Wife kissed her boss after a harvest festival tradition, am I overthinking it?

[Williemm]

My wife and I are both in our mid 40s and have been married for 17 years. We have three children. My wife is quite senior in her company, and her boss is in his late 40s and also fairly senior. So this isn't a case of her being a junior employee and her boss being some much older man.

Last Friday, she was in France with her boss and a few other junior colleagues because the company has an important business relationship with a French vineyard. They were there during the grape harvest as part of the partnership.......and the vineyard invited them to participate in the traditional vendange rather than just having meetings and dinners.

Apparently there was a proper harvest ceremony as well. The vineyard has someone who leads the ceremony, and the junior visitors were involved in harvesting the first ceremonial basket of grapes. My wife and her boss ended up being the two people paired together for that part.

At the end, the harvest master was talking about the old harvest customs and good luck for the coming vintage. He then smiled and jokingly suggested that, since my wife and her boss had harvested the ceremonial grapes together, perhaps they should seal it with a traditional "harvest kiss" for good luck.

It was clearly said in a playful way rather than as an instruction, and everyone laughed.
My wife said she hesitated because, obviously kissing your boss is quite a strange thing to be asked to do...... But after a moment she decided to go along with it and kissed him on the lips.

There were colleagues and vineyard people around, so it wasn't secretive or anything like that. She told me about it herself afterwards, and as far as I know there is absolutely nothing going on between them. I'm not accusing her of cheating.

But I can't decide how I feel about it. On one hand, I can see that it was a cultural/harvest ceremony and she was caught up in the occasion. On the other hand, she could have declined once she realised what was being suggested, particularly because this was her boss.

Would you find this completely harmless and just part of an unusual work trip, or would you also think it crossed a line,

My wife and her boss are good friends and have known each other for the last 20 years. Also, for context, I'm Brit

Could have done a jokey air kiss or jokey gallant back of hand kiss or nothing!

like you say it was not secretive and done openly do id say “ yuk you should have had firmer boundaries”. but if you are sure there idnt something going on id leave it

I’m assuming this was a peck on the lips. Astonished someone asked if there were tongues, on what planet would that happen in this context. Anyway. I couldn’t get worked up about it,

That sounds like a socially awkward situation that she went along with, like with mistletoe or a kiss cam. The circumstances and the fact that she told you would suggest that's all it was. The man was probably awkward too. I wouldn't dwell on it

It’s weird and I’d be annoyed but I’d keep the annoyance to myself I would try not to dwell on it. She told you the story and she herself seems to be a bit taken aback by it.

It was proper lip kiss!! Not just a peck on lips

Oh god, really?

Peck on the lips, which they were kind of railroaded into.
In a room full of people.
She told you.

You don't know how you feel? Really? There's nothing to feel surely? She just told you about her day. If she was having an affair or wanted to sleep with her boss, do you think she'd tell you any of this??!

A snog? A full on French kiss?
What do you class as a 'proper lip kiss'?

What do you mean? Like a proper snog going on for more than 2 secs??

Quite weird that she went along with it if she didn’t want to. If anyone told me to kiss my boss I’d laugh and tell them to fuck off.

I would forgive this I would not class this as cheating, your wife was put on the spot in front of everyone and probably made the decision hastily and it was just a peck. I do think it is quite inappropriate for this to have been suggested at a work event but anyway maybe it’s different in other countries and vineyards

I think you are being ridiculous to be honest.

You say you just want peoples perspective but you ae clearly upset, and its OK to feel that way, its the woman you love and her actions clearly surprised you. I imagine it opened emotional doors you are struggling to shut.

You haven't mentioned it, so I am assuming you have no other reason to doubt her or her loyalty.

But, she did it, if she hadn't told you and it came out in all innocence years later, you would then have reasons to doubt her - afterall why hide something that is innocent?

Lip on lip snog, well that comes in many forms. Was it a real passionate kiss, long and lingering, were tongues involved - I suspect not!

She was out of her comfort zone, didn't want to spoil the fun and went for it, maybe not her finest hour but I doubt it was anything more than a role play kiss, in her head.

Again, I do understand why the very thought discomforts you and its OK to tell her that. Tell her next time, well there shouldn't be a next time but she should perhaps give him an exaggerated kiss on the cheek, or kiss on both cheeks since it was France but not on the lips. But appreciate she was put on the spot and she did what she did, probably in a role play stance than a passionate exchange.

Show her what a proper snog looks and feels like to seal the deal and realise from the reaction, she is yours.

How does kissing actually work in French tradition? I know 'French kissing' exists, but this obviously wasn't just a simple cheek peck

Kissing on the cheeks I'd say completely acceptable (and very normal in France) but not on the lips.

Yeah I'm actually sad

You didn't answer.

A peck on the lips is two people touching lips, no mouths open.
So what did she do? You say it was more than a peck on the lips, which only leaves mouths open/French kiss. And no, French kiss is a big kiss with tongues, not something that only happens in France.

Which is it? Because it does change things.

Much ado about nothing.

It's ok to be sad.
But if you look at the facts, the reason it happened, the way your wife told you, and that it obviously means nothing to her other than some embarrassment then you'd not be sad anymore.

Keep things in perspective, don't spiral. You asked if you were overthinking it, yes you are.

In France people kiss all the time (you could enter a room of 20 people and often have to go around and kiss everybody on greeting and exit - ends up a bit ridiculous), it's usually between 2 to 4 kisses alternating cheeks, and sometimes it's lips in the air to the side of the cheek, and sometimes there's a bit of contact... Guys will sometimes kiss guys like this too, it's pretty common.
Maybe as it's not traditional for the British to do this, they got the wrong end of the stick and felt the cultural pressure to go ahead. I wouldn't read too much into it.

Are they really that stupid? If a french person was telling them to kiss, of course they would have meant on the cheek. No kidding everyone was laughing.

Whether your wife is really stupid when it comes to customs or pretended to be, that's the question!

They were asked to give a proper kiss supposedly, the longer and deeper it was, the better the luck for the vintage. They ended up kissing deeply for 3 or 4 seconds, so it definitely wasn't a quick cheek or lip peck. That’s why I feel like a line was crossed

This situation on its own sounds like an uncomfortable place to be for your wife, a works do, a crowd expecting something from her, now your really annoyed at her for going along with a tradition she knows nothing about. She's told you how it came about, do you think it sounds like a sexy situation? Do you think it's ignited something between them? Do you worry about your wife being pressured into situations she's not comfortable with?

And that is not unreasonable, it raises doubts and concerns. The thing is, don't let this become too all consuming and change the nature of your relationship, unless you feel you have reason to doubt her besides this?

Ask yourself honestly is there something else that is bugging you and this has supercharged it? If not, its OK to be sad but ground that sadness in reality. She is human, she was put on the spot, it wasn't an illicit snog. No-one wants to be the boring office person that looks like they have no sense of fun. Yeah, maybe she made the wrong decision but she told you about it.

Its clearly taking its toll on you and you need to sit her down and say it makes you sad and as a couple maybe intentionally make romantic plans to reconnect back into that safe spot.

The way you are feeling isn't wrong, it shows you lack the confidence in your relationship and you need to re-find it.

So you don't know is your answer. Someone can hold lips to another person without mouths open for 3-4 seconds.
She was under pressure. She was in front of her peers, probably everyone laughing and whatnot.
She didn't do it because she wanted to, she didn't do it because she fancies her boss, she told you everything (lovely to have honesty in a marriage) and you still are spiralling.

I am beginning to feel sorry for her tbh. She isn't being believed despite telling you the truth?

Kissing deeply? So a snog?
or pressing their lips together for 3-4 seconds?