Would you want to know ..

[iactuallygiveup]

So I was sleeping with someone for the last 16 ish months, known him 14/15 years though.
I really thought he was a decent guy.
it wasn’t a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
we had both said we weren’t going to be sleeping with anyone else though.
he’d been quiet for a couple of weeks and then messaged me saying he was so stressed about a certain situation in his life and that he couldn’t think straight etc.
cool, there’s no pressure from me, concentrate on sorting it out.
Then, I am just scrolling social media and see him and another woman, the post claims they’ve been dating for around 5 months 😳.
Now, if he wants a relationship with someone, that’s fine as we weren’t bf/gf but he has been sleeping with us both and that grosses me out.
in the past year I’ve had cystitis and a month or so ago thrush - never had either in my life before.
Sorry this is so long.
i messaged him saying you have been sleeping with us both at the same time, and said, why didn’t you just tell me you wanted a relationship with someone else, He blocked me.
so would you, as the GF want to know? Or just keep out of it? I feel so mugged off and in disbelief after all these years knowing each other he has just basically discarded me. I will be getting myself tested

Just keep out of it.

If the girlfriend is of an age where she might be looking to settle down and have children with this man, I would tell her.

Yes I would want to know.

You and she need to get sti checks. If he was sleeping with someone else, God knows who else he was sleeping with. He doesn't have an issue to sleeping around or lying, so what else has he been doing?

Just mind your own business and move on with your life, he was free to do what he wanted not in a relationship with you. What’s the relevance of the thrush? Were you having unprotected sex with the guy?

Were you using condoms each time? Or did he tell you that there was nobody else, so you believed that you were in an exclusive FWB situation?

I would tell her because she should get tested too. They've only been dating for 5 months so she should have the option to cut her losses.

Did you use protection?

@Umbcord he has zero social media, I know her and we also have mutual friends.

Yes I'd want to know so I could leave the cheating bastard preferably before I had children/brought a house/married him etc.

Stay out of it. He’s clearly trash but you are better off out of it

We agreed we wouldn’t be sleeping with anyone else, so we weren’t using condoms, I think because I have known him years I felt like I could believe and trust him and he was so affectionate and loving it felt safe.
he was free to do what he wanted but not with my health.

I'd stay out of it.

They may have only just become exclusive.

She’s quite a bit older than him and I don’t think she’ll be wanting any kids

It is her business. They had an agreement they were inclusive sexually. She didn’t consent to havering sex with a man who was engaging in sexual activitie with others ant the same time. That’s violating, that’s not what she concented to.

I disagree that his relationship away from her is his business, that’s just my opinion. They weren’t in a relationship and never intended to be. It was casual sex until he found someone he actually wanted to be with. Not using condoms is not a choice I would make outside of a relationship personally, but that’s her choice.

he was free to do what he wanted but not with my health.

You're responsible for your own sexual health.

Having unprotected sex with a man you're not even in a relationship with is always a risk.

And one you chose to take.

Have you had an STI check OP? I would prioritize this right now. And no, I wouldn’t get involved. Just move on. Sorry this happened to you.

@Umbcord she’s probably either going through or been through menopause

He didn’t finish anything, he gave an excuse as to why he’s been quiet. Never once said, I don’t want to do this anymore, not once!

@Umbcord no he doesn’t have any SM never has