To not be that bothered about having a hen do, anyone else?

[QuickOchreFish]

I don't know why, maybe I'd enjoy it more once it happened but the thought of them doesn't appeal to me that much really.

My partner is having an organised stag and I'm pleased for him, it might be as I don't have that traditional 'girls' group' that is making me less motivated.

I know there's an expectation for bridesmaids/MOH/sisters to organise it. I have asked one friend to be a bridesmaid, she hasn't said anything about a hen, I don't think she's aware of the unwritten social expectation to have a part in planning (and that's not a criticism of her).

I suppose I feel a social pressure to have one, but I certainly won't be asking people to spend hundreds, I'd rather go on a holiday for that price. I have got friends of both sexes, but I don't have that close-knit female group, ride-or-die friendship with anyone. I'm just not that bothered about it all, anyone else?

Never had one and no never felt any social pressure, am tired of that excuse in general being used because people can't think for themselves

Same here! I was getting married in my 40s, so booked a weekend in London with a show and went with my DD in her 20s who was “giving me away” 😂 she lives 3 hours drive away, so it was lovely to bond just us two without the “bride” paraphernalia. She was getting great kicks though of everyone assuming she was getting married through any wedding prep she was involved in 😂

Have a wonderful wedding day and a happy marriage!

I didn’t have one ☺️ I just wasn’t bothered about it to be honest. Like you, I don’t have that close knit female friend group. I also don’t have a social family at all. Nobody even mentioned one to me to be honest 🤣🤣
If I was going to have any kind of “hen do” type thing then I’d probably just have done a normal dinner out with a mixed group of friends as a small celebration but definitely nothing extravagant.

I didn’t have one. They’re not my thing, I wouldn’t have enjoyed it and it would have just been a financial/time pressure on other people.

I got married ten years ago and my ‘hen do,’ if you could call it that, was a meal at a very nice buffet restaurant in a 4* hotel. We all met for a drink beforehand in the hotel bar, had a lovely meal, and coffee/drinks in the bar again afterwards.

It was low key which was just the way I wanted it to be. It doesn’t have to be an all or nothing - you can find a halfway point if you wish. It also helped that my friends, MIL and SIL enjoy this kind of evening too and did not go against my wishes my turning up covered in hen do paraphernalia etc.

I've just seen your other thread OP about you feeling pressurised into dancing at your wedding. And now this one where you feel pressurised into having a hen do.

It's just so sad and I'm left wondering what your family and so called friends are like that they won't allow you to do what you want regarding your own wedding.

Of course you don't have to have a hen do.
Fwiw I've had 2 weddings. The first was just me and my fiancé and 2 witnesses at the ceremony, a lovely meal for the 4 of us in a pub restaurant, and then a night for the 2 of us in a nice hotel in a small seaside village. And it was absolutely wonderful. My second wedding had some of my family there and they ruined the day by making it all about them , but still no dances or hen dos.

Please have the wedding you , and your husband to be want. Not what you feel other people expect of you.

This is the second thread this morning about someone feeling pressured into an aspect of a wedding they don’t want! Don’t have one if you don’t want one, OP.

But a hen doesn’t have to be five days clubbing in a Spanish resort or a weekend in an Airbnb with cocktail-making classes and a hot tub. I’ve been to hens that were afternoon tea, or a hike followed by a nice rural pub, or taking out rowing boats, or a meal in a Japanese restaurant. I didn’t have one at all.

Oh, same poster?? Good catch!

OP, this is mad! It’s your wedding. Don’t do stuff you don’t want to because you think you’re ‘supposed’ to.

OP are you actually having the wedding you want at all? I didn't have a hen do because I wasn't having a big wedding and they aren't my scene (I got hammered with my best mate the weekend before). I didn't want to be centre of attention so I had a tiny registry office wedding with 2 guests and no after do. Assuming you do want to get married, plan what you want, not what social media promotes.

I didn't have one. My friends are quite separate - school, uni, work, local...and don't know each other. A few good friends are men. I'm more of a fan of catching up with people 1 on 1 anyway. I thought it would be awkward for everyone to bring a load of random people who've never met each other together. Two of my best friends insisted on taking me out for a meal which was lovely

I just had a nice coffee morning with friends and family - I didn’t want a big fuss. People brought cakes they’d made. It was great - chance to chat to people and really relaxed.

I wasn’t bothered at all. I had a ‘hen BBQ’ at my family home, which was basically a get together with female friends and family from home who were mostly unlikely to be able to travel to our wedding. It was great. We had prosecco and burgers and laughed and caught up and then I was tucked up in bed by 10pm!

I hate being the centre of attention! My hen do was two friends and my sister, a meal at Zizzis and a comedy club.

Wouldn't have changed it for anything! it was lovely.

If you don’t want it don’t have it. It’s an additional stress and cost and some of your friends might be relieved not to have the pressure to attend. There have been several threads on here about this, especially the spa days, trips abroad etc. A wedding is about the marriage of two people not all the faff that surrounds it.

I didn't have a hen do. I don't like being the centre of attention, I don't like getting drunk, I find party games embarrassing, I had no interest in doing anything traditionally associated with hen dos. I do have lots of female friends who expected one, but they totally understood that it wasn't 'me' and nobody gave me a hard time about not having one.
I also didn't dance at my wedding. We had a pub quiz instead and it was ace!

It's your wedding and you deserve to be relaxed and comfortable - make it your own!

No never had one and be er been to one as most if my friends didn’t have one either! Isn’t it quite old fashioned? I associate it with very young brides, and the youngest any of my friends married was 29 (and she actually did have a rather bizarre joint hen/bachelor thing but I was abroad at the time). If I was going to have one I’d do an afternoon tea or something.

No need for one, refreshing to see someone who does not pander to the trend of overcelebrating.

Have a lovely wedding day.