AIBU to worry my son is too young to marry?

[Eralione]

Afternoon,
DH and I have one DS he is 23 (24 in October), a teacher. He has been with his girlfriend since they were 14/15, they broke up briefly around 18/19 for about 4 months and have been together since.

He has just decided to propose and they have told us they plan to get married next summer, she will be 23 and him 24.

We recently used a deed of variation to pass on a large amount of inheritance which they have used to boy a property outright, I believe this is just in DSs name but I’ll be honest I don’t know as the money had nothing to do with us since we used a deed of variation.

Im worried they are far too young to being getting married and it may all end in flames. I don’t understand the hurry. I’m also worried this will compromise our son’s financial position.

AIBU?

So many 'we got married at 19, 22, 23, and are still married 35, 40, 45+ years later' type posts, but all they're doing is proving nothing.

We all know people got married much younger pre late-1980s, quite often because many women didn't have many other opportunities, and getting married was seen as an achievement ... Even men didn't have as many opportunities then. And many people who got married pre late-1980s stayed in the marriage for many years, even if they were not happy, as it was easier than leaving. Or they were afraid to be alone, (or both!) Not everyone has been blissfully happy for 35, 40, 45+ years, even if people claim they have been!

There is no need to get married at 23 in 2026. It is very young. It wasn't 30-35+ years ago, so as I said, all the comments about how you got married at 19 to 23 years old, and have been married 35, 40+ years are moot.

No-one is convincing me that 23 is too not young to get married in 2026. It is. 100%. And everyone on this thread knows it. They're just being contrary...
As I said, if the OP had said she WANTS her son to get married - at 23 - there would have been a ton of posts saying 'don't be ridiculous OP, he is too young!'

What's more, statistical data shows that couples who marry under the age of 25 face a higher risk of divorce compared to those who marry in their late twenties/early 30s.

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My eldest son isn’t far off that age, personally I think it’s on the young side, but he has a friend with a toddler and another one engaged and most of the rest are living with partners now, so he is behind wit the times. He has been with his GF for 3.5 years and hoping to move in together in the next year.

I had a baby by DS’s age (him!) and my parents married in their early 20’s and still married now 47 years later.

well we will have to agree to disagree.

oh good grief. So now us happily married types are making things up? To what end?

Haven't read everything but would it not have been better to let them save for a house instead of making it so easy for them. Then when they had got the deposit which l presume would slow things down a bit go for that deed . A little hardship is no harm to test a couple and train them for later struggles which may arise.
But as for the marriage they are not exactly being impulsive and l sometimes think it's older couples who make rash decisions as they feel time running out.

In your position I'd be worried if you've given them such a large sum. If they divorce she could well be entitled to half the value of the house. Ask for your money back and let them get a mortgage.

Okay 🤷‍♀️

I’m in Ireland and it would be unheard of to marry at that age unless you were a member of the travelling community. I wouldn’t be happy at all if I were you.

Its the age we were married at. Golden wedding next year. They have been together for a few years, so without knowing them, I woukd support it.

If he’s old enough to teach other people’s children, he’s old enough to make decisions about his own life. YABU.

Absolutely do not do this, unless you want to be the controlling mother in law from hell.

Not everybody wants to wait to get married until the bride starts perimenopause. 😂

us too. We are very happy and have had lots of financial ups and downs but have faced them together.

Amd absolutely do not do this either, unless you again want to be the controlling mother in law from hell.

My cousin married when she was 19. Still married at 71 and happy as ever,
Close friend married at 20, celebrating Ruby wedding next year, also still happy.

I don’t think it’s too young to get married but I would suggest he looks at his options legally if he owns a property outright in his own name pre-marriage. I’m sure something could be put in place to protect that

As I said, if the OP had said she WANTS her son to get married - at 23 - there would have been a ton of posts saying 'don't be ridiculous OP, he is too young!'

That’s because it doesn’t matter what she WANTS.
He is an adult in a long term relationship and is financially stable.
If they want to get married then that is entirely reasonable at their age.
If they don’t want to get married then that is entirely reasonable at any age.
At the current age, they have time on their hands to wait of if that is what they want.

Also teachers, my boyfriend proposed when he was 23 (im older...by 3yrs).weve been very happily married for 28yrs .
I dont think its as common as back then, lots of younger people just live together now before/if they decide to get married.
Not much uou can do anyway, but they seem settled and in a good relationship. Good luck to them.

I'm in Ireland so my views may be completely different to the UK but it does seem to me too young to marry, in olden days it was pretty common to marry young.

I have kids in early 20s and tbh I'm really enjoying seeing them really living their lives, nights out, weekends away, holidays lots of friends lots of fun and no ties. It isn't really common here anymore marrying young, mainly 30 + now which does make a difference as I think people's minds really settle then.

I was engaged at 18 after being with a boyfriend from 15 and I thank Jesus I finished with him in my mid 20s I thought I knew it all but I didn't and I absolutely wasted so many years with him, didn't get to have proper fun late teens early 20s as he was always there beside me, I cringe thinking what would my life have been like after spending 60 years with him and experiencing nothing else.

I was 24 when I married.
Over a decade later we are still married.

He's not that young.

Did you post about this a few months ago @Eralione? It seems very familiar. I responded on that thread. Anyway, no, they’re not too young to get married. I was 20 and DH was 22 when we got married. We’re now 47 and 48 and still together.

Just how many young people travel like this or work abroad? Just about none that I know.

All the young people I know (neighbour's children, friends' grandchildren etc) either leave school go to uni and then start work or miss out the uni and just start work after leaving school. I know plenty of youngsters between 20 and 35 and can only think of one that has travelled a lot

Again, proving nothing. She got married over 50 years ago. People DID get married younger then. It was the done thing, especially amongst the working classes, as many women had little alternative, apart from living with their parents til they (the parents) were dead. Then they would have to try and support themselves alone, usually on minimum pay with little or no qualifications.

Many women got married (young) back in the day for the security, and some stayed for the security, and because it was easier than leaving. Don't anyone even try to pretend that isn't true.

I am sure there are a few couples aged 55 plus, who have been married since they were 17, who are blissfully happy, and haven't had a cross word with their husband in 35, 40, 45+ years, and never ever argue, and are happy as pigs in shite, and always have been, and have the most utterly perfect husband, but you are definitely in the minority. If, indeed, you do actually exist.

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And no, I'm not projecting, I see shit, I know shit, I know people.

The “seeing that world” aspect was only part of my response. Though I do know a lot of people who had experiences such as those, me included.
The other part of my response was about social and relationship experiences and how you change a lot from your early 20s to your early 30s. Did most of the people you know settle down with the person they met as a teen / student?