Why does he ignore me?

[JudesBiggestFan]

I guess I’m looking for some views. I have a male friend at work. I’m married. He was initially. After a couple of months he told me he was getting divorced. He didn’t tell anyone else for months but people do often feel comfortable telling me things. We got super close but it never feels like a straightforward friendship. At times very intense, lots of emotions sharing, general teasing. I’ve been on holiday for a week and he blanked me in the office. When I pulled him up on it he said he was stressed and he was sorry. Thasva very brief abridgement. From my point of view it’s a friendship but I do wonder is it possible to be friends with men in the same way it is with other women? The if ignoring thing has happened a few times…he always apologises and we reset but it’s very unsettling. Also, is it even appropriate to have male friends? We are the same age.

We got super close but it never feels like a straightforward friendship. At times very intense, lots of emotions sharing, general teasing.

This sounds like an emotional affair rather than a friendship.

You’re married….. that’s your answer.

We got super close but it never feels like a straightforward

He is not looking for friendship from you, just sex.

Of course it's possible for women to be friends with men. But is it possible for you to have a normal friendship with him? Maybe not.

She said she was married !!

You’re in the early stages of an emotional affair. Back off.

It feels like you want to be told that he fancies you.

It sounds like he’s playing games. He doesn’t sound like a genuine friend, I’d be inclined to distance myself from him

Sounds like it was never platonic from his point of view.
Yes, men and women can have genuine friendships. But i don't think that's what's happening here.
Do him a favour and accept a bit of distance in your relationship.

Why are you so incredibly keen to be his friend? What do you mean you got "super close". He's just a colleague and he blows hot and cold with you. Sounds like you're looking for more from this OP. How old are you?

I tried to summarise. We’ve formed a really close friendship. Message every day. Go out about once a week. Usually another mutual friend there too. Lunch together at work. He’s going through a really difficult time and I’ve been both a support but genuinely we’ve had so much fun together. Nothing is secret from my husband but the two of them have never met. I suppose my question is - neither of us have ever made a move, the only physical contact is hugs. Would you call that an emotional affair or acceptable friendship? The random distancing is a confusing issue and I suppose it’s a case of…is it just impossible for men and women to share all this closeness legitimately. We’re both 45. I have three teen sons. And the question why do I want this friendship - we have great fun together. He’s interesting. I’ve always had work friends who I support and have fun with but never a male one before.

It’s clear you want an affair

Erm, yeah OP it’s clear you are interested in him I a way that isn’t platonic. I hug my male friends briefly on a hello or goodbye but I’ve known them over twenty years and not via work and as “support”.
Most likely he’s being distant because he’s realised you are interested and he’s not. I therefore disagree he’s looking for a shag .. if he was you’d not be asking the specific questions you are asking.
of course it’s appropriate to have FRIENDS of either sex - is it appropriate to want more than that while married.. not if you sign up to what marriage usually means..

It’s very clear he’s in the huff because you’ve been away with your husband and it’s very clear you know that.

Your "friendship" is inappropriate, and your "friend" has realised this. And don't bother with the wide-eyed "why is it inappropriate". You know why.

It sounds like he is trying to pull away from you. It would be best all round if you accepted that.

Ok. Clearly one way or another it reads as inappropriate. Will draw back from the friendship.

I don’t think it’s inappropriate to have male friends. I have lots of them. I go away with one frequently and we share a room. It doesn’t bother DP in the slightest.

The problem is that you (presumably) fancy him?