Another friendship thread, I'm afraid, but I think both people involved could use some perspective please!
First time posting and trying not to be outing, but potentially throwing a match on a car crash here!
Best friends for over 30 years. Extremely close, despite not living near one another. Basically family at this point.
They share a special interest and go to see live events together whenever practical. Friend A is diagnosed neurodivergent, Friend B suspects they are, so it very much is a special interest for them both, which is relevant. For the purposes of this, let's say motorsport.
They tried to arrange dates for some upcoming races together, which was a logistical nightmare given their different family commitments, but they had several provisional dates in mind ahead of tickets going on sale.
Friend A mentioned they also intended to try to get tickets to one additional race to attend separately with their teenage son, as this is something Friend A had wanted to do for a long time.
To be clear, this wasn't proposed as instead of attending races with Friend B. Friend A was considering going with their son on a date that Friend B could not attend, due to prior commitments.
Friend A still wanted to go to several races with Friend B, as normal.
Friend B said that they would consider Friend A attending a race without them a friendship dealbreaker and told Friend A not to book tickets to go with their son.
Friend A said that they valued the friendship enormously, but also felt they should be able to experience a race with their son.
No more was said about it and the friends continued to plan their trips together.
When tickets went on sale, they successfully booked tickets to a couple of races on dates that were mutually convenient.
Each friend had booked and paid for one of the races they planned to attend together and were excited to go.
Afterwards, Friend A managed to get tickets for the additional race with their son and, wanting to be honest with Friend B, told them.
Friend B was extremely upset and told Friend A that they hated them. Friend A apologised for Friend B being hurt, but would not apologise for wanting to have this experience with their son.
Friend B effectively ended the friendship on the spot and there has been no contact since. This was months ago.
To avoid dripfeeding, historically the friends have always exclusively gone to these events together, with the exception of when Friend B's father has joined them several times (he is in a wheelchair now and unfortunately unable to go anymore).
Both friends have teenagers who have expressed an interest in going over the years. Friend A has made attempts in the past to include them, but Friend B has always maintained that they prefer that the races remain something the two friends do exclusively together.
So now both of the friends own a set of tickets to upcoming races that they had intended to see together and a 30 year friendship seems to have ended quite abruptly!
Who, if anyone, is being unreasonable here?
Was Friend B right to be upset with Friend A for crossing a line, as the races were their thing?
Or was Friend A right to want to share a special interest with their son, whilst continuing the friendship tradition?
And given that Friend B had explicitly said beforehand that this would be a friendship dealbreaker, was Friend A unreasonable to go ahead anyway?
Does either friend owe the other an apology in order to save a 30 year friendship, or should both accept that there is no coming back from this?
Hopefully that all made sense!
For voting purposes:
YANBU = Agree with Friend A (you should be able to see a race with your son separately)
YABU = Agree with Friend B (the races were special to the friendship and you have effectively chosen your son over me)