Would you want to know ..

[iactuallygiveup]

So I was sleeping with someone for the last 16 ish months, known him 14/15 years though.
I really thought he was a decent guy.
it wasn’t a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
we had both said we weren’t going to be sleeping with anyone else though.
he’d been quiet for a couple of weeks and then messaged me saying he was so stressed about a certain situation in his life and that he couldn’t think straight etc.
cool, there’s no pressure from me, concentrate on sorting it out.
Then, I am just scrolling social media and see him and another woman, the post claims they’ve been dating for around 5 months 😳.
Now, if he wants a relationship with someone, that’s fine as we weren’t bf/gf but he has been sleeping with us both and that grosses me out.
in the past year I’ve had cystitis and a month or so ago thrush - never had either in my life before.
Sorry this is so long.
i messaged him saying you have been sleeping with us both at the same time, and said, why didn’t you just tell me you wanted a relationship with someone else, He blocked me.
so would you, as the GF want to know? Or just keep out of it? I feel so mugged off and in disbelief after all these years knowing each other he has just basically discarded me. I will be getting myself tested

The dignified thing to do would to conclude that he was a disrespectful coward and that he’s not the sort of person you want in your life, so you will get your revenge in the form of a life well lived, and the knowledge that he’ll be on tenterhooks for a while in case you do ever bump into them..

Personally, I would want to know. But you know he’ll resort to the script if you do tell her. ‘I broke it off with her months before we got together, but she wouldn’t accept it/kept threatening to hurt herself if I left her alone. She’s crazy. She’s only saying this because I didn’t want to be with her’ And who will she believe? The new boyfriend who has been nothing but lovely to her, or some woman she doesn’t know, who she has been told is crazy. So if you’re going to do it, tell the gossipiest mutual friend you have and let them do your dirty work for you. I really wouldn’t recommend it though, because you will come out of it looking crazy and feeling grubby. Your dignity is worth far more than that.

I suppose the lesson to be learned here is that if a partner is happy to be casual and doesn’t need you to be their exclusive partner, then you run the risk that if they do meet someone, they’ll keep you hanging on as their fall back in case it doesn’t work out. I’m sorry it has happened to you. You always hope that someone will have the same basic decency as you and it’s not nice to find out that they’re just a user.

Presumably that’s what he was agonising over though? And it’s it’s casual sex not a relationship he didn’t need to formally finish it. He’s behaved very poorly but I think it’s clear he saw things quite different to how you saw them

@whistlesandbells I will be arranging that next week

If you know her, I would tell her

Well yeah. They no each other so it makes sense

@UmbcordI can’t work out if you’re being purposely annoying or not! I was scrolling, we are friends on Facebook and have mutual friends

I'd just leave it and never have anything to do with him ever again.

I was scrolling through Facebook, not looking at anyone or anything specifically, it just came up

Yes, I’d want to know.

I knew you would get judgy shit from the women in here! He betrayed you, just because the situation was more unusual doesn’t mean you deserve to be betrayed and lied / fooled into practising unsafe sex. He’s a dog. Perfectly normal with everyone I know to look at peoples social media as well if you’ve been sleeping with them so don’t let anyone make you feel like shit. I would want to know if I were the new girl.

Going forward, use condoms in casual arrangements.

I would leave them to it.

IT DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER. IT BEARS NO RELEVENCE TO ANYTHING OP IS ASKING! IF SOMEONE FOOLS YOU (BY LYING) INTO HAVING UNSAFE SEX AND SENDS YOU A CRYPTIC MESSAGE THEN IT’S REALLY NORMAL TO HAVE A NOSEY AT THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA.

STOP TRYING TO SHAME HER, SHE’S DONE NOTHING WRONG.

She’s already said she is.

@Umbcordplease stop commenting silly things

I would feel ill thinking he didn’t wash his dirty cheating knob in between us! 🥴🥴

@Sezza57325exactly, probably got off on it

I'm a little confused. You do know, right?

I don’t think you can seriously expect someone not to date others and sleep with others if you’re not in a committed relationship, I wouldn’t believe or expect that, be in a relationship if you need exclusivity, he made his excuses and broke it off with you when he became serious with her, I don’t think there is anything to tell.

She literally tagged you in a comment and said they are friends on Facebook. Try reading the posts before making stupid comments