When we met 15 years ago, DH was very sociable, particularly around work events. After DD was born his attendance at those events became more sporadic; he attended fewer and generally left after an hour or so. I should add these aren’t casual post-work drinks, they’re usually client or internal social events.
DD is now 7, so we’re on a much more even keel childcare wise, so there is the opportunity for him to go to more and stay later.
Earlier this week there was a work event. Attended by everyone. He left after two drinks, and came home. I said he could have stayed longer and he said it “wasn’t fair” to do so. I asked if anyone else had left early and he said no.
We then got talking about other events, and I asked if a date had been set for the Christmas Party. He said there had but he wouldn’t be attending. I asked why and he said “to be honest, I can’t really relax at these things any more and it’s best I just don’t go”. I asked him what he meant he referenced the previous year when he’d been out until midnight, and I’d (admittedly) sent him a message telling him that he didn’t give a shit about his family because we had things to do the following day.
On that occasion, he pointed out that he’d stopped drinking at 8:30 and he was perfectly fine the following day (he was), and he had just wanted to stay out and network / get to know some of his senior colleagues better. He says he just doesn’t know what he should or shouldn’t do and so to avoid problems he’s just not going to attend.
I now feel awful, like I’ve clipped his wings. He never said anything last Christmas, he just apologised. He won’t change his mind about the Christmas party.
AIBU?
I should add, tor context, I attend work events and other social events and DH has never raised any issue with me, even when they have gone on later than expected and I’ve had a few too many. Which makes me feel even worse.