To really be stuck as to what to do with my two DDs
I have 2 DDs , one neurodivergent 18, one not,16.
DD18 was a dream up to puberty but we’ve had a hard 5 years. We’ve got her assessments, help, moved schools etc
Since aged 11, she’s basically ignored DD2 and they don’t have a relationship. DD2 has long given up trying and as DD1 is highly argumentative , she’s not too keen on doing things with her. Sharing a room on holidays is fraught. DD1 is prone to meltdowns and twice DD2 has borne the brunt of her sister saying she wants to die etc and she is just wary of her now.
DD1 can be quite vicious to me, particularly around any perceived slight and I mostly try and ignore but sometimes I have to draw the line.
What’s become clear is that she has developed this narrative in her mind that DD2 is the golden child and we all judge DD1 etc etc
Thats not the case, DD2 is easier going so there are less arguments but DD1 gets days out, trips away, time etc all with both myself and DH. She just argues non stop and DD2 doesn’t. We ignore as much of the arguments as we can but it’s just been non stop difficult for many years with glimmers of the child she used to be. I think she is improving but it’s a slow process
Im not sure I can do much to address this , I’ve tried reasoning, examples etc but nothing works.
For example- Last night there was a total screaming meltdown because she had lost about 6 sets of airpods (all somewhere in the house , just not bothered to actually match them) and when I pointed out she might try and actually find them and still gave her a pair of my wired ones, she then continued to tell me how awful I was etc, even after I went and found her a pair.
I took the wired ones off her and said fine if you can’t be civil you can’t have them but I was called abusive because I took her earphones she needs to wind down ( they are mine)
She then came into my bedroom, stood there shouting, woke the house up and called her sister names (in DD1s defence her sister did say she didn’t want her at something earlier in the day so she was hurt)
DD1s behaviour is bad, DD2 just doesn’t want anything to do with her sister and I am worn out and sad that it’s come to this. I worry that I am playing a part in this chasm between them but I can see why DD2 is now wary. DD1 can turn, ignore etc at any time
What can I do ?