I think people hate me and I think I know why

[Moodymaree]

i just realised today maybe people don’t like me (or I perceive they don’t like me) because I might come across really moody? Obviously mumsnet cannot diagnose me over a post I know! But what do the rest of you think below are some things I’ve noticed:

I get stressed quite quickly and I get anxious. I do have childhood trauma which makes me hyper vigilant. Today for example was first day of secondary and I saw a mum from DS’s primary school and asked the mum if I could take a pic of boys (they are really good friends and best friends so not random boy I found on the way to school!) I took a pic of them and DS gave the widest, cutest and cheesiest smile he’s ever done! and I commented why couldn’t you smile like that this morning?! He looked really sulky in the pictures I took at home. I asked his friend Fred if I could just get a pic of DS alone now. The mum yanked Fred and said let’s go here I want a picture here. I realised I might have sounded rude? I really didn’t mean to. I have extreme anxiety and wanted to get out of there quickly.

Then the class went for coffee and I know I should have waited for Fred’s mum but she seemed busy so I walked down with the other mums - I don’t know them btw I only know Fred’s mum as our boys were only ones to move to the school from primary.

I feel really guilty she must think I’m rude and I think part of me does want her to hate me as I rather superficial friendships rather than meaningful ones as I feel unable to have real friendships due hi my trauma.

I really don’t want sympathy for my childhood I only wrote it for context but do you all think I just come across moody? I e seen my reflection suddenly sometimes and I do look moody and miserable! How can I change it? As I’m getting older it seems worse, maybe Botox!!!!

To be honest, I struggle to be friends with people with anxiety - always overthinking, worried, needing assurance that completely normal things are fine. It’s just too much work and I prefer the company of confident, competent people.
I also find that people with anxiety are inadvertently selfish - it’s always about them and how they feel.

I think this is spot on.

People are hard-wired to identify when another person is dysregulated or on edge. They pick up subconscious signals that another person is uncomfortable with themself. It's one of the most unfair things in this world, but if other people are picking up on this you may push them away.

For what its worth none of what you did sounds "wrong" and if I was on the receiving end of it I wouldn't feel hard done by. But you seem to be whipsawing from discussing mundane interactions at school to talking about a traumatic childhood. If you're projecting this to others (and maybe you're not but it comes across in your post), they may just find this too much to deal with. Most people don't want that level of intensity too soon in an acquaintance.

You say therapy hasn't worked for you, but I think possibly you haven't given it long enough? It feels like you are projecting quite a lot of self-doubt onto others. This is going to make this uncomfortable, so you have to either learn to contain it or work through it.

Hi,
I suggest you look up ADHD in women,
some of the difficulties you describe,
especially the emotional regulation &
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)
sound very familiar!
I wish you all the best.

That would have been my reaction. I hate with a passion parents who nitpick with kids and criticise them and pull them up on behaviour that doesn't matter and try and show them up in front of other people and try and shame them. As women I am sure we have all been on the receiving end of "smile love it will never happen" , why would you tell a child they have to smile on demand?

Im slightly surprised that parents are walking their secondary school kids to school and then getting coffee.

I teach adults for a living and the thing that interests me about my students who tell me about their anxiety and sometimes their autism and ADHD is how they always assume they’re the only ones in the class. “I can’t do this thing that everyone else can do”. they can be very self obsessed. Perhaps that’s one of the factors in anxiety that it stops you seeing that everyone has their own shit to contend with.

Sounds like rejection sensitivity, have a google and see if it’s familiar.
I’m sure that after most of the interactions you worry about the other person wasn’t bothered and has long forgotten about it.