AIBU to refuse my 17-year-old caring for a 14-year-old all week

[Jollytealswan]

My 17yo has a 14yo niece. He has been asked for look after her for a week whilst her family goes on holiday. She is no relation to me.
My 17yo is a good trustworthy guy, but i have yet to leave him alone in the house overnight. I think he would be absolutely fine, but the situation has never arisen.
I am however dead against him being responsible for a 14yo for a whole week. Maybe overnight with me on call. But not a whole week.
My mind is racing through worst case scenarios...missing 14yos, medical emergencies. household disasters, arguments etc.
I get that I would end up responsible for the 14yo as well.
I acknowledge that the law is unclear on this and relies on risk assessment and common sense. I wouldn't leave my 17yo alone for a week.
What does everyone else think?

I agree this is a lot to ask.
Whether it's ok does depend on what the usual behaviour of the two teenagers is normally, and how near by/accessible a trusted adult is. (Sounds like the adult is you).

Also, OP, it's not weird to have never left your 17yo at home. I was a pretty independent teenager and went to lots of places without my parents. I don't remember them ever going anywhere without me though!

He would probably love for me to go away for a week....but then no Mum taxi etc. I am not sure where I am supposed to go just so he can prove himself. It's not really about him being left by himself its about being responsible for another young person. On his own absolutely fine.
I feel I now have to go away for a week by myself to prove he's not mollycoddled! I just don't go anywhere

Does he want to do it?

are they close? Is the 14 year old the type to get into trouble, be out drinking/not come home etc?

like a previous poster I would rather him babysit a 4 year old than a 14 year old but I guess it depends on the 14 year old.

Absolutely not. No way would I be going along with this. This is a completely inappropriate situation to put either the 17 year old or the 14 year old in, and the person who thought, even for a moment, that this is a good idea, has cloth between the ears.

I’m 62 and don’t think I was ever in the house alone overnight before 18 (and only then because my Father had died a year earlier and my Mum was in hospital for a few nights having an Op). It wasn’t because it wasn’t considered safe or I was too young etc, just that the situation just never presented itself for me to be home alone - per se.

I’m amazed you have a 17-year-old who has never been alone overnight.

I don’t think he should be left in charge of a 14-year-old. Not because I think a 17-year-old can’t cope alone for a week or can’t be responsible, but simply because they’re way too close in age. If the 14-year-old decides to go out with her mates or have a party or decides she isn’t going to school, there is realistically nothing your son can do about that. If she was 10, it might be different, but 17 and 14 isn’t one looking after the other. It’s just two teenagers hanging out for a week. They’re peers.

Neither has mine there has never been a need for it

My thoughts entirely.

It would be very dangerous for both of them, for obvious reasons.

Bad idea all round.

Does he want to do it? If he doesnt you can put your foot down and "forbid" him. Done it a couple of times with my lot when they were being pressured to do things that they didnt want to do, "I cant, mum wont let me". So you are the bad guy and not him.

If he doesnt think its a problem then maybe point out the obvious flaws in the problem.

Worst case scenario, offer to have her at yours.

if he is looking after her for a week he won’t be able to go out or let her wander about at night, 14 year old can be headstrong and why would she listen to him ? . Maybe this is why her parents are leaving her behind?

Me either but ive just asked my 17 year old he said none of his friends are left alone overnight either 😂 not sure what that says about his friends though 🤔 😂 he (ds) does look after his 13 year old brother but I dont leave them long just while I go shopping because they will argue

It would be a no from me. The 14 year old could run rings round him. If it was a 10 year old that would be fine.

I left home at 15, just short of 16. The next year we had to look after the house when mum and dad did their 25th anniversary drive across Canada. I was 100 miles away in halls so home was perfect shagging opportunity. 10/10 would recommend as a student, 0/10 as parent to now just turning 18 and 16

Mine hasn’t either. Really surprised people are so surprised by this.

I immediately thought of the recent thread about house party that got out of hand. Is a 14 year old really going to listen to a 17 year old if they want friends round? Even on a smaller scale, that isn't a responsibility he should have to take on. And even if she really isn't that type, being that close in age I think there's a high chance of them clashing over something.
What does he think? Make sure he knows he can "blame" you!

So his brother or sister have a kid but they’re not related to you? Sorry I’m confused. Are they a much older half sibling or something?

Id say unless you know them extremely well Id say no. Can’t she stay with you?

I don't get the fuss over people not leaving their 17 year olds overnight - are people deliberately staying away somewhere just so their older teens can have the place to themselves? That doesn't make them mollycoddled.

I'm sure the 17 year old would be fine. It's the 14 year old I wouldn't trust.

I didn't spend a night on my own until I went to university. Completely normal.

People being idiots about the fact he’s not been home alone. Way to go to make her feel bad. Everyone is different

I wasn’t left alone over night until I was in uni. Not that unusual

Ha, nearly word for word what @plasticplate said!

Agree it's not weird. I don't go anywhere overnight. The very few times I have my DH is here.
I'd make an excuse OP and leave it, or offer to have her at yours if you think that will work. Can't understand how you are not related but I'm always getting things like second cousins misunderstood.

I think my mum went away for a weekend with her work friends when I was about 17, but actually my Dad would have been at home still.. so I don’t think I was left on my own at all as a teenager, as apart from that none of us ever went on holiday in the UK or abroad as couldn’t afford to.

Anyway, I think that a 17 year old boy ‘looking after’ a 14 year old girl is a bad idea in general. So much can go wrong!!

I wouldn't do it. It's a lot of responsibility for your 17 year old. Also I don't get the surprise with not having left a 17 year old at home overnight. Mine had not been left overnight until we left them for a weekend to go to a wedding (aged 20, 18 and 13 at the time). When we go away on holidays they come with us, so there hadn't been any reason to leave them alone rather than it being a choice not to leave them alone.

I am just imagining what scenarios would possibly make it ok for the 14 year olds parent to ask this.

Going for life saving surgery and has no other trustworthy people to watch her? Perhaps understandable
Wanting a break? Nope

Either way, it’s not fair on your son to have this responsibility