AIBU to feel hurt my adult son forgot my birthday

[Thisthatandtheother2]

Am I being unreasonable to expect adult son to remember me on my birthday, I know others have real problems in their life but I am feeling very sad. I feel like I have raised such a selfish person 😞. It was my birthday last week and he is overseas at university, he messaged me the next day saying he hoped I had a nice day. No card , no call or message on the day nothing 😞. I go to so much trouble for his and I always have. He was here over the summer so could have easily left a little gift or card .

He did message a few days later asking for more money. Feeling sad that he thinks this is ok . He didn’t forget he just wasn’t bothered.

Selfish and toughtless but quite common with uni kids.

I would tell him you are hurt and then forgrt about it.

What rubbish. You can be secure and confident and still be a thoughtful person. If he’s big enough to be living in another country, he’s big enough to be told how selfish he is! Asking you for money after that - utterly selfish

I once forgot my DH Birthday and I love him very much . I was going through a very busy time at work and I was constantly preoccupied . I am grateful that he didn’t take it personally and just laughed and was ok with it .

My two adult sons are exactly the same. It makes me sad also but I am used to it. I now don’t worry overly about their birthdays. I send them a text and some money. Job done.

I couldn't care less about any of those days to be honest. My dc Birthdays are important to me but my own not at all. Mother's Day is just commercial. I want my children to be kind and considerate every day.

So many bullshit answers on this thread.

His behaviour is absolutely not acceptable, OP. I wouldn't be sending him anymore money.

Why don’t you value yourself more .

He should have remembered and done something. It does not have to be expensive or big. There are so many easy ways to send a gift/a thoughtful message etc.

However he does sound like my brother when he lived abroad. I would have to remind him to phone my parents on their birthday. (And just communicate with them on a regular bases so they knew he was alive).

I don't think it has anything to do with me valuing myself. It's more that I don't care for specific days or dates. Haven't since I turned 18. Dh and Mil love their birthdays so I fuss for them. Personally I would much rather have a gift/something thoughtful that came my way because the other person felt like it- not because of it being a special day with obligations..

My dc are a bit younger but it wouldn't surprise or bother me if they forget my birthday when they're older. As long as the relationship is solid and secure and they're in touch regularly, that's what matters. I'd expect to be acknowledged at Christmas though as there's no way they could forget that date!

Love flows downhill (and sideways). Upwards is a bonus but it's unhealthy for dc for their parents to demand it.

Forgetting is forgivable, to be ‘not bothered’ is not ok. Can only imagine the people shrugging it off on here are doing so because they’ve had to accept their offspring are also completely thoughtless.

OP has clearly stated he didn’t forget.

Well surely you need to tell him how it made you feel and stop giving him money?

Forget his Birthday. Say u thot we weren’t doing adult birthdays as u got nothing. A message on the day is not asking much. Don’t give him the money snd
when he asks why say cos you need it for
yourself to treat urself as noone else bothered .

At least he messaged the next day. Very selfish I would be upset too.

Whilst it may not have been on the day, given he messaged the next day he didn’t forget.
My adult sons sometimes forget my birthday but tbh it doesn’t bother me. They are kind and thoughtful in other ways.

That's a bit shit, OP. It's not so much he forgot, as it sounds like he knew when it was. It's more he couldn't be bothered to message on the day itself. It doesn't take two minutes to send a Happy Birthday text, if nothing else.

My DS missed my birthday last year. But when I mentioned it, he was genuinely mortified. He has it written down in his phone, but doesn't actually look at his notes. Apparently calenders are for old folk.

You go to trouble for his birthday because he is your child. You can’t expect the same level of care from a young person – they’re inherently selfish. And he did remember!

My mum once forgot my birthday when I was in my 20s and I didn’t care. I reminded her and we both laughed about it.

My kids are early 20s and they have never forgotten mine. I would be really disappointed if they had forgotten. We are a very close family and it is unthinkable. I am so sorry OP and a belated happy birthday to you. X

OP will you tell him how this has made you feel? I think that it is especially important to tell young men that these things mean something to you if they do, otherwise they will always devolve responsibility for remembering occasions to their girlfriends or wives in the future.

Having experienced this, my first thought was whether my son was ok, as it was the first time he’d forgotten. He was actually involved in a stressful work situation which had consumed him. NEVER would I send a shitty text or purposely forget theirs, as a grown up that’s just spiteful.

Yanbu bloody awful OP.
What a selfish and uncaring son.

That what calenders were created for.

At least lol. Like the OP should be grateful.

My birthday is important to me, and there is no way that anybody around me would forget that it is my birthday. Because I remind them, and I organise things that I want to do.

Not reminding people that it is your birthday and then getting upset that they don’t remember is the kind of thing that my passive aggressive mother would do.