AIBU to struggle with not having either parent in my life?

[notmeaningtoberudebut]

My mum died from cancer when I was 21 and my dad hasn't been in my life since I was a baby. I did try and reach out to him s few years ago but he wasn't interested.

im 34 and wish I had a parent. How do others cope?

I had to go n/c with mine since my father was violent and my mother always covered for him. It hit hardest with having kids and seeing others with helpful, loving parents and us having no one. DH’s dad is dead and MIL and her husband are not emotionally engaged although we do see them. We’ve just done everything by ourselves. My kids say they don’t care but I suppose they don’t know what they’ve missed out on. Every so often I get an abusive letter from my father (or my kids do) but that’s how it’s always been so…

I changed my name as quite personal.

I was weirdly thinking the same earlier. I think it’s the new term starting and just feeling sad no family to share it with.
I was very close to my parents and they both died of cancer in short succession to one another. really unexpected as there is no history in our family.
I think of them every day - sometimes happy and sometimes sad. I know I’ll never be the same without them. I do have fun and enjoy life but always with sadness.
I have never had therapy as not really my style and like to just get on with things but I miss them terribly.

I feel sorry for my children as dh parents aren't in the picture aswell for different reasons. This might seem silly but I feel very vulnerable today and wish I could could go to my mums and have my dinner cooked for me and feel looked after. She used to make the best mac n cheese with chips 😢

Both my parents had died by the time I was 29, I’m now 55 and so it’s been a long time for me, I’m an only child as well and really have no really close relatives- cousins only but the ones I see are overseas.

I make sure I’ve got good friends around me. I’m very ‘good’ at keeping up with my friends and even if we don’t see each other for a bit, I know they’re there. I could put myself out there more but at 55 I can’t be arsed and am happy w my friends as they are.

I suppose the worst time for me on terms of missing them (more my mum, sorry dad, but we clashed massively - I don’t miss him now) was when I got married and had young DC. I had my PILs but never had a close relationship with them, but they were great w DC and loved them. I can’t fault them in any way for that (they’re both dead now too).

Also at ‘family’ times of the year when everyone is gather with their extended families is sad for me. DH has a brother so we see his family, but again not particularly close but we get on ok for a meal/xmas etc.

I also have young adult DC now who fill a family gap, it’s rare we all get together at the same time although they currently live here everyone is out at different times.

I miss my mum still, but I think that’s ok. I’ve made peace with that, but would like that big family Xmas which I’ve never had and unless DCs/their cousins have kids in the next few years it prob won’t happen.

Also - DS recently graduated, you can’t get a single photo and we had no-one to send the mini ones too, that was sad. It’s silly things like that.

It’s really hard. My mum passed away when I was in my twenties too, becoming a mum without having her has been so tough. My dad isn’t a part of my life either.

I find support elsewhere when I can, friends, in laws, counselling at times I need to talk through the heavy stuff, and do my best to make her proud. She was a strong woman and a great mum, so I do my best to follow in her footsteps.

its really shit sometimes!

Both my parents had passed by the time I turned 21 (nearly 40 now) and I do find it really tough, especially during certain milestones and thinking about my daughter not having them in her life.

I don’t get on with my siblings and my husbands family are a nightmare, so family isn’t a big deal for us. Instead, we have cultivated really lovely friendships that are the family we choose

Lost my dad as a young teen and my mother twenty yrs ago ( but she had been ill since i was a teen), currently have my son in hospital for a long stay - been 3 mths already- and for the first time, I am struggling with having no parents. Look after yourself and take support where you can.

Same situation here really. Lost my mum in my teens lost contact with dad before I had children. DH likewise had no family by the time we started our family. It’s made me very, very independent and self reliant and in many ways I was glad to be able to make my own decisions with no one else criticising or commenting.

Now there’s just me left along with my own children and their families. My children never met any other family members. We do our own thing the way we like them. I suppose I ve missed out on big family events, never been to family parties or barbecues, etc. But honestly I’m happy enough really. I had good friendships.

I don’t have either parent . They’re still alive but I don’t know them anymore . Haven’t done for many years .
it is lonely . I can’t grieve as they aren’t dead - but may as well be as there is no contact .

can only try and get on with your own life . But sad for the children not to have grandparents.

I think it's different when you had a loving mother, she looked after you and you miss her. For a lot of us we didn't have that relationship so not having them around is easier for the most part. I don't have either parent, never met my dad and my mum was abusive, I haven't seen her or my brother's in 8 years, I push any feelings I have aside as I long for a loving mother, not my actual mother. My children don't know either set of grandparents, fil works with dp but he isn't interested in them so we have given up trying to facilitate years ago.

I'm really sorry you're struggling with losing your mother. I think that part of you will never get over losing her and not having her in your life, I think you will have to accept this and the fact that it will always hurt.

Both my parents had died by the time I was 21. Ive just had to crack on. At times though some parental support would have been appreciated