To keep using a babysitter

[NotQuiteUsual]

So I don't think I'm bu, but I'm happy to be told otherwise.

So I have 3 kids. 13,10 and 8. Now I would happily leave the 13 and 10 year old alone for an hour, maybe more if we built up to it. They're very sensible, our neighbours are lovely and would help if there was a problem. But the 8 year old obviously is a different story. Shes too young to be left anyway, but shes a very young 8. I'd clock her mannerisms and personality at closer to a 5-6 year old than 8.

We have a lovely babysitter we've been using for years, now shes older her younger sister sometimes babysits too if shes busy. Great set up for us. But a friend questioned why we're hiring a babysitter when the eldest is 13 and could surely be looking after their younger siblings.

Am I wrong for thinking 13 is too young to babysit siblings for the odd evening? Or am I being overprotective somehow? I mean when the 13 year old is 16 and the youngest is 10/11 I'd happily leave them all. Or is that too old?

YANBU.

You also have to think of the sibling dynamic, a 13yo is not a voice of authority that the 8 yo will listen too.

If it was mine they'd fight.

Do what works for your family

They all get on really well and the younger 2 think the eldest is the coolest person so ever live. So they would listen. But I still think 13 is just too young to be responsible for their siblings.

I personally wouldn't put the responsibility of the 8yo on to the 13 yo.

But mine with similar age gap fight.

13 is fine to babysit for a few hours in the evening IMO. But I do get that when it is siblings it creates a different dynamic

No I think you're right. You're just being nicer to your eldest then your friend would be. Don't think anything of it.

I would say 16 sounds more reasonable but also Y11s sometimes have the option of after school revision sessions in school so they can be late out. I'd keep the babysitter on until either you are happy to leave youngest unsupervised or end of GCSEs.

I have a 13 and 8 year old. No way would I leave my teen to look after her brother for more than like 5 minutes while I ran down to the shop. She is very sensible and actually my 8 year old is probably even more sensible and responsible than she is, but I just wouldn’t expect her to be the voice of authority. She obviously would look after him in an emergency situation. But day to day, it’s too much responsibility to place on her. If she was 16, that would be different.

There’s a fine line to have a babysitter and be able to babysit.

I have two years between DC.

The last time I got a sitter DD was 13.5 and DS was 11 - nearly 12. It was more for DS than DD but we were out for a long evening (not far away but think 6pm to 11pm). I didn’t want DD to feel responsible for DS, plus they would’ve been liable to fight.

A few months later DS having just turned 12 and DD nearer 14 we left them for about 3 hours and that was the end of having a babysitter.

At 14 DD was babysitting other children (we knew the parents and we stayed at home or local just in case).

Don’t listen to your friend.

Your children are the most important thing in your life, if their safety isn’t worth spending money on, what is?

Keep the sitter.

I think 13 is too young for babysitting, especially a sibling.

I still get a babysitter to look after my 12 yo (12.5 if that makes a difference) if my 17 yo (nearly 18 now) isn't available to babysit. And if she is about she is definitely babysitting (I pay her) not just “being in the house” - she’s in charge.

Edit - my 12 yo definitely won’t be up to babysitting next year!

I agree. The things some people will risk to save a few bob!

Some people seem to be hell bent on never using childcare from a very young age, even some who can well afford it or where the going out is discretionary.

I mean 25 years ago I used to babysit other people’s children when I was 13. But then again I’m not sure I’d want to leave my young children with a 13yo nowadays.

Mine are now 15 almost 16 and 13 almost 14. The 13 yo is a young 13 and has some sen needs. She generally spends her time at home in her room. I’ve only left them on their own together for a few hours 2 years ago and in the evening in the last 9month/year. Like others have said the sibling dynamic makes it different.

An hour is fine. I’d leave my 4 yr old with her sensible 13 year old cousin for an hour if there were people close by that he’d turn to in an emergency. A whole evening id wait a few years until the oldest is 15/16.

I was left babysitting my siblings from I was about 10 (it was 50+ years ago)
They were 3 years younger than me and 6 years younger than me.
My brother was 4 years younger than me and quite a tear-a-way, so he was taken to a friend of my mother.
I hated it, the responsibility I felt was huge.
Some will say it’s good for kids to take responsibility, I doubt they’ve asked the children.
When I had my kids (4 years apart in age) I had already made up my mind that my daughter would not have a grown up responsibility as a child.
I would suggest you continue to have a babysitter for your daughter.

I babysit for a family with 3 children who are 13, 10 and 7. Don't get me wrong, I don't have to 'do' much with them as they are all pretty independent. They are all boys so usually just spend the evenings gaming etc, but I cannot imagine their mum leaving the older two to look after the youngest for a few more years yet! Even then, everyone needs to be happy and on board with it otherwise you're asking for trouble!

I leave my 14 year old on her own for a few hours on an evening occasionally . Wouldn’t leave any longer than that .
she’s very mature but I’m conscious she’s still a child , I wouldn’t want her looking after any younger siblings x

I’m far happier to leave my 5YO and 9YO with a 14YO cousin than with someone who isn’t family so is much more of an unknown. Yes there’s a different dynamic and it tends to result in a pizza takeaway and late bedtime after watching a film and playing mario kart but if it’s the weekend then that’s fine. Whilst 13 is young I think planning on not leaving them until your eldest is 16 is very protective. Personally I’d plan to start in a year ish so 14 with smaller trips out like popping to the shops and then gradually build up to a whole evening.

My three youngest are 10 12 and 16..the 16 year old occasionally watches the other two for an hour in the afternoon after school whilst I'm in the last hour of my work shift. He's at college now so finishes slightly later sometimes and I'll still sort childcare for the 10 year old as my 12 almost 13 year old shouldn't need to be responsible for her 10year old sister even for an hour

I have 13 and 8 year old. They definitely need an adult in the house, 13 year old is fine on their own, but together they can argue, youngest can refuse to do what 13 year old says, 13 year old gets distracted.
I was babysitting at that age myself but I seem to have not brought up my kids to be as self sufficient as I was or as selfless, or as able to resolve conflict between them.
it maybe I am just over cautious, I am not sure why but I don’t feel like they would be able to follow the rules I set for them, remain civil to each other and not cause any issue at all just yet.

I was babysitting for neighbours at 13 but you know your family. If the younger one is likely to play up her sibling shouldn't be left in charge.

Well I'm glad the general consensus is ianbu. Will definetly be keeping the babysitters number in my phone a few more years

Every family is different, and it's completely up to you RE: what you think is safe. Would the younger ones listen to/obey the 13 yr old? What would happen in an emergency? Some 13+ year olds can babysit other people's children much more effectively than their own siblings, I know this was true when I was 13 and babysitting other people's kids but not my own siblings!! Personally, if my kids were the same ages as yours, I would leave them alone for up to an hour but probably not more than that. Probably when the oldest is 15 I'd let her babysit. But it's your call!! :)

It isn't fair to make a 13 year old responsible for their siblings. Even if they get one then sibling dynamic is not the same as that iof a babysitter. You are not being unreasonable to insist on a babysitter

Keep with baby sitter. In a couple of years or sooner your oldest might not want to sit in and will want to go out. You will then be in need of a babysitter!