AIBU to stop helping neighbours after they involved their son?

[Yorkshirelasss]

I’ve been helping out my neighbors for around 3 years now. They go on holiday about 5-7 times each year. I have always helped them out for free because I’m genuinely not bothered about a payment.

It started off really easy. At first I just fed the cat, changed its water and scooped the litter tray. Then they added treats to this, fine easy. Then they added putting the bins out. Then they added watering the plants on the front and back porch. Then they got 3 huge flower beds installed so I also had to water those. Then the cat needed medication. This was a step too far and I said that I wasn’t going to do that again, but that I was still willing to help everything else.

Anyway, moving on to last year. Through my job I found out that their adult son is a level 3 sex offender. At first I was absolutely horrified and wasn’t sure what to do. As he doesn’t live there, and very rarely ever visits, and any know convictions were from 20 years ago, I decided that I wasn’t going to hold it against them so I didn’t say anything.

Moving forward to Tuesday night and the neighbors ask me to cat sit on Thursday. They only ever give me a few days notice when they are going away as they know I’ll look after the cat. Anyway, they said that another neighbor was going to come and do the medication and could I do everything else. I’m guessing that they still wanted me to do the rest so that they didn’t have to pay the other lady. I was fine with that and agreed. However, an hour later they then text again and said that she could no longer do it and that their son (name) was going to do the medication instead. I said I absolutely was not going to visit the cat if he was going to be there.

So here’s my issue. They were willing to have me, a lone woman, shut inside a house with a bloody level 3 sex offender. All the while with them thinking that I’m blissfully unaware that he’s some disgusting human being. Surely even if you’ve personally forgiven your child for their crimes, you still have a duty of care not to put a lone woman in a vulnerable position?! I’m wanting to post the key back and never help them again. I couldn’t sleep on Tuesday night and my behavior was extremely erratic yesterday, because I just kept wondering how the hell someone could do that me, even more so when I’ve done so much for them.

So why does part of me feel guilty for not helping them ever again? Really I know that I’m not being unreasonable, but I still have this stupid guilty thing that is niggling at me.

Tell them you've developed a cat allergy and can't enter a home where a cat resides!

It’s time to cut them loose. I’d say due to personal health reasons I’m finding the task difficult but I’d rather not discuss. Therefore going forward I won’t be able to attend to your property.

Good way to put it.

How on earth did your job permit you to find out this information? Have you been breaching regulations and looking at records you shouldn’t have? If so, YABVU but YANBU to not want to be anywhere near him! I also wouldn’t have set foot in that house again! He could turn up at any moment and those people are the ones who raised that monster….

The OP has already explained how she found the information.

Your neighbours have taken the piss by asking you to look after their cat not just once a year but multiple times. Moreover they have added more and more duties. This almost always happens when you become too involved with "favours for neighbours".

For future reference I have found the most effective way to head it off at the pass when someone asks a favour is to say you will think about it and give them a price. I can guarantee the conversation will not go any further. Occasionally someone may protest that surely you would not charge a neighbour. The answer is that you are not a charity and you have to charge for you time.

Yes, why not just say you are relieved their son is now able to take on all aspects of looking after their poor bewildered cat, as it has been weighing on you for some time that you needed to withdraw for (unspecified) personal/health reasons, but didn’t like to bring it up as you thought they had nobody else.
But now their son is taking over; what a lovely stroke of luck!

All offered to them in a friendly, relieved tone which conveys your expectation that there’ll be no ifs or buts from them, what with this available son in the picture, and given all the service you have rendered to date! (Key to be returned immediately too)
🤞🏼

You are not being unreasonable to want to avoid the son at all (I would feel exactly the same) but I suspect they don't see him as a predator and have hidden the past away deep into memories they have worked hard to forget.

However, that isn't your issue to deal with. If you want to continue helping them, is it necessary for you to stay there - or could you go in and out to do the jobs when you know the son won't be there? Or simply say you have a really busy week which collides with their trip and you won't be able to help this time - you've clearly gone above and beyond and you don't owe them anything.

My work has absolutely no access to records of any criminal. They literally print out pictures and descriptions of local sex offenders that are of public knowledge. My work don’t even know what he’s done, only the basis which is of public knowledge. I dug around at home in my own time to find out more. I love the outrage over nothing though, very dramatic!

Just say
"that's great that your son can pop round, it's better that he carries out all the jobs while you're away. I'll pop your key through the letterbox. I hope you enjoy your holiday"

Irrespective of his crimes, what a cheek to have him pop round for some kind rather than all of them.

I'd write a note and say due to having a lot of personal stuff going on at the moment you can't take anything else on.

I think the Op is in the USA so Mappa is not relevant in this case.

From google, level 3 sex offender in the United States is classified as the highest-risk category, meaning the individual poses the greatest danger or highest likelihood of reoffending.

There have been some really helpful replies, and a few of which I hadn’t personally thought of. I know I sound crazy for helping them out so much, but I’m a sucker for elderly people and they really did come across as a sweet couple to begin with. I shouldn’t have let them take the piss though, as that was kind of silly of me. I’m definitely going to cut ties with them. This situation has stunned me beyond belief and I really needed to vent. Thank you all for being supportive!

This is correct! I am English but I’m not currently residing there. I’ve used Mumsnet for years as I love the variety of responses and opinions. It’s good to see things from other perspectives. Where I live people are very samey in their thoughts and responses!

They might not even know!!!