To block my 14yo ds from getting a PS5

[BestIneverhad2026]

Hi all

My son recently turned 14 and is in year 10. For his birthday his dad offered to buy him a ps5. I am not with the dad for context so it would be in my home and have to be managed by me.

I have had issues with screen time with my older son and excessive gaming. He is doing extremely well in school but I worry that the ps5 will be a big distraction and another tension point managing it. He also spends alot of money on gaming. He gets pocket money but always relies on me to buy him what he needs and keeps his money for games and gaming products.

I suggested to his dad that he should buy him a new bike instead. His current bike is very unreliable and he uses it daily to get to school and back. I worry that it might affect his body pedalling an old unwieldy bike so a brand new one would be better for his body.

His dad agreed and now my ds is very upset with me. I did suggest to the dad to keep the ps5 at his house but he ignored that suggestion and instead quickly agreed that a bike would be better.

Was I being unreasonable to interfere?

I dont know why buying something that is needed seems so distasteful. If I needed a new coat and someone bought it for me I wouldn't be upset I would think its thoughtful that they paid attention and got it for me. I know it is slightly different for a child but he is getting a bike not a jumper or something. Yes the ps5 would probably be more appreciated initially but the one that is going to be more useful to him in the long term is the bike.

I live in an area where buses are really unreliable so the bike is the fastest way to get around if someone is not driving you otherwise its a half hour walk to get anywhere. I had to go car less for a few weeks this year and it was such a headache. Had to leave so much earlier to get anywhere on time. The bike shortens that 30 minute walk by min 50% or more.

He wont see dad until next week so still have a week to come to a final decision. I think there has to be boundaries put in place beforehand if he was going to get the ps5 so I will sit and have a chat with him about it at some point today.

A new ps5 is £580 or so. Prices have gone up tons due to chip shortages.

a new bike that’s a need would be £200. The extra cost for a £600 bike is a want. £200 bikes are not unsafe, nor are decent second hand ones.

How to spot a none gamer....

"If I needed a new coat and someone bought it for me I wouldn't be upset I would think its thoughtful that they paid attention and got it for me. I know it is slightly different for a child but he is getting a bike not a jumper or something."

The huge, not slight difference, is that you are an ADULT, responsible for providing for yourself. Someone getting you something you need and want IS thoughtful.

He is a CHILD, whose parents are responsible for providing their necessities. A coat and reasonable transportation to school are necessities.

There are nuances, where it could be a gift, such as them wanting a particularly expensive designer coat for example could be a gift, if you have already provided a perfectly adequate high street coat.

Replacing his cheap falling apart bike that is a necessity is hard for me to consider a gift. Especially when a PS5 was the origjnal gift he wanted and was being offered! Then expecting him to buy his own bike lock out of pocket money is the icing on the cake.

I hope your talk goes well and that you can try looking at things from his very reasonable point of view.

Because he doesn't like getting the bus doesn't mean you shouldn't make him. He's literally trying to hack your phone; why should he be rewarded with ANY expensive presents? I think you need to get angrier about his behaviour.

For everyone saying a bike is a necessity, it's a necessity for OP's son in as much as a phone is for most teens these days. Never seen anyone complain when people give children phones for their birthday. I'm sure, in much the same way that if a child gets a new phone for a birthday it's probably not going to be a brick style Nokia, OP's son is presumably going to get a nice fancy bike that he has chosen himself.

I’d never tell my child what they’re getting for their birthday and feel like you telling your ex what to get is quite controlling. He will just want to go to friends to game and will also resent you. Me and my siblings were gaming in the 90s, my son was is a gamer and competes, he’ still reads constantly and finished uni. There’s a lot worse things to worry about with teenagers in my opinion

This is exactly what I wanted to say

@BestIneverhad2026 Slightly off-topic (sorry!) but your DS has one games console, the nintendo switch when in 'TV' mode. PCs and phones aren't gaming consoles in the true sense. So your DS doesn't own an excessive amount by any means. And don't confuse social media with gaming. A PS5 would actually keep your DS off social media.

Exactly. The bike he picked out was between £300-400 so not a cheap gift. Also I cant force him to catch the bus because they are genuinely very unreliable in my area. You wait for a bus that is scheduled and then it gets cancelled. He once had to catch the bus home from school due to injuring his foot so he couldnt cycle or walk. It took him an hour to an hour and a half to get home compared to the 30 minute walk or 12 minute cycle.

I think the thing you are ignoring is that he is not good at sticking to the current restrictions with regards to games and also he already games alot. This is why I am concerned about his electronic use. My family have quite addictive personalities so its better to keep things away that might be a problem. Just because it is not a problem for your child doesnt mean it isn't for others. I work in a school so I see many children who are unable to revise because they spend all their time online.

Yes I am micromanaging him because he is a child. Letting him online without any controls and restrictions is actually irresponsible and dangerous. He is 14 not 18. Yes it is hard work and annoying which is why I am not really looking forward to adding another thing I need to manage to my plate.

However I have sat with Ds and we are putting together an agreement about technology use that we both agree on and will stick too. Any attempts to get around it or break the rules will result in all technology being taken. I think I have realised that I am not tough enough when dealing with infringements so I need to stick to have stronger consequences and be consistent with rules as well. Rather than giving in when ds asks for more screen time.