AIBU to refuse my 17-year-old caring for a 14-year-old all week

[Jollytealswan]

My 17yo has a 14yo niece. He has been asked for look after her for a week whilst her family goes on holiday. She is no relation to me.
My 17yo is a good trustworthy guy, but i have yet to leave him alone in the house overnight. I think he would be absolutely fine, but the situation has never arisen.
I am however dead against him being responsible for a 14yo for a whole week. Maybe overnight with me on call. But not a whole week.
My mind is racing through worst case scenarios...missing 14yos, medical emergencies. household disasters, arguments etc.
I get that I would end up responsible for the 14yo as well.
I acknowledge that the law is unclear on this and relies on risk assessment and common sense. I wouldn't leave my 17yo alone for a week.
What does everyone else think?

I’m amazed you have a 17-year-old who has never been alone overnight.

@AbsintheMakesTheHeartGrowFonder you are not the only PP to make a comment about this but I honestly don't get why people are commenting on this like it is an unusual thing. I am sure this is quite normal.

As far as I can remember I don't think DD had been home alone for a night at that age. Not because she was in any way immature or irresponsible, she wasn't, she is and always was a very capable person, but quite simply the situation had never arisen. She still came with us on family holidays at that age because, believe it or not, we quite enjoyed each others company and liked a lot of the same things. At 18 she went off to University and managed perfectly well and grew up to be a fully independent adult.

Thinking back I am pretty sure I had never spent a night alone at 17 either but that's close to 50 years ago so harder to remember.

BTW I think YANBU OP. I really don't think it would be appropriate for a 17 year old to be left responsible for a 14 year old unless they are siblings. Especially when they are of the opposite sex.

Absolutely no way! Even at 17 he is still legally a child and the girl's parents are being negligent proposing this. Adolescents don't have the emotional maturity to care for a child for an extended period without supervision and there is the additional minefield that they are opposite sexes. So much could go wrong and the girl's parents should know better.

I would leave a 17 year old alone for a week, I wouldn't expect them to be in charge of a 14 year old for that length of time though

OP has said he will be going to uni at 18 and he stays away at friends’ houses.

I think leaving a teenager overnight just doesn’t come up for a lot of people. There are lots of people who aren’t having weekends away, and if they do have a family holiday the 17 year old will go too.

That they have parents that never go anywhere apparently

I think it’s odd that someone would ask their 17 year old half-sibling to look after their 14 year old daughter. Really odd. I don’t think it’s appropriate at all.

If they were siblings who get on well together, then for a weekend maybe.

I probably should have specified I think it’s odd to ask your 17 year old male half-sibling to look after your 14 year old daughter

This is not about being left alone - I won't do it because we have issues with home invasions. A 17 year old also has no authority where a 14 year old is concerned. She will just do what she wants.

My immediate 'hell no' is that it leaves your DS vulnerable to accusations. It does happen.

It was a joke because people seemed to think it was odd I haven't left him alone in the house....the weird thing is I now remember leaving him overnight so i could stay with my Mum.

Why not? Everyone is different, with differing strengths and weaknesses.

I was living independently at 17, had a bedsit and was at college and work

The situation surely is that 2 teens, who hopefully are both responsible, are just keeping each other company for the week. Whose idea was it, who has asked him to do this?

Isn't it up to him to say yes or no?

I left my 17 year old in charge of the house, the cats and my car keys while I went off to the Carribean for 2 weeks, he couldn't come due to his job.

I wouldn't however have wanted him babysitting a 14 year old in someone else's house. That's opening him up to being accused of unsavoury things....

How would he cope if the 14yo brought her BF home to stay or decided to have a big party? It would be a hell of a mess and you'll be picking up the pieces.

I would have trusted my 17yo 100% but not a teenager girl I didn't know really well.

Are they offering to pay or is this all supposed to be for free?

if you think he’s responsible enough (and you’re okay with being the emergency support), I’d ask him if he wants to do it, providing the were offering a reasonable amount. (Or if they had been particularly generous to him in the past). I wouldn’t facilitate them taking advantage of him, but it seems like an opportunity to earn some money and gain confidence and independence which sounds pretty good to me.

Speaking as someone who remembers being 14, I would say I would rather be in charge of a whole house full of 4 year olds after a Haribo buffet than one 14 year old girl. They are chomping at the bit to be adults and have no common sense to rely on. I know full well that if I, at 14, was left in the care of a male cousin (however reliable) only 3 years old me I would have been beyond delighted with everything I thought I could get away with. He will be responsible for anything and everything that happens whilst she is in his care. House full of drunk teens trashing everything? All blame on him. Going out and not coming home (or worse)? All blame on him. Drink/drugs/sex? All blame on him. They need an adult person watching their teenage daughter.

Absolutely not. It is putting your 17 year old in a difficult position if the 14 year old throws a party, doesn’t come home etc. to say nothing of the safeguarding concerns.

Just no.

Whoever it is that has asked can jog on and put appropriate arrangements in place.

How much is your DS going to be paid for 7 days of 24hr a day childcare?

£100 a day? £200? Or are they expected to do it for free?

Do they even know each other especially well? IMO it’s just not appropriate for a number of reasons already mentioned and I’m generally very lax. Dd13 has been alone tonight as I’ve been at work

This. He should not be left alone for long periods with a teenage girl, if anything at all goes wrong, he'll be under the microscope. And he cannot control her, she's 14, what if she drinks or goes out partying, or any other normal teenage rebellion behaviour he won't know what to do.

And just generally it's too much to ask of any 17 year old anyway.

Well put.

My mother left home to work in a different city at 14, didn't need to be looked after by anyone.

My 17 year old hasn’t been alone overnight either. I don’t think that’s as unusual as people are saying. It’s just not come up because there’s always someone around.

What is the 14 year old like? If it’s a case of wanting someone in the house with them overnight, or a bit of help cooking, I’d consider it. It might be good for both,

If the 14 year old is likely to bristle against a minder, and needs proper supervision in regards to drink, drugs and house parties, that’s a firm no.

But for me, it would just depend.

She is his NIECE!!! WTF is wrong with people!

You surely can't be this naive.

Absolutely!

And speaking as someone who was the older teen in your ds’ position (I was 19, she was 13) it was a complete nightmare for me.