Pure Cremation is body disposal right?

[josephiine]

The advert makes it sound like it’s a lovely thing and saves money. I get that it’s cheaper but surely that’s because it is literally a body disposal service?
My FIL has just planned his, he asked my husband if he minds which he doesn’t, but it got us talking, am I missing anything?

What an outstanding contribution to the thread 👏

I’m having this. I don’t want any service especially a religious one. I was delighted when I found out this sort of thing existed

What if they die "towards the end of the day"? Do you want the van to turn up before they're dead?

We had a direct cremation for my dad but through the local undertaker. Dad had been to many funerals in his lifetime (as have I) and he didn't want that for himself. We discussed it years ago, mum wants the same and both me and DH agreed we do too.
We had a family gathering (a wake if you like) to celebrate his life and plant a tree.
It's all about what works best for the people involved.

I don't think Nutmuncher is going to return and explain her peculiar remark

“Body disposal” is the general term for burial or cremation. Everyone has body disposal.
you're talking about the deference between having a funeral or not.

I have chosen this. Dh on the other hand is expecting an extravaganza for himself!

Also one’s perspective changes according to how old you are. My df died relatively young and the large crematorium was packed. But if you make it to 90, 95, 100…. unless you have a large number of descendants the turnout is going to be rather sparse.

Undertakers need to leave a certain amount of time to ensure that rigor mortis has passed off. District hurses and other carers who "know" and if they are there soon enough, will arrange the body (so far as they can) in a position that will make it as easy as possible for the undertakers to collect the body in a dignified and respectful manner.

My mum is doing this. She has also specified in her contract with them that nobody is to be told when the cremation is happening and then we’ll just be given her ashes back in a cardboard box.

This is what happened when my parent died at home . The carers washed them , tidied their hair and arranged their body . A senior nurse came and confirmed the death and then the undertaker took over .

I think it’s a perfectly reasonable service and appropriate for some people. I seen a post from a local funeral directors recently saying how impersonal it is etc etc and basically slagging it off and stating they offer the same services but theirs is better (and more expensive but they don’t mention that!)

This didn’t sit well with me as it felt like if you use a national company then you don’t really care so much about your loved ones! She focused on the bodies being taken to a different town and how loved ones don’t realise this… but does it matter where they are stored realistically? There are lots of options so I don’t think they should emotionally manipulate people for their own gain.

I’ve conducted over a thousand funeral services as a celebrant and never had a singer at any of my services. I’m intrigued! Why did you have to source a singer?

I do agree with you though…organising a funeral and all of the other admin/life stuff that we have to deal with following the death of a loved one is overwhelming. Sorry for your loss…losing a parent is hard 😢

My mum had this. I know it was her choice but it saddened me there was no funeral, no closure. It felt like one minute she was there then BANG! gone forever with no way of saying goodbye

But surely there was nothing stopping you having an entirely separate memorial service for her at a place and time of your choosing, whether it was on the day of her cremation or otherwise, to get that sense of closure (which I can entirely understand the desire for)?

I think churches hold memorial services later down the line, for people to be remembered

This is what my dad says. He’s 80 and in insanely good health. His family all live a long time so he reckons by the time he dies most people he knows will be dead or too frail to come so he wants direct cremation. My sister and i will scatter the ashes and say good bye to him that way.

Presumably because that's what the family or the deceased wanted? I have been involved with, or organised 6 funerals within my family (over many years, not close together) and each one has been different. I have also attended a couple just as a family friend/member. Some of them have been full on with choir and anthem by soloist, local paper announcement, service/memorial sheets, procession to the church/crematorium, loads of flowers and so on; some have been totally plain and private.

they will do it if requested.

There is a coffin. There has to be. They don't just tip you out of a body bag into the fire.

But you can do all those things, together, without it having to be after a conventional funeral. If you didn't know what to do or say when you were doing as he wished and having a get together, the chances are you wouldn't know what to do or say after a funeral either.

There is a difference between what the company Pure Cremation offer and what is available from other funeral directors who offer a direct cremation service.

You do pay for a coffin because you have to have one. You just don't have a choice about what sort of coffin. So the fee includes collecting the body, keeping the body safe until cremation (in a coffin), cremation and return of the ashes. Your uncle's situation is obviously a bit more complicated.

My MIL tells us she has requested this. I think it's considerate as otherwise her few remaining elderly relatives would feel obliged to travel the length of the country for a funeral, and my DH would have etc arrange all that in addition to the dreadedtask of trying to sell her scammy retirement flat (which can drag on for years).

The grandfather of my oldest friend chose this. And honestly? I didn't like it.

I'd known this man for 30+ years, and we'd always had a lot of time for each other. He was kind and interested in me as a child, and remained so as I became an adult. I'd always had a soft spot for him.

Then he passed away, and I would have liked to have attended his funeral, but it wasn't an option. There was talk of a get-together to celebrate his life at some later date, but he's been gone over a year now and nothing. Obviously, as just a "family friend", it's not my place to say anything, but I do think it's rather sad.

My mum briefly talked of doing something like this herself, when the time came, but we shut that down quick, and she seems happy to have done whatever we prefer, which would be a traditional service, followed by a party.

As someone who is having to face this decision for myself, I find it quite odd that you don't think I should have any say on what happens to me when I die. It will be the last thing I have any control over and I - quite rightly, I believe - have quite strong feelings about it (which has surprised me a bit, if I'm honest). I don't want my husband to waste money - he will need it himself. I don't want fuss, simply because I've never liked it. I don't want my husband and kids angsting over music and readings. I don't want maudlin speeches. I'm confident I'll be remembered lovingly by them for the rest of their lives, whether or not they see me disappear through the little curtains.