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To not let my 18yr old DS have his drugs back

78 replies

TheSereneBird · Yesterday 15:14

I posted last week about my 18 year old accessing his child ISA account. Things have escalated but him accessing that money is the least of my worries now. I thought I would start a new thread rather than continue the old one.

My DS went to stay with a friend for a few days and then randomly came home the other morning. (He has a history of self medicating for his ADHD with cannabis and he is now most probably addicted and destroying his life. He has recently lost his job). I heard him rattling around downstairs so once he went up to bed I went to see what he had been doing downstairs. On the ktichen table I find 8 or so small containers with white powder - some were in crystal form and had white powder crushed by it. Just left there. I am sure he didn't mean to leave it but I have an younger child who would have trotted dowsnstairs in the morning and seen it. I hid it and gave it to my husband, We were not sure what it was but assumed it was not a good or legal thing. He's now asking me if I have taken anything from him. I have questioned him and said what exactly do you think I took? Was it some weed? He said no not weed. He has told me now it wsa cocaine. I don't know if that is definitely true or he is trying to wind me up but this has happened once before. Last time, we told him we'd taken it and he was not getting it back. We ended up giving him several hundreds of pounds to pay someone off and he swore he wouldnt get involved again.He has told me he doesnt take it only sells a little bit because he needs money. He said he is in debt. We have bailed him out so many times (usually for large amountd of weed). I feel so scared and have no idea what to do. Obviously we wont be returning it - my DH actually threw it out. I have suggested he spends the time looking for a job if he needs money. He said he is doing that too but its 3pm and he has only just woken up. How the hell do I navigate this?? Who can I turn to for help? I feel desperate.

OP posts:
TheSereneBird · Today 13:38

serene12 · Today 12:42

Having been in a similar situation, I realised that I had to be honest with professionals and to myself. My son was 18 when his addiction escalated. Our home was no longer a sanctuary, but a war zone. My son had to feel the consequences of his poor choices. The biggest consequence for him, was having to move out & we had to involve the Police. He eventually ended up in supported housing, where there were strict boundaries I.e. they got woken up early, no drugs etc. He recovered there. Our family also started to recover, from the family disease of addiction.
If you are honest with social work, it will demonstrate that you are safeguarding and prioritizing your younger children's welfare. Social work do not swoop in and take children away from their families, they will offer you support.
I do hope that you are able to get help for all your family.
The 3 C's of addiction
You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You cannot cure it

Can you tell me more about supported housing? What exactly is it and how do you access/qualify for it?

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · Today 13:45

If he has money in an ISA, can’t he use that to pay his debts?

I would consider telling him you will take him to rehab or turn him into the police. Since you got rid of the evidence it’s not a real threat though so I don’t know if it would work.

serene12 · Today 13:59

We live in Scotland, so the rules might be different. When we used the Police to help evict him, they took him to our local council offices. Intially he was placed in a council flat with occasional housing officer visits. He was then referred to a Young Person's supported housing project.
Supported housing varies according to where you live, your son's social worker will be aware of availability and his suitability.

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