To wish I’d slept with more guys?

[britneyisfreebutnotokay]

Not a TAAT but inspired by a thread I saw earlier about judging people for having more sexual partners.

this morning I was thinking I wish I’d slept with more! It occurred to me that in my prime mad years I had my own flat and never once brought a random dude home and I regretted it SO much!

im almost .40, been with the same man for the last 20 years and all I can think is why didn’t I have more fun????? All that worry about being virtuous and I could’ve been having the sex of my life.

so, AIBU?

Do you really regret it?

And if you had had lots of casual sex you might be starting a thread today saying you regretted it.
And taking " random dudes" back to your flat you would have been putting yourself in real physical danger.
If you are not happy in your 20 year relationship that is a different matter altogether. You are still young enough to start again if you are hankering after new sexual experiences.

I kind of do tbh. Like just a few wild nights. Definitely not going to happen now!

Very good points.

You're never too old

I saw that thread as well and I’ve been thinking about it. The lady sounded so lovely and good fun/intelligent.
Honestly though - in my far more limited experience it is just much better with someone you love and get to know. I suspect there’s a reason you didn’t have casual hookups and it’s because you are someone who deep down knows that’s not something that would have made them feel good about themselves afterwards. If you’d wanted to you would have!

I think casual sex is pretty overrated and has a law of diminishing returns: a few one night stands could be exciting but doing it all the time would be a bit desolate and soul destroying (for me).

I can see why you might feel differently if you have been in a LTR for a long time and miss the excitement of flirting etc but I don’t think you are missing much.

I see what you mean. Im the same age and look back and wonder why I didnt sleep around. When I really think if it though, I wasnt attracted to anyone to want to sleep with them. Ive only ever been attracted to two people and one of them is my partner.

Just read one of your later comments. I doubt you’d have been having the sex of your life with other fumbling 19 year olds!

Hahahaha very true.

It’s weird because I just didn’t think of it! Honestly never occurred to me.

I've taken many, many lovers - and am a similar age to you - and it's fine. I wouldn't worry too much, honestly. I'm sure you've had experiences I've not, so it evens out.

Yanbu

I really really regret not sleeping around. I was stopped by those evil 'morals', 'no-one will love you, you slag' traditional values bellends

The things bullies have taken from me honestly

And a man who judges women for sleeping around is usually an incel anyway

Not necessarily. I don't especially regret having casual sex in my younger years. That's not to say that I think the OP has missed out especially.

I had sex twice with 2 different people before i met XH. We were together 20 years. I loved having sex with him and never once regretted the amount of sex i had before him.

When we separated, i got out there and had so much fun with lots of different men in lots of different ways. That was when i regretted my pre marriage sex life and wished I'd slept with more men. I really enjoyed casual sex.

I'm now with a man who I'm hoping (and looks like he) will be my Mr Forever. The experiences i had before him have made our sex life really good.

Essentially i didn't miss what i didn't have. Now i know what i was missing, i really should have missed it!

I hear you, OP. I’ve only ever had sex with my DH and is not because of cultural or religious reasons. My DH had casual and serious relationships before me. We are two years apart. We met in our early 20s.

I read those other posts with a mix of different thoughts and wonder if I missed out on experimenting and building a strong sexual identity in my past.

This sums it up for me!

when I get my second chance I intend to grab it with both hands! Safely of course

Of course not necessarily.
My point was she has no idea how she would feel now if she had had more casual sex.
Very very many people look back on their lives and think if only they had made different decisions but if they had made different decisions they might have regretted those.

I feel the same!

Im the opposite, so wish I hadn’t have slept with so many men (not 100s or anything just wish I hadn’t had slept with some so easily!) ive been single and celibate for 10 years now as causal sex isnt for me and I have no interest in sleeping with people I don’t care about or have feelings for, it certainly didnt make me feel good about myself i just had low self worth!

Of course. But you could feel like that about loads of things. If you contemplated every decision retrospectively then you would go crazy.

Haha I think that too sometimes...so many wasted opportunities I just didn't realise at the time.

Before I separated from my ex I’d only slept with 2 people. Then we split and I started going to swingers clubs, I’m having so much fun and loving sex again. My motto is you only live once so have all the fun you want with no regrets.

Yes exactly.

That's why OP wishing she had had lots of casual sex in the past is pointless.

But she has the capacity to change her life now and have casual.sex now if that's what she feel really is right for her.