How would you interpret this?

[pinkharibo]

First time poster so please be kind. It’s going to be a long one I’m sorry but want to get it all in.

A little over 2 years ago I started seeing a man. Me-F 35 Him-33. We both were honest and said we just wanted a bit of fun, very casual. Sex once or twice a week, no staying over, no emotions. This worked great for about a year.
I then decided I actually wanted more and would like a relationship (Not with this man). I did have some feelings for him but nothing too intense and I never told him. He was a great guy, got on well, no issues. I just thought we both were on different paths and was fine with it.

I was very honest and told him I was going to stop what we had going as I now feel ready for a relationship. He accepted that, no hard feelings and we left it at that.

Within a couple of weeks I was receiving messages from him telling me all he wanted was me, he didn’t want it to end, he never wants it to end and he had feelings for me. I once again told him I’m not looking for what we had but a relationship.

He didn’t stop for a while and asked to see me which I agreed to. We spoke and he again told me all he wants is me, doesn’t want this to end and that he loves me (I didn’t expect that). Don’t get me wrong I wasn’t in love with him then but I did have feelings for him.

I decided to start over with him, I did really like him and thought maybe he was the one all along. This time it wasn’t just sex. It was everything. I fell in love with him.

This goes on for another 10 months and now he tells me this was never going anywhere, we both knew it was just fun like we said in the beginning and I’m crazy because we never actually said we were in a relationship. Also said he isn’t in love with me and doesn’t know why he said that.

Am I wrong in thinking he manipulated (maybe the wrong word) into making me believe we were in a relationship. He’s saying I’ve made it all up but he was the one pursuing me and wanting me when I made clear I wanted a relationship. I never once asked or made any suggestion for it to be him. I feel like I’m going insane. I can’t sleep and just need to know if I am in actual fact the “crazy” one. Im really hurt and feel so stupid.

Just would like to add he’s definitely not in a relationship with anyone else. Has his own house, good job, never asked me for money or anything like that. After reading it back it sounded like he was using me for a place to stay or money but that was definitely not the case.

Male view here

hes been really poor. Whether he’s intentionally manipulated you is hard to say. But you’re better off out of it, it seems

Men will do anything for a quick and easy shag

Then the amount of mental gymnastics they do to justify themselves is unreal

He needs blocking cos he will be back for another easy shag in a few months

It's not your fault

He only wanted you when you weren’t overly interested. Classic man.

YANBU - you’ve been played I’m sorry. Or maybe he did feel like he loved you then got bored/commitment phobia/ changed his mind or whatever. Either way he’s not worth spending any more energy on - he could well mess you about over and over now he knows what buttons to press, so make sure you cut it off now and don’t waste any more time on him.
You were right the first time to be honest and end it saying you were looking for a relationship- find someone else to be straight and honest with you from the outset as this one is not a keeper

It reads like when you ended things he didn’t want to split up, either because he didn’t want to lose you or he didn’t want to lose the situation as it suited him. Now 10 months on he’s ready to end things so he’s decided to say it was only casual to take away any guilt.
After you both agreed to commit to the relationship did anything actually change? Were you making plans for the future?
id try to stop analysing it and assume the relationship has run its course and move on.

He was manipulating you because he missed the sex. This is as clear cut as you can get, if you ask me. Now he’s trying to gaslight you. Get out and never go back.

He got used to regular, no strings sex and panicked when he thought that was in jeopardy.

And there’s definitely something in the male psyche that responds to ‘the chase’ and wanting what they can’t have. He may have genuinely persuaded himself in the moment that he couldn’t live without you, but once he reeled you back in, that itch was scratched and he’s lost interest again.

What an absolute dick for messing with your head like that. Don’t get stuck in a loop of trying to question and reason with him - he’s already lashing out and saying unnecessarily cruel things because he feels backed into a corner by his own shitty behaviour, so pursuing explanations will only give him the scope to hurt you even more than he already has.

Blocking everywhere and going totally no contact is the quickest way to cauterise this. Walk away, OP, and try to emotionally reset to where you were 10 months ago. It’ll take a while but you’ll get there. At least you’ve not wasted years of your life on this loser.

This. Men have a sixth sense for this kind of thing. It’s like when you start seeing someone, you’re happy, and then every guy you’ve ever dated comes out of the woodwork!
He missed the sex, the uncomplicated company, the ego boost. He’s essentially a lazy and manipulative gaslighter, and it comes as no surprise that he’s single!

I dont think you were manipulated. Sadly, things may have just run their course for him. I wouldn't over analyse it.

He's a POS who will say anything without too much thought to get what they want. He's used you, he played the game and said what he needed to and now he's over it. He's disgusting and not worth your time. You need to block him, do your crying and move on. He can't offer you what you want and need. He's selfish, uncaring and a liar.

Don't doubt yourself, you've been transparent and straight forward. He's a dick head. You deserve better.

You're not going crazy. As others have said, he wanted the no strings sex to carry on, so he told you what you needed to hear. He's a space wasting wanker. Don't lose anymore sleep over him, but know it's hard. You must be kicking yourself for not sticking to your guns but you're only young. Pity the next woman he does this to.

It really doesn't matter. Maybe you had a different understanding of the status of the relationship or maybe he just decided that you are not the one for him.

Either way, relationship do end. It could have been you telling him after 10 months that you really didn't want a serious relationship with him after all.

There's almost always one broken hearted when a relationship ends.

Thank you all so much for your replies. I’m absolutely heartbroken but definitely done with him. Feel like such an idiot for falling for everything he said. Will be rough for now but I’ll eventually be okay