Wife kissed her boss after a harvest festival tradition, am I overthinking it?

[Williemm]

My wife and I are both in our mid 40s and have been married for 17 years. We have three children. My wife is quite senior in her company, and her boss is in his late 40s and also fairly senior. So this isn't a case of her being a junior employee and her boss being some much older man.

Last Friday, she was in France with her boss and a few other junior colleagues because the company has an important business relationship with a French vineyard. They were there during the grape harvest as part of the partnership.......and the vineyard invited them to participate in the traditional vendange rather than just having meetings and dinners.

Apparently there was a proper harvest ceremony as well. The vineyard has someone who leads the ceremony, and the junior visitors were involved in harvesting the first ceremonial basket of grapes. My wife and her boss ended up being the two people paired together for that part.

At the end, the harvest master was talking about the old harvest customs and good luck for the coming vintage. He then smiled and jokingly suggested that, since my wife and her boss had harvested the ceremonial grapes together, perhaps they should seal it with a traditional "harvest kiss" for good luck.

It was clearly said in a playful way rather than as an instruction, and everyone laughed.
My wife said she hesitated because, obviously kissing your boss is quite a strange thing to be asked to do...... But after a moment she decided to go along with it and kissed him on the lips.

There were colleagues and vineyard people around, so it wasn't secretive or anything like that. She told me about it herself afterwards, and as far as I know there is absolutely nothing going on between them. I'm not accusing her of cheating.

But I can't decide how I feel about it. On one hand, I can see that it was a cultural/harvest ceremony and she was caught up in the occasion. On the other hand, she could have declined once she realised what was being suggested, particularly because this was her boss.

Would you find this completely harmless and just part of an unusual work trip, or would you also think it crossed a line,

My wife and her boss are good friends and have known each other for the last 20 years. Also, for context, I'm Brit

I think you're being prudish - kissing on the lips (in front of collegues!) isn't that wildly saucy.
If I had to do this my husband would be sympathising and laughing with me about it for about 30 seconds then we'd move on.

Wine? 4 second kiss that could have been side stepped? Bit naughty.

I agree it's weird but in an 'awkward situation which she didn't handle brilliantly' way, rather than in a 'she's unfaithful or trying to be' kind of way. I wouldn't be thrilled if it were my husband but I also wouldn't think our marriage was in danger.

@Williemm I don’t know why the vote says you are being unreasonable!

I’d be pissed off, why couldn’t she kiss him on the cheek!

There was no need to kiss on the lips, whether it’s tradition or not she shouldn’t have kissed him on the lips

I wonder how she’d feel if you did the same

I can’t believe the poll results, this is totally unacceptable in my opinion, no need for it at all!

I was thinking to myself oooh La La maybe they might end squishing the grapes together

Did anyone film it? Have you seen it? Were eyes closed? Body language leaning into each other? How on earth are we to judge the intensity and feeling behind the kiss otherwise.

Broadly speaking though - even based on lingering for 4 seconds - I wouldn't worry about this.

I wouldn't be pleased if my husband did it, I'd expect him to say no. I would say no if someone suggested I kiss my boss.

What an awful position for your wife to be put in, in a foreign country and the focal point of a ceremony - I don't think any thing she could have done would have been that great - refusing/serving away whilst he leans in for a quick peck etc. Assuming there is nothing else going on and it was just a quick peck on the lips, I'd just laugh it off and move on.

Easy to believe the pole results as it’s a man posting about his DW kissing another man.

MNtters will defend a female to the death in a situation that they would have advised LTB if the roles were reversed.

This is France. Surely they meant the traditional French ‘la bise’ ie a kiss on the cheek?. Would never have entered my head to kiss on the lips? Weird.

Not in the scenario that the OP was talking about no I couldn’t.

Reading your updates- it appears they were put in an awkward position BUT I would not want to be kissing anyone other than my partner on the lips. Especially a long kiss. I’d be upset too in your position.

Yeah, there was an Instagram story and a photo where my wife was tagged. In fact, there were 16 or 17 other photos, and she was very close to him

The issue is that I don't want my wife kissing another man. It was a long, deep kiss. I don't know Just because she was honest doesn't make it any less than infidelity, because I believe physical intimacy in our marriage is strictly exclusive."

I think it's fair enough to feel uncomfortable with it. Have you told your wife how you feel, and what did she say?

In her shoes, I would find it really awkward with the boss after that. A line has been crossed that shouldn't have been crossed.

I am a married woman,no way would I kiss him on the lips.only side of the face.

Sounds harmless to me - a bit like News Years Eve, when midnight strikes. 😉

What a storm in a teacup/wineglass!

You are thinking about yourself rather than your wife who was put into a very uncomfortable situation. Let it go.

What do you mean “proper lip kiss”? Presumably she didn’t snog him with tongues, so just a closed lip peck. It was part of the tradition and I can see it being a difficult thing to refuse in the circumstances, you say there was joking and it wouldn’t behave been expected but you weren’t there and having been in those sorts of cultural situations it is very difficult to push back on what is frankly quite an innocent thing, it’s not like they had to fuck or bring down the society.

Youre being jealous and ridiculous. If you trust her let it go, would have been more concerned if she’d refused frankly.

Lol, classic gaslighting. How dare you get upset. Spare a thought for your poor DW who kissed another man by her own free will.

I would expect an experienced senior women in a company could very easily sidestep "peer pressure" from junior colleagues and staff at a vineyard.

She will have been in far more difficult and stressful situations than this at work. Easily avoidable. She chose not to avoid it and has upset her DH as a result.

Definitely this

I suppose now it depends how much they both enjoyed it and whether it’s opened a doorway to huge amounts of shagging behind your back and your life in tatters as a result. Or would that be overthinking it a bit.

Oh gosh I would hate this! I really would feel very jealous. I'd try not to overreact though as the feelings would subside. I'd tell my spouse though later when I was calm how hurt I felt and that I didn't appreciate it. It was unnecessary to go along with it.

I would find that hard - theres a mwah on both cheeks, fine, a quick peck on lips, lapse of judgment and annoying but whatever. A 3-4 second snog, I find that odd she would not consider your feelings and not do it. Did she express feeling pressured in the moment? Is she embarrassed now? I would probably feel a bit hurt. You feel what you feel. I probably wouldn't let it fester and take over. But would express how I felt and would be upset if my partner dismissed my feelings about it.