AIBU to feel overwhelmed and wish someone would look after me for once?

[birmingam]

I'm 27 and I live alone in a house I bought last year. I'm generally very capable, working full time, doing part time study, looking after my house. But I'm having a little cry this evening because sometimes I just want someone to look after me for once. I'm single and apart from my mum I don't have any family, never had aunties or uncles or adult family friends growing up. My mum does her best but isn't very practically or emotionally supportive and I don't feel able to share a lot of more personal things with her. As a result I am very independent and self-reliant.
Sometimes I would just love a hug or someone to think of me and buy me chocolate or make me a cup of tea. I'm exhausted this evening after work all week and I haven't made my dinner yet. I'm sitting on the sofa with a blanket having a little cry. It all just feels so much and so lonely, but there's nobody to see that. It would be lovely for someone to say "love, you're exhausted, will I get you a cup of tea?" or "what would you like for dinner?" or "here's a lasagne I've made you". I'm hungry but I might just go to bed with no dinner because it feels like too much effort. I just want a hug

Sending a hug. I’ve been where you are. It can feel lonely and overwhelming at times. You should be so proud of what you have achieved. Not many can do this on their own. You are incredible. This is one hard day others will be easier. Eat some comfort food and pamper yourself. You are enough!

Sorry you're feeling so down. Overall it sounds like you're doing really well, but everyone needs someone to take care of them at times. Re it feeling too much effort to get dinner, could you afford to treat yourself to a takeaway and get it delivered?

I’ll get mocked for saying it, but get thyself a cat, my dear.
A little almost-human waiting for the sound of you coming home every evening, who needs you very much; it’s another heartbeat around the house, a little being wanting you to smother it with affection: all this is immensely good for what ails you.
Plus, you get a cat to talk to on the sofa and believe me, such conversations have soothed many a single gal’s sadness, or anxiety.

Seriously, having a small creature depending on you and returning your affection really, really swats away any wisps of what you are speaking of above. It keeps your heart full and busy, for one thing.

Even more seriously (as in: straight face, I mean) you’ve just got a case of the glooms. This shall pass.

(Alternatively, and coming in very much third in the ballot, there’s always a lodger of course!)

Payday is on Wednesday and I can't really afford it but I might just do it anyway and put it on my credit card. I'm supposed to have friends round for lunch on Sunday but I haven't had time to clean my house or buy any food for them. I'm so tired and as much as I don't want to I might cancel it.

I know the feeling OP. When I'm in that mode I try to do a supermarket order with some decent ready meals in so I can just chuck one in the oven. No, not as good as homemade food. But much better than just eating half a packet of biscuits and going to bed. Doesn't help with the feeling that you just wish someone would look after you, but I almost always feel better after dinner and a night's sleep.

Sleep that knits up the ravelled sleave of care,
The death of each day's life, sore labour's bath,
Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course,
Chief nourisher in life's feast.

Gosh you poor thing, not unreasonable at all. You should be so proud of yourself, achieving everything you have on your own. I get what you mean though. Be kind to yourself, it’s fine to have a little cry when you’re overwhelmed. Hope you get a good sleep and feel better in the morning.

Do you have the day off tomorrow? I would say don't cancel on your friends tonight. Get an early night! Jobs always feel so much bigger and insurmountable when you're tired. You will feel much better about shopping for your meal in the morning. Don't feel the house has to look perfect for your friends. Real friends will be forgiving of a bit of mess!

Aargh never quote THAT play on Mumsnet. (Or is that in a theatre?)
Either way it means someone will die a norful death, probably struck by lightning out on the wild moors while struggling with a bear, in quicksand.
Don’t say you werent warned! 🙀

No, don't cancel. Let your friends lift you up. Ping them a message: "ladies, I've so been looking forward to seeing you, but I've had a really hard week and I'm feeling really run down and exhausted. Are you up for a slight change of plan? PJ party at mine and we'll order in pizza and chill on the sofa (whilst you kindly turn a blind eye to the state of the house)?". Or similar.

When you've had to be self sufficient it can be hard to ask people for what you need. But they're you're friends, I bet they'd love to support you however they can. And chances are they'll be only too pleased to have a low key get together.

No, don't cancel. Let your friends lift you up. Ping them a message: "ladies, I've so been looking forward to seeing you, but I've had a really hard week and I'm feeling really run down and exhausted. Are you up for a slight change of plan? PJ party at mine and we'll order in pizza and chill on the sofa (whilst you kindly turn a blind eye to the state of the house)?". Or similar.

When you've had to be self sufficient it can be hard to ask people for what you need. But they're you're friends, I bet they'd love to support you however they can. And chances are they'll be only too pleased to have a low key get together.

Oh mate, hugs!! Sofa, TV, anything from the fridge that can be eaten as-is and call it a picnic dinner

Sending you a hug @birmingam 🫂

I agree with @Tiptopflipflop - don't cancel. I also agree with @Millytante - get yourself a lovely little cat to keep you company when you're home alone.

Don't cancel your friends OP. Have them over and enjoy yourself on Sunday.

Could you throw on some pasta and pesto for your dinner? And watch something really crappy on tv?

You sound really independent and well on your way in adult life - I'd be very proud of you if you were mine. What you feel is very normal - you deserve a hug so hugs from me.

Yeah me too, I dont have anyone sadly

I've managed to make myself some pasta - with actual vegetables! - literally through my tears. Thankfully I managed not to cut myself with the knife. Thanks for your encouragement. I'm grateful for it but at the same time I feel sad that I have to get it from anonymous strangers on the internet. I hadn't explained all of this, it's just hit me tonight, but I was upset in therapy this week and my therapist said "you're doing so well" and I believed that she meant it. Remembering that now makes me cry. I wish I could see her now. Finishing my pasta and then I have a little dessert pot that I bought myself earlier, then I need to hang up my washing to dry, put sheets on my bed and go to sleep

I do right now!

Single parent, busy job. Come back from a work trip (just another UK city, and nothing fun just a different office) and now feeling really unwell.

Would like someone to look after me!

Do not cancel it. Quick vacuum, shove stuff in cupboards, cook sausage and mash and buy a crumble and custard. Come on girl, grab life by the balls and kick it. There's nothing holding you back.

I’ve been there. I lived alone for many many years. A dog changed my life.

OP you are amazing. I get upset sometimes about being taken for granted by husband and (male) children and would give anything to have my own space and to please myself. But then there is someone else to pick up the slack and we do work as a team.
i think what I am trying to say is that we always think the grass is greener but generally there are pros and cons of all situations and we need to focus on the pros!
Notwithstanding some people really have the shitty end of the stick……

I sooo get it. It sucks.

Practically, you have to be that person and think about you in the future: get in supplies you might need after a hard day to if you are ill; have frozen food you love in in case of emergency. There's a poem called ' The Princess Saves Herself in This One' .

You absolutely can find a partner and I hope you get a lovely one, and both look after each other. So sorry for younger people as it seems so difficult now (and for over 35s too, but at least we had it easier to meet people when we were young).

Oh OP. I’m so sorry you feel this way. I’m sending you a virtual hug but like you say what you want is a real one. What you’ve expressed is very human emotion. Recognising that, it’s totally OK to sit with that sadness for a while. But it won’t always necessarily be this way (you’re so young!). You don’t have to think about it now but when the wobble has passed you can think what small steps you can take to get on with that future.

Sending hugs OP. Been there too.
I remember eating my birthday cake through tears, all alone.
Finally met DH when I'd pretty much given up on finding someone.
It will get better, we'll done on the house, that's a huge achievement 👏.

Hope you feel better soon. I believe it is a phase that most people go through.
I remember thinking the song “I am so lonely, I need somebody to call my own” by akon was my forever song for 2004 and 2005.
I am with DH 20 years this year, I miss the lonely days sometimes too.
Treat yourself, chat on here, nothing lasts forever, this phase will pass.