Not entirely sure what I want from this thread, which I've changed user name for as it's probably too revealing. I think I want to be told I'm quite selfish and need to just get on with life. In fact I'm sure what will be the reaction.
I have worked full time since 2001, apart from about 9 months mat leave for each of our 3 children. They are now 13,11 and 8.
In 2020, I decided I wanted to be at home for a while with the kids. COVID was hard, looking after a toddler and "WFH" wasn't really acceptable in my opinion and my DH was showing no sign of giving up anything. In fact despite my earning almost twice as much as him, his calls were too important. So I worked much later in the evening to catch up the time I was spending with the kids.
Even before COVID I hated the fact we never saw them, had a full time nanny who called them Mummy etc. It's quite normal for many people I know, but I hated it. Why had we even bothered having them.
So I gave up work. Then in 2021 I got tonnes of recruiters calling, offering great money. I said I didn't want it, but my DH said it was too good an opportunity - blue chip US company, 6 figures, great pension. I was massively pressured by everyone else as well to take it. So I did. We were both still WFH, but got childcare back in.
Then in 2023 my DH had an accident and became depressed. The nanny quit. I had to go back to the office. So I said maybe he should take a break for a few months while we figured it out. He's not worked since.
Now he is about to start a new contract job. We don't need the money (my income is now over 200k) but he's still depressed and has health issues which have been hard. So I've booked after school club, the older kids don't need childcare, his job is local enough to do the pick-ups and activities.
I'm angry and sad about all of it and I'm so jealous of him. I have worked my arse off, my job is brutal (city job), I'm fucking knackered and now I have him being a fucking prince about how much he has to do. He's right, it will be really hard. He could always go to counselling, get help with the depression, stop just complaining and being a dick to the kids. But no, let's try the male ego route. The kids don't seem to matter to him.
I feel like quitting my job and seeing how he likes it when he actually has to work, and do all the stuff I've always done for 13 years (all food and clothes shopping, uniform, holidays, any workman that needs to be booked, pay all bills, all school admin, hobbies booked, he just takes them where they needed to be). I do it all because he has a meltdown every time he has to fill in a form. It just needs doing and I find admin quite easy (my job is glorified admin, organising programmes of work for fund managers). Until recently, he hadn't even bothered setting up his online access to the joint account. Some days, I start work at 7 and I carry on working when I get home until midnight. Those are exceptions though, I'm mostly more efficient and get through it, but sometimes I lose focus and fuck up, which means I have to work through. I've tried getting him to do the food shopping but he forgets.
I'm so angry about everything, and it's so unreasonable. I've not said no to any of it, after all. So it's my fault. I could just say no. But now of course we've committed to expensive schools.
I still love him, I think, but it feels so faded.