to think what's the point of being married??

[scottishmum007]

I'm married myself but really living in sin would have been a lot cheaper (no wedding fees to pay for). The only people that profit from a couple saying I Do are the Government really.Anyone else thought of this before?
Besides the obvious reasons for getting married ('we love each other') is there really any incentives to tying the knot?? financially the government are raking it in, with all us saps paying the fees to marry. What don't we get an allowance for being married couples anymore?? we used to...

Not for money, no.

But dh and I chose marriage because it was the only way we could live together- neither of us would have got residency in the other's country if we hadn't gone through the ceremony. But it felt good with a public commitment too; after all, you are hardly going to leave your own (prosperous) country and move away from all your friends and family unless you are fairly committed anyway. We had waited for 10 years when we finally got the chance. The wedding felt good as a farewell party and rite of passage.

We are 4 siblings, I and my 3 brothers. The two of us who chose marriage are the ones who had to do so for immigration reasons. Our relationships are probably the most stable out of the four. But then they would have to be stable, because they've been put to the test.

Your mixing up what I mean, sorry it's not come across clear enough. If you rule out emotion, is there are logical reason for marriage?

my dh is asking his workmates at work just now his opinion and they both agree that cohabiting gives you the same legal rights as a married couple.
It's impossible to get a balanced view on this topic because most women are obviously going to want to get married for different reasons that men choose to get married for. Men think completely differently.

cohabiting does NOT give you the same legal rights as marriage, that is the whole point i thought?

the next of kin business was big deal for me, mostly about consent should anything ever happen to me, can't think of anyone who knows me better

I'm an atheist, but I believe that traditions like marriage/ celebrating a couple's union in whatever way hold communities and society together. I wanted to celebrate with friends and family the commitment I'd made to this man to stay together and have children.

I gave no thought to legal things, but I do have friends who married after watching a tv programme which said the dad would have no rights to the children or something!

lulumama that's what I thought!!

although these days it's getting to the point where as someone else rightly pointed out, more people are cohabiting than ever before, so it's inevitable that there's going tobe a law to protect their assets and other features of their relationship just like a married couple.
dh and his workmate somehow think that cohabiting and married couples both have equal rights. not sure where they are getting this from. will ask him later tonight!!

i don't believe there is any such thing as a common law spouse. although living together for a long, long time, and contributing to the household might confer some benefits in the event of a split or death BUT with marriage those rights are already conferred on the spouse by marriage.

i thikn it is a common misconception.

and just for the record i'm not trying to cause and argument, i'm being devil's advocate and wanting people's opinions on this topic. It's been something I've wondered for a while now.
I have no regrets getting married but just want to know how others view it since they have been married. Don't want to offend anyone. Honest!

There is no such thing as a common law spouse and there is no such thing as tax relief for married couples anymore - that went out a long time ago.

yes expat, it's ashame the allowance went out of the window. could really do with it right now!

Agree with Olihan, she has said just about everything I wanted to say.
I got married for £30 (twenty years ago). Registry office, two witnesses, then out for a drink .It was the marriage that was important to me, not a big fancy wedding.

I don't agree with only mothers can sign or that children pass to maternal grandparents. The change of law a few years ago protects Parental Responsibility (PR) for unmarried fathers, they now have the same responsibilities as the mother. So that argument doesn't really stand anymore.

TM, Parental Responsbility only applies for children born after 2003 if the father has jointly registered the child with the mother.

For children born before 2003, which is children in Reception and above, so not very old, there has to be either a parental responsibilty agreement with the mother, or a parental responsibilty agreement made by a court.

I bet there are many MNetters whose DPs do not have parental responsibilty for their dcs.

We're talking in the present though. If someone is thinking of getting married now before having children the change of law applies to them.

There's nothing in this thread to suggest we're only talking about getting married before you have children though, is there?

Yes, some people do, many people do not and have not. Lots of MNetters cohabit and have children but the father won't have parental responsibilty because the children are too old. So that is a valid reason why they perhaps ought to consider getting married.

I think there is a logical and rational reason for getting married which has nothing to do with money.

I always thought I was dead against marriage, but with hindsight I realise what I was against was this ridiculous notion that you 'had' to spend £20K minimum on doing it right and it 'had' to be the best day of your life... I'd been to so many weddings where the bride looked so miserable because she was so stressed out and things just weren't going to plan and her perfect day was 'ruined' because she didn't like her mil's hat or whatever...

But then I thought, hang on a bit, WHY is this man I'm with reluctant to make a public declaration that he loves me and wants to stay with me? Frankly I think it is rather rude not to want to marry the mother of your child. He said the fact we had a child was commitment enough but it was his mother who asked if our daughter was 'planned'.

It made me very sad that he didn't think enough of me to marry me. Fair enough, it might not have been important to him but it was important to me and that should have meant something.

its the fact that you are prepared to make a public declaration which makes marriage important. And I think it is perfectly rational to be concerned about that.

You said it as fact as though it applied to every child and it doesn't, anyone today getting married to protect the fathers responsibilities aren't protecting their responsibilities because they already are protected! Also marrying doesn't automatically infer PR onto the father, they have to do that separately.

Also a man doesn't have to be on a birth certificate in fact another man can be to have PR.

It's far more complicated than your previous posts have suggested.

These solicitorssay that parental responsibilty can be gained by marrying the mother of your child, and somewhere else I have read that having parental responsibilty as an unmarried father gives virtually the same rights as married fathers. I don't know what rights are different if you are not married but simply having PR is not the same as being married parents.

I know the person named on the birth cert doesn't have to be the same man who has the PR, because virtually anyone can gain PR by a court order if they are seen to have a significant caruing role in the child's life.

But if the father of the children wants to protect his interests then he would be better off marrying the children's mother than just applying for PR.

'Parental responsibility' as a legal concept is a bit of a red herring really. If you are the biological father of a child and want to have a relationship with that child, in the vast majority of cases Article 8 of the European Convention (right to respect for family life) will ensure you have it.

It causes so much trouble, isn't properly defined in law and frankly should just be done away with.

I don't think it is right to say that 'virtually anyone' can get parental responsibility. You can get PR via a residence order but that is different. A freestanding pr order applies only to fathers and step-parents. Mothers have it automatically.

Check out CAB website please if you are unsure of the facts, I had a nosey earlier when I had a chance, but only briefly. I can't quote anything atm (DS being a menace).
As a few others have said, it is all very complicated, more so if you cohabit in regards to PR.

I agree with your point as well Spero, about making a declaration. But you will probably find (not you personally, I mean in general) that most men don't really get married for exactly the same reasons that women want to get married for. They do it just to appease. My DH is quite honest about that. He didn't need a bit of paper to declare to the world he loved me, but he did for me anyway as he knew it was what I wanted in our relationship.