AIBU to worry my son is too young to marry?

[Eralione]

Afternoon,
DH and I have one DS he is 23 (24 in October), a teacher. He has been with his girlfriend since they were 14/15, they broke up briefly around 18/19 for about 4 months and have been together since.

He has just decided to propose and they have told us they plan to get married next summer, she will be 23 and him 24.

We recently used a deed of variation to pass on a large amount of inheritance which they have used to boy a property outright, I believe this is just in DSs name but I’ll be honest I don’t know as the money had nothing to do with us since we used a deed of variation.

Im worried they are far too young to being getting married and it may all end in flames. I don’t understand the hurry. I’m also worried this will compromise our son’s financial position.

AIBU?

@BatchCookBabe what a cynical view. I married at 23 and a lot of my friends did too, sure some divorced but a lot v v happy, still together and living their best lives early retired etc. I definitely wasn’t marrying for security, I was the main earner and was 5 year into a career that lasted 40 years. I married for love and hes still my best friend. If it’s the right person then age doesn’t matter. I see more 30s women in particular settling for a lot less than perfect because they think their body clock is ticking. Divorce nailed on at some point even tho they waited ‘till they knew their mind” “travelled” “lived a bit”

Too young?! I thought you were going to say they were 16 or something! Jesus woman, he’s 23 will be 24! I was married with a baby by that age. Still happily married now 20 years later. You need to calm!

24 is an adult. By the sounds of it he has navigated uni and manages a professional job so why wouldn't he be able to make an informed choice about whether to get married or not.
My husband and I first got together when I was 19, got engaged when I was 22 and married at 24. We had our dd when I was 25 and ds when I was 27. I am now 46 and we are still very happily married and looking forward to more couple time with both children at uni. It doesn't sound like this is a rash decision and surely over the years have already proved they are committed to each other even before the money was involved.

Please just respect his decision and support them both now and in the future in whatever way you possibly can. I hope they have a wonderful life together.

We were both 22 when we married, my brother was 20, his wife 19.

We are all still together 50+ years later.

24 is younger than average nowadays, but that's partly because nowadays a lot of people sadly can't afford to get married and set up home together when they're young. Your son is lucky to have had his inheritance and be able to buy a home.

He’s a great age to get married. And biologically, start a family! It’s wonderful news, why not celebrate? If you’re not supportive, you just won’t be involved. A son is a son until he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life. It’s especially true with an attitude like this!

Know someone who met a boy at 15, married at 17. Fifty years later, they’re still happily together. There’s no guarantee of a successful match at any age.

I do know quite a few couples who met when they were very young and are still together.

I have 4 neices and 3 of them have been with their now husbands since they were young. One met when they were both 15 and are now 40 and have been married 15 years. One met when they were 18 and they are now 36 and have been married 12 years and the other met when they were 18 and are now 32. They are not married but are living together.

Yanbu to think that.
Yabu to assume it’s your business

Bloody hell my parents were married with 3 children by the time they were in their mid 20s. They're both nearly 80 now and still happily married. It's a bit patronising to think at the age of 24 (pretty much) in a solid profession and a long term partner he doesn't know his own mind

Perfectly standard age to get married.

And there'll be a perfectly standard age to get divorced

Can't they see the world together? Marriage doesn't mean you become chained to the village you are in.

I married at 22. My husband was born and bred in the town we got our first home in. We travelled extensively together, and have moved a few times.
I don't know why people think marriage turns people into trees. It's less likely these days because marriage doesn't equate to children so much as it once did.
I think I have done far more than I would have if I hadn't married, to be honest. I wouldn't have travelled nearly as much, I know that.

They've been together for years. They're not 20 years old. If my children chose to get married at that age I wouldn't mind.
Are you more bothered about the inheritance than the marriage? You could speak to your son but ultimately the decision is his rather than yours.
They could get married at age 30 and get divorced down the line and still be in the same position .

I would think it a little young and I'd have concerns about the possibility of him losing half the value of the house in a few years time. But you have no say, so your best bet is to be as supportive and welcoming a mother/MiL as you can to ensure the marriage is as strong as possible.

My husband and I grew and changed together. Yes, we are different in our 50s to who we were in our early twenties, but we simply remained on the same page as we grew. We didn't grow out of eachother, we grew into eachother.

We spent months travelling across Africa together, because being married didn't somehow weirdly glue us to our front door.

I honestly don't understand this view of marriage as being some static thing that freezes you to the spot.

I had just turned 22 when I got married. DH was nearly 30. Been married over 16 years, 2 young daughters, perfectly happy, and because we waited to have children, we had some lovely travels and adventures

Two separate things:

• he was old enough to marry at 18.
• it's his money now. They could be the till death do us part type of couple. But the discussion about money is one they need to have, without anyone else impinging. The discussion should have been had between you (parents) and him at the time of the deed of variation with a focus on safeguarding financially across his lifetime and with any milestones. If it's brought up now, depending on your relationship with him, it could be misconstrued as a personal attack on his fiancé.

You don't like/trust her do you? Unless there's some back story that's really sad. He's your son, be happy for them.

I think that, while you are just concerned with your son, you should let him make his own decisions. He is an adult, and if he makes a mistake, that is a learning experience for him. You should take a step back and let him live. I don't think you're being unreasonable, just a bit overprotective. Best of luck to you and your son!

We married at the same age very much against his mother's wishes. She predicted doom and gloom and divorce. We're still together almost 24 years later. We are no contact with his family though as they never accepted or respected me or us as a family unit.

He’s an adult, he’s been with his fiancé for 10 years. He has a house. Of course he isn’t being irresponsible and isn’t too young! If you didn’t want him to grow up and be responsible you shouldn’t have given him the money for a house…

I wasn’t much older (26) when I got married.

Although it's fairly unusual these days to get married in mid 20s, it used to be the norm. My mum got married at 19, my dad was 26, they were studying at the same university. This couple have been together a long time so I absolutely don't think they are too young to get married.
If you get married, I believe you should share everything including a house and all salaries/income. This is my personal opinion and I know that not everyone will agree with me on this. Even if the house is in his name, I think it should belong to both of them. Marriage is a partnership.

Maybe I am ancient being in mid-late 40s but we were 26 when we got married. All our university friends were married by age 30, bar two who have remained unmarried.
None of us did it for financial security - we were all working professionals. None of us are divorced.