AIBU to find videos of autistic meltdowns on fb distressing and wrong

[Frenchtoastie]

Seriously considering deleting Facebook as I can’t get away from this content.
does anyone else find it distressing that mothers are FILMING AND POSTING their children suffering? For attention and comments? It makes me feel physically sick

It really does make you wonder what is going through their mind, doesn’t it?! It’s such an invasion of privacy for the child. It makes me really uncomfortable. But there are many things on social media that make me feel that way!

Jesus what the fuck! The only times I recorded mine via Voice Recorder app was to play in school meetings with a local authority attendance officer and the SENDCO who both did not understand why she was so often absent and what was actually happening at home as from their point of view she was fine (masking) when she was in school. The LAO went silent immediately. Listened to all of the minutes and then said “I’m so sorry, this wasn’t made clear to me. She is extremely dysregulated and in clear distress. This is so awful to hear and you’re just trying your best to get her to attend”.
Are mums really just posting these videos of these things for everyone and anyone to see?!

FB shows you what you keep watching and engaging with.
If these sort of videos keep coming up, it is because you keep watching them.

If you are watching videos on full-screen, tap the 3 dots and click the not interested option.
And don't engage with videos you don't want to see, block the accounts.

Bit dramatic to delete Facebook unless that’s what you want to do. I’ve never seen content like you describe, I don’t go looking for it so I never get it served up.

My feed is full of nice things like baking, pressing flowers, feminism, books, gardens, crafts. You have to take a bit of responsibility for what you engage with.

FB is awful. If you hover over something by mistake it will show you endless Stop the Boat shite or awful AI videos. I stopped looking at it. My life is definitely improved.
You are not wrong about those terrible parents though. Do not engage in anyway as this boosts them. I hope their children sue them and then cut them off poor things.

To be fair if you are on SEN support groups etc the algorithm seems to push you anything SEN even these awful things where the parents profess to be SEN advocates but really are exploiting their kids

I wouldn't do it, i don't agree with it. But i do understand the mums motives ( if it is one i have seen). However misplaced it is. Its safeguarding issue publically posting your kids I feel.

A meltdown for me is where I want the earth to swallow us up, if in public. Its incredible personal to me. Almost like shouting out my child's NHS records in one way but feeling the world is looking and thinking ( nothing to see here but bad parenting). But at the same time I don't like to judge others choices.

I don't want to see them and I can say that about 98% of FB now so avoid it.

A lot do it on TikTok too. They claim it’s “raising awareness” but I disagree. I came across one woman on TikTok who filmed her young autistic daughter’s bedroom wall covered in poo to “raise awareness” for autistic smearing.

It is a total invasion of their vulnerable child’s privacy and dignity. And the fact some of these “creators” monetise off these types of videos is awful.

I 100% judge this choice. Some of these children will eventually be able to better regulate and integrate. Some of them may truly regret their worst childhood moments being forever preserved, circulated, and reused by strangers.

I understand the need to share and educate, but there are ways to do it that do not violate a child’s privacy.

Stop watching them and click not interested and they will go away

I voted YABU because “Can’t get away from this content” is ridiculously laughable.

Just stop watching those poor children and clear your cookies.

Facebook regularly serves me up completely random and fresh upsetting content no matter how many times I click disinterested or "hide all from", for everyone blaming OP.

I agree with you that it is inappropriate to post these moments. If they want to talk to other parents, there's no reason a description wouldn't suffice.

Personally if I wouldn’t show my child’s difficult circumstances online, however I think people want to create awareness of how autism manifests and the severity of what sine parents have to deal with day in day out. The explosion every third person and celebrity being ‘diagnosed’ imo detracts from the reality some families face with the severe end of ASD. It needs a different label/diagnoses to distinguish between the support levels needed. And no ‘I need my DH to hug me after my long day at work and regulate me’ isn’t the same as a 25 year old that will never be able to live alone, let alone start a family or have a relationship.

Of course most replies to this comment will be those who are married, independent, have a job but the fact you can articulate your disagreement to my opinion illustrates the significant differences in need. The people I’m taking about can’t communicate their needs and to write in here would be impossible.

So whilst I wouldn’t do it myself I can understand why some parents would due to a lack of help and to highlight how difficult their lives are.

I agree that posting a child's meltdowns feels intrusive.

I also feel strongly about videos of people with dementia which started cropping up after I did some reminiscence work. I would question whether the people consented and whether they would be happy for this to be shared as it seems so private. If they were being shared with a selected audience at a training session or case conference it would feel different, but this felt uncomfortable (and patronising) and I started hiding them.

Honestly it has never popped up on my feed.
Sounds terrible for the tantrum thrower.
Akin to major privacy issue.

I totally agree about your feelings about that kind of video. If they pop up skip the video, never engage, leave reels (or whatever) running when you leave the room (as that could be several views of the same video. A negative reaction to a video will still have the algorithm sending more as eyeballs and reactions are how they make money. Some people probably being sent rage bait because they love commenting on videos they disagree with.

Is it possible that you live with someone who watches that kind of thing? The algorithm sometimes does this because people living together sometimes share an interest so it’s worth seeing if the second person living at that address also wants to watch Manchester City goals or a food influencer trying a new restaurant.

If you sat down and did some purposeful searches for stuff you’d like to see and watch some of those videos then you will start shifting the algorithm to show you that kind of content. I have more than one SM app and they all show me different content. One shows me lots of recipes and people’s weekly shops, another shows me travel videos and the other shows clips from tv programmes that I used to watch (remember Desperate Housewives?)

This. I have no idea what you're talking about, I have never seen these things. You've clearly pursued them. Mine is full of puppies and kittens!

Not interested +
hide +
block

However, all the vids, memes, gifs etc are why I rarely go on FB.

Facebook has never shown me this kind of content. YOU are watching it, or stuff like it, so the algorithm keeps showing it to you. Either just block the content, or report it.

For a while I was getting endless spot popping videos on Facebook. I went on the 3 dots and clicked don't show this content. It took doing this several times as these videos were coming from slightly different sources, but I haven't had one in ages.
I was getting them because one of the people I am Facebook friends with likes watching them.

I sympathies with the "this is severe autism" and it's not helpful to lump everyone together. Its mainly why I can't relate to or engage with most autism things as we don't feel we fit. I have one very clever, sharp, estute autistic dd and a ds who could not talk or communicate by ANY means at 7 or read or write at 11. Its like they have two different diagnosis and verbal, literate people talking on behalf of my sons experience is insulting ( to me) as you say more eleqently. But that would include me saying it's ok to publically share your moments of despair, pain and sometimes inner torture.

So I get the reasons. I would not scarface my child for that message. A lot of these.kids can't say no and never will. My biggest fear as a parent to a non verbal child was him being harmed and not being able to tell me, therefore to ask for protection to make it stop.

I judge anyone who puts their children online so I don’t disagree with you OP. You should be able to change your algorithm though by keep pressing not interested and quickly skipping any of a similar nature.

I have never this on Facebook who are you following to see it

Disagree.

The kid smeared her excrement. That’s a fact. There’s no use hiding it - why can’t it be shown when it’s literally true?

And in the meantime the poor mother is left with shit smeared all over the room, how disgusting and heart breaking for her to have to deal with that. The least is to show the world the horrible life that the mother has to live.