AIBU to feel middle-class luxuries have become increasingly out of reach?

[cocobow]

I had to go to the local shopping centre the other day to pick up a click and collect for my husband, new work shirts so nothing fancy! I thought why not make an afternoon of it as I rarely go shopping and I could maybe get a coffee and cake and even treat myself to a little something as my birthday is coming up.

I loved some of the clothes in places like monsoon and seasalt but it was all way too expensive dresses were £80 to £100 or more same with skirts which seemed to start at £65 and I know that isn't even considered expensive today but for me it is! I went for a look in the sephora as I love skincare but again it was all really expensive. The queue for the till was full of school girls buying things I wouldn't be able to buy for myself!

To be fair they were probably there spending birthday money and probably aren't spending money like that all the time. I suppose it just feels like the goal posts on these admittedly luxury items have been moved since I was in my teens and early 20's when I imagined that by my 40's I'd be able to at least buy some of these things or buy nice clothes now and then. My husband and I both degree and post graduate educated and work in professional jobs but we have to prioritise bills, the kids and food over luxuries. To be fair we have no debt at all and we will save for an buy large purchases cash mostly but I admit to feeling a bit personally deprived at times! When my mum was my age she worked in a call centre part time in the evenings and would go round the shops most weekend and buy herself a new top or other item of clothes and exclusively used clarins skincare, I use the ordinary, cerave or boots and superdrug own brand mostly and my clothes come from charity shops. My parents were working class made good but their disposable income seemed to go a lot further than mine does. We don't even have a large mortgage.

DH and I recently looked at taking a short trip to London as a joint birthday present to each other but the cost was so expensive we seem to have quietly shelved the idea.

In the end I had a look in waterstones but even that was expensive, since when are paperbacks routinely £14.99! I never even had a coffee or bit of cake as the selection of cakes looked dry and unappetizing but would still have cost £10 in total.

Am I being unreasonable to think the cost of a middle class lifestyle with a few luxuries has had the goalposts moved by quite some amount?

What is this based on? As someone who’s household income exceeds this I do not save 2k a month…

This is just not true at all. Most people are in debt up to their eyeballs and not saving £2000 a month! Get real.

And my childcare is pretty low

Maybe I didn't write it clearly. If they each earn £40k, they should be able to save £2k between them.

lol!

Im so confused by your assumptions @foursqares?How old are you?

You're forgetting that OP said they're in their 40s, so will probably have have paid off mortgage by then. Also, lots of people save £2k per month, especially if they are graduates.

OP is top 10% earner, that's £80k+.

Even if they can't save £2k per month, even at £1k they shouldn't have issue with small purchases.

People do not have their mortgages paid off in their 40s, you just making things up now to annoy people.

I do always tip £5. It is probably the easiest hair cut there can be.

If the cost of child care, housing and energy in the UK was lower, I don’t think it would feel anything like as brutal but they are fundamentals. There’s been a lot of inflation over the last few years but for decades (after China entered the manufacturing game) things were a lot cheaper. Technology moves on as well - my friend bought a DVD player when it was new technology and it cost £400. I remember being at uni in the early 90s and looking at a jumper in Next but not buying it because I didn’t have £30 - that wasn’t unusually expensive. Supermarket competition means food in the UK is cheaper than much of Western Europe.

I’m working in a lower paid job that I used to but went our mortgage rate increased massively we were able to pay it off and avoid what would have been a huge bite in our household budget. Having no mortgage payment is such a huge financial cushion which I am very grateful for. DH has suggested changing the car as it isn’t ULEZ compliant but we don’t use it much and it gets through it’s MOTs so I don’t see the point. The cost side of our household balance sheet with no DCs at nursery and no mortgage is equivalent to a huge pay rise.

What do you spend your money on?! You earn over £100k and don't save at all?

😆😆😆😆

You think most of today’s 40 somethings have cleared their mortgages?!

Why have you decided lots of graduates save 2k a month, I ask again what is this based on?

My mum was a teacher and dad an academic in the 80's & 90's. We lived in a four bed house in a nice location in London, I went to a private school and had lots of extra activities. Our family car was a Volvo estate and we'd have at least one UK based holiday a year.

I find it hard to believe a similar family would have the same lifestyle now. So yes OP I do agree with you.

The average household median income is £36,700. The average mean household income is £42,684.

Class and wealth are not necessarily the same thing

You need to actually read what I wrote…

Why would the alternative to not being able to save 2k a month mean you save nothing?

Excluding mortgage and student loans, most people who earn £93k gross (£71k net) aren't in debt, and if they are, just haven't leant to manage their money well.

Fair point. Some of these are assumptions based on people I know..

We give DC1 a grand a month and save £2500. Mortgage was paid off a few years ago aged 50. When the kids were young we saved fuck all, in fact I was overdrawn every month.

Fair enough Walter Mitty. Why don’t you pull some more figures out of thin air for us.

Are you an adult? Are you managing your own money or just speculating.

well done if you are saving 2000 a month

Again, I wasn't clear, and some is based on my assumptions.

I meant graduates who are in professional jobs for many years like OP, who are top 10% earners.

That assumes that there are 2 adults both working full time and earning the average salary. Take off between £1500 & £2k for the mortgage. Take off £200 for energy costs. Take off £400 for food and other typical daily costs like loo roll, cleaning products. Maybe £75 for insurances. About £75 for TV licence, internet & mobile bills. Say £4-500 per month each for commuting costs. Up to £100 a month for Sky, Netflix, Amazon .or whatever streaming services are used. Holidays.

Then assuming there are children their clothing costs, shoes, clubs, stuff for school like uniforms, childcare costs.

Not an awful lot left of that £5.4k now is there? Certainly not £2k

Yes - agree with you here.

We had all the advantages of a middle class life - private schools, holidays in France, decent hobbies etc.

However, money was accounted for.

Home heating was managed carefully, ditto food budget, clothing budget and the famous "days out" that Mumsnet loves! Basically, we never did them. Our parents went out occasionally for dinners, preferring to have people at home. We were taken out to restaurants rarely, and I actually remember the very first time I was allowed to order for myself - I was 16, and told how much I could spend. 🙃

Thinking about it, there was no casual spending.

Plans were made in advance, and money managed accordingly.

@Gibgertea is bang on!

Our expectations and lifestyles have shifted hugely! My mum wouldn’t have done any of these things. We ate at most twice a year as it just wasn’t done regularly and there wasn’t the choice (small town up north). A treat was a cake from the local bakery, coffee shops were far fewer ….. my mum had friends over for tea and stuff, but tastes and expectations were so different. Not even that long ago - 1990s. Skincare was only ever Nivea!

edited for typo.