Wife kissed her boss after a harvest festival tradition, am I overthinking it?

[Williemm]

My wife and I are both in our mid 40s and have been married for 17 years. We have three children. My wife is quite senior in her company, and her boss is in his late 40s and also fairly senior. So this isn't a case of her being a junior employee and her boss being some much older man.

Last Friday, she was in France with her boss and a few other junior colleagues because the company has an important business relationship with a French vineyard. They were there during the grape harvest as part of the partnership.......and the vineyard invited them to participate in the traditional vendange rather than just having meetings and dinners.

Apparently there was a proper harvest ceremony as well. The vineyard has someone who leads the ceremony, and the junior visitors were involved in harvesting the first ceremonial basket of grapes. My wife and her boss ended up being the two people paired together for that part.

At the end, the harvest master was talking about the old harvest customs and good luck for the coming vintage. He then smiled and jokingly suggested that, since my wife and her boss had harvested the ceremonial grapes together, perhaps they should seal it with a traditional "harvest kiss" for good luck.

It was clearly said in a playful way rather than as an instruction, and everyone laughed.
My wife said she hesitated because, obviously kissing your boss is quite a strange thing to be asked to do...... But after a moment she decided to go along with it and kissed him on the lips.

There were colleagues and vineyard people around, so it wasn't secretive or anything like that. She told me about it herself afterwards, and as far as I know there is absolutely nothing going on between them. I'm not accusing her of cheating.

But I can't decide how I feel about it. On one hand, I can see that it was a cultural/harvest ceremony and she was caught up in the occasion. On the other hand, she could have declined once she realised what was being suggested, particularly because this was her boss.

Would you find this completely harmless and just part of an unusual work trip, or would you also think it crossed a line,

My wife and her boss are good friends and have known each other for the last 20 years. Also, for context, I'm Brit

Quick peck on lips is completely different to a full blown snog.

assuming it was the former then I would laugh it off and forget about it. Snog I would be less happy about.

Over everything id be questioning their common sense... everyone laughed, took it as a joke but she did it anyway like??? Like obviously dont do it? It doesnt sound like anyone actually expected her to do it so why on earth did she? Doesnt sound like she is hiding anything as she told you but it is odd and like i said, seems lacking in common sense. I am sure she would not like it if the tables were turned.

I couldn’t get worked up about it.

Erm it’s weird because I would have kissed on the cheek if at all because I can’t imagine kissing my boss on the lips🥴
as she’s been open and told you I’m not sure I would be overly bothered

This reads like the first instalment of some sort of AI cuck nonsense.

Why so much detail? And why do you want to blame her? Sounds like an awkward situation for her that she handled pretty well.

Shoehorning 'vendange' into an OP. Magnificent!
Fair play, fella. Fair play. You just upped the game.

I'm not blaming her, but a full kiss seems unnecessary. What I actually think is that she could have just said no it was simple

I'm asking for other persons perspective

Yeah i thought same

Was there tongue?

She told you. It was a difficult spur of the moment decision to make. There's nothing in it. What's your issue really?

She didn’t cheat and she told you about it. Have you told her how you feel about it all? You say that you can’t decide how you feel about it, but you obviously do have feelings because you’re on here posting about it. It’s really important that you articulate your ease and get to grips with what concerns you and how you think you could deal with this with your wife.

It seems to me that your solution is in conversations with your wife, not being spurred on to any particular standpoint by MN,

I think it would be helpful for both you and for us if you articulate what your feelings are, what you are worried about and what you want from posters here.

Yeah, I'm with you. I'd be annoyed if my DH did that when he could have just not done it. I would absolutely say 100% there is nothing going on but that's a bit icky. I can't imagine any scenario where I would be OK with me or DH kissing bosses on the lips.

That made me actually LOL. Did her boss grab her boob? I mean, come on! I can see she was in a really awkward position, was caught up in the ceremony and just didn't think properly or quickly enough/ take the instruction as a joke.

Do you really think the motivation behind it was sexual? They were doing what they were told in front of a group of their peers. Not sneaking off into the night to have a clandestine snog.

If they were fucking then they'd be doing it anyway and the harvest peck wouldn't make any difference either way.

So much utterly unnecessary detail

Look hard enough Op and she’s prob posted on Mumsnet about whether or not to tell you.

How is it a difficult spur of the moment decision to make? I’m a married woman and if someone suggested I kiss someone else I’d say no thanks take a handshake instead. It’s really not difficult at all

She just played along with the custom as a spur of the moment thing, also to keep the group spirit jolly. It was a harmless peck on the lips. You're supposed to join in the fun of these things, particularly when with a big group - join in with a local dance, singalong as you swill beer, knock back a schnaps to each toast, cover your head with a veil, kiss the Blarney stone hanging upside down, etc., etc.

Harmless fun. She's a good sport!

Sounds a bit embarrassing but I wouldn't be concerned about your relationship, unless you have other reasons to worry.

As long as they weren't French kissing*, I wouldn't worry.

*Although, if it was French-style mwah-mwah cheek kissing then that would be fine!

Since it was in France a kiss on each cheek would have been a happy middle ground between a spoil sport refusal and a full kiss on the lips. Or a jokey well we are British so our equivalent is to shake hands. Reminds me of when I went to our Paris office with work and was introduced to a bunch of other employees in a bar after work. I stuck out my hand for a handshake just as one of them leaned in for a kiss on both cheeks. Everyone thought it was hilarious that I was so jolly British.

I'd struggle to be meaningfully cut up about this as there's not any evidence to support an affair or even romantic feelings, but at the same time I think her judgement was quite poor. Kissing on the lips as senior colleagues at a representative function, is a bit of a weird decision; there were plenty of ways it could have been avoided ranging from laughing it off and declining, or simply kissing on the cheek to honour the tradition.

It's done anyway. I think I'd want to have a conversation about why she made the decision to kiss in the moment, accept an apology and move on.

The Blarney Stone doesn't generally kiss you back though.

Well, no, actually it IS difficult, if you've ever been in that situation, to refuse something that is part of a local cultural tradition and involves colleagues, especially if you're put on the spot like that.

OP, assuming it was just a peck on the lips, yes, you're overthinking.

It wouldn't be so strange if it had been a peck on the cheek, or actually an air kiss on the cheek. Kissing on the lips sounds pretty unnecessary.