AIBU to feel middle-class luxuries have become increasingly out of reach?

[cocobow]

I had to go to the local shopping centre the other day to pick up a click and collect for my husband, new work shirts so nothing fancy! I thought why not make an afternoon of it as I rarely go shopping and I could maybe get a coffee and cake and even treat myself to a little something as my birthday is coming up.

I loved some of the clothes in places like monsoon and seasalt but it was all way too expensive dresses were £80 to £100 or more same with skirts which seemed to start at £65 and I know that isn't even considered expensive today but for me it is! I went for a look in the sephora as I love skincare but again it was all really expensive. The queue for the till was full of school girls buying things I wouldn't be able to buy for myself!

To be fair they were probably there spending birthday money and probably aren't spending money like that all the time. I suppose it just feels like the goal posts on these admittedly luxury items have been moved since I was in my teens and early 20's when I imagined that by my 40's I'd be able to at least buy some of these things or buy nice clothes now and then. My husband and I both degree and post graduate educated and work in professional jobs but we have to prioritise bills, the kids and food over luxuries. To be fair we have no debt at all and we will save for an buy large purchases cash mostly but I admit to feeling a bit personally deprived at times! When my mum was my age she worked in a call centre part time in the evenings and would go round the shops most weekend and buy herself a new top or other item of clothes and exclusively used clarins skincare, I use the ordinary, cerave or boots and superdrug own brand mostly and my clothes come from charity shops. My parents were working class made good but their disposable income seemed to go a lot further than mine does. We don't even have a large mortgage.

DH and I recently looked at taking a short trip to London as a joint birthday present to each other but the cost was so expensive we seem to have quietly shelved the idea.

In the end I had a look in waterstones but even that was expensive, since when are paperbacks routinely £14.99! I never even had a coffee or bit of cake as the selection of cakes looked dry and unappetizing but would still have cost £10 in total.

Am I being unreasonable to think the cost of a middle class lifestyle with a few luxuries has had the goalposts moved by quite some amount?

Nobody needs to buy new books and should be using their library. Authors get paid when libraries buy their book and every time a book is borrowed. If we don’t use libraries we really will lose them. No way am I spending a grand on books every year when I don’t need to.

Two things are true here:

1. We consume more than we used to, collectively (although consumer goods also existed 50 years ago), and probably far too much.
2. These things becoming less and less affordable may be some sort of historical correction but this also doesn't bode well for the economy.

Well if you'd been sold a dress with blood on it you'd be entitled to a refund.

This is exactly the point I am trying to make though

clearly badly !

we all had different experiences growing up as to what is normal and luxurious and that colours how you see your life

grow up in a community that didn’t have coffee shops ( I had heard of Lyon’s it was in a story book - and it was seriously upper middle class there ) and things seem amazing today

grow up in a family with marginally more free cash and you feel poverty stricken

When I was in my 20s I bought clothes, socialised and went abroad without thinking about the cost and did it all one one professional salary. Now I am conscious of the amount that is being extorted from me in tax even though Im retired, I resent every penny of it because I see it as poor value for money.

Several people I know have side hustles (which they quietly don't declare) on top of a PAYE job. We are not talking about people cheating on benefit. Rather working people finding it had to keep their heads above water and maintain a decent lifestyle. Not huge sums of money here - maybe £300-£500 a month. Not funding a lavish lifestyle but to pay the basic utility bills and the ripoff council tax. In times of economic hardship the black economy booms. People may pay lip service to "I pay my taxes" when they have no choice through PAYE - then do a bit of gardening, cleaning or dog walking on the side simply to make ends meet.

With the joint income coming into our account, it’s incredible that we have to think twice about buying items that 5 years ago we’d have splurged on with no thought. The “for fun” line on my budget is much over than it used to be after we account for essentials. I know we’re in a much better position than a lot of people, and if we are having to cut back so much, those who had very little disposable income are obviously finding it much harder.

Whenever I mention this, people will trot out the “diamond shoes too tight” line but what they miss is, the effect this has on the economy / other people. It means we are paying less VAT. It also means the people who supply the goods and services we would have bought are worse off too. Dinners out were 2 or 3 times a month, now we rarely do it, fewer takeaways, trips to the cinema etc. We don’t have a cleaner any more. Of course I’m fine with cleaning my own house but it means A) someone is out of a job and B) we have less leisure time to spend money.

And, it’s only going to get worse.

@backformoreofthesame we will have to agree to disagree as I don’t think pubs were the reserve of the upper middle class.

Being a bit hard up and middle class is nothing new.
Some middle class people are well off, not everyone is.
Some working class people are decidedly rich. Not all working class people are.

People have a varying degree of disposable income. Some bemoaning a lack of it still have holidays abroad, drive the SUV, have two car households, and the latest gadgets. Not all, some.

As to clothes, take heart that Princess Anne still wears clothes she wore back in the 1970’s.

Agree I haven’t bought a coffee out in so long and can make amazing coffee at home and take it out

I make my daughter fancy hot chocolates at home now too

id rather spend the money on a day out and bring own food - it seems an awful waste to use money on that in a cafe at the moment

also used to enjoy a pint in the local on a Saturday afternoon and get the kids chips - but again the prices just stopped that it’s 7.50 for a pint in the local now so 2 pints and chips is easily 20£

but we can't use the libraries because according to a previous poster, libraries have become notorious for men using them for porn

apart from the facts that libraries have CCTV, IT-enforced internet search policies, a high risk of arrest for doing such a thing and that many people (including men) have had internet-capable smart phones since 2010

Some phone-owning men exist in the Venn diagram overlap of having a home

@BoredZelda I agree

100k 5 years ago will need to be 130k today to account for inflation & you will lose more to tax. The wider impact is big.

Very true. Shopping is now a pastime. It never used to be. Shopping has become a hobby.

As to clothes, take heart that Princess Anne still wears clothes she wore back in the 1970’s.

Yes but then I lose heart because I’m not worth 30 mill…

I think it’s been a pastime for a bit longer, Selfridges opened over 100 years again & was a “destination”.

Well indeed. But they do say that the most frugal are often the richest.

I feel I should agree because I never treat myself to this sort of thing and our disposable income shouldn't prevent us making these sort of purchases..But then I think about my parents..Their combined income would also have been very comfortable and yet my dad spent his life in charity shops ( mainly for books) and my mum tended to only buy from M& S other than the odd splurge for a particular outfit for a significant do. They were also pretty frugal types.

So I don't think anyone in my family would have spent much without a good cause. Certainly wasn't normal to buy coffee and cake unless with a family member for some reason.

Perhaps we've fallen in love with the idea of treating ourselves, (understandably, its a really nice feeling).Who knows.

Yep, the really rich amongst us are very frugal usually.

I’m sure she spends plenty!

I was talking about the general population.

On a horse she would. But by all accounts she is, like her mother was, fairly frugal.

Why would your earnings peak in your early forties? I started work at 22 and expect to work till I’m 70 - my early forties weren’t even halfway through my career.

I’m 53 and I earning a lot more now than I did ten years ago.

Gatcombe Park is what 6m? Frugal indeed 😆

The other saying is that the poor can’t afford cheap clothes, meaning that good quality clothes last well. PA has very good quality clothes. Being frugal doesn’t make you rich, but if someone is rich, they’re much less likely to be generous.

Yep, I agree with this. 53 and finally able to spend a bit of money on myself. However, the cost of living has shot up, the purchase price of most consumables has gone up at a huge rate yet quality is going down. I buy everything second hand, not only because I am cheap and I love a bargain, but because clothes from 20 years ago are often better made. All my go to brands have gone down so badly in quality in recent years.

I definitely think wage stagnation has a lot to do with it, especially as many wage rises are based on the notional inflation rate. The inflation rate takes an across the board look at things, so some items I would consider luxury or at least non-essentials are included. There needs to be an inflation figure for just essential items like basic food, energy, petrol/transport - these care the things that have gone up in cost the most in percentage terms recently.

I got an inflation linked pay rise this year. I worked out that this covered the increase in my petrol costs and council tax increase, with about £20 a year left over. So I'm worse off by everything else that's gone up. Food, heating & lighting etc, household essentials like cleaning products & loo roll, clothing (even I can't get a t shirt to last more than 12 years very often), insurances...