it's out there forever.

I bet if you googled hard enough you'd find what he found.

Time for some sort of 'cease and desist' message before legal action?

It will be from the social media page. He may be constantly searching for your name, and even though it was only up for a couple of days it would have been long enough to find it.

I'm not surprised you feel unsettled. That's weird and creepy.

Its far from normal behaviour, regardless of where he got the number from. And chances are, you probably aren't the only one hes done/doing this to. Im far from one to report every tiny misdemeanour but I would consider reporting this, as well as sending a clear message of "delete this number and do not contact me again"

Do you still have evidence of the previous contact?

He might have a Google alert set up for your name. Which is weird as hell.

Probably put your details into ChatGPT.

It's how an ex knows my (old) mobile and street I live in. A company listed it and then closed, so the information isn't being hosted anymore, but it's there forever.

ETA: at least with only 10 people knowing the number, it's not as difficult to change it.

Surely this is stalking behaviour? Seek advice.

Yes this was my thought too.

I think you should tell work. I had a different situation where I received harassing messages via a public email address (mistaken identity but it was horrible) and I told work for some backup in case.

He's probably just a nuisance but it's worth being aware and cautious. What's security like at work? Is this man local to you?

Keep a log and consider a police report as it is harassment and stalking behaviour.

Just block and delete. Numbers are so easy to find these days with what is posted on line. Could it be one of the friend of a friend’s that might have given it to him if he’d spun a yarn saying he’d lost your number after you’d given it to him?

I was going to say Google alert too. He sounds like a stalker. I would report this online to the police or the non emergency number, he could have a long history of this behaviour.

@EnemiesInSouthCerney What were the messages saying?

I would reply saying this is your work phone, you do not wish to have any contact with him, so he needs to stop messaging you.

If he carries on then report to police.

Absolutely this…. The fact that it’s been four years since last contact and the minute your number becomes available he is contacting you is very worrying…. I would contact the Police.

I did tell work, mostly because I wanted to ask if there was any way he’d called and someone had given it to him. I replied and asked how he’d got the number and he didn’t reply so I blocked.

He was about an hour away from where I lived but then moved about 300 miles away. No idea if he’s still there.

The messages he sent this time around were ‘I missed you’, ‘do you remember me’ etc. It feels like an overreaction (even though I think I know rationally it isn’t!!) to report when nothing has actually happened but the thought that he might be doing this to other people or have a history of it is awful.

Ask work to give you a different phone number and NEVER to put it in the public domain.

However, before it is disconnected, I wonder about sending a message purporting to be from your company saying that personal harassment won't be tolerated or something of that kind.

They wouldn’t have the number themselves- this would’ve been the least unsettling answer though!

It’s definitely the social post. I agree with the theory that he’s constantly searching your name and saw it during the couple of days it was up.

Change your number again as a priority.

Beyond that you could send him a message that you do not want to hear from him again and to stop contacting you. Although this is definitely giving stalker vibes, so it might be worth calling Palladin for advice before you do anything. Stalkers will take outright rebukes as encouragement, because contact initiated by you - even if it’s totally negative - serves to feed their obsession.

That’s horrific. I’d be complaining to work that they exposed my details like that. Get them to change your number too.

If he is determined he will attempt to contact from a different number. Get your number changed. He is a stalker there is no other word for him. I would call the non emergency police number for advice. Did he know your full name before? If you are on the electoral role, you can be on it but ask for it not be available to the public he could find your home address easily. Apologies if this alarms you but I used to work in an information area and it is ridiculously easy to find out loads these days.

Take care

Is there anyway to get him to be warned to leave you alone than the changing number incase be continues to stalk you..
I would be letting work know a d what they can do to avoid openly sharibf a number again.
Beyond creepy.l

I didn’t even think about the electoral roll. He does know my full name and the vague area I live in. Thank you for flagging that, I wouldn’t have considered it!

He probably has a search alert set up for your name