AIBU to keep our lights up despite neighbour complaining?

[AutumnLighting]

We moved into our house just before Christmas last year. We are one of 6 houses on a lane in an u shape and our house is directly opposite one of the other houses. All of the houses are set back so we are not close to the houses opposite.

When we moved in last year, we put up lights on our house and in two of our trees at the front of our house as well as 2 nutcrackers and a Christmas wreath on the door. Nothing garish, just white lights. Every time we saw the neighbours opposite they would comment on the lights and decorations. They said things like that’s is a lot of lights, did you leave any in the shop for anyone else, we certainly can’t miss you etc. We took the lights down in January.

This is now our first autumn in the house and my husband has put up some lights along the front of the house, a garland around the front door and a wreath on the door. We went out for the evening and have come home to a note from the neighbour opposite which said she doesn’t like the lights, none of the past neighbours have ever put them up and that the lights will give her migraines like the ones we put up at Christmas did. She would like us to remove the lights.

How do we respond to this? My husband thinks we just ignore it but I said she will talk to us when we see her if we don’t go over and talk to her about it. He said he’ll tell her not to look at the lights. What would you say? We obviously plan to put the lights up for Christmas again this year so that isn’t going to go down well either.

We know she has moaned about other things to some of the other neighbours like their grandchildren playing outside on their bikes so she seems to be a moaner.

Should be static lights only. Otherwise people like my DH with photosensitive epilepsy may have a fit. It's not fair that they struggle to go out due to inconsiderate flashing/flickering lights....

She also said her Christmas lights do flash so the neighbour is probably already fed up with her and dreading several more months of the same. Feels like this could be easily resolved by being open to a compromise.

Don’t have flashing that’s really anti social, and also ensure any lights you put up are the warm yellow toned ones and not the bright white/blue toned.

fairy lights can be quite classy, for example I’ve some wrapped around some olive trees by the front door, but my front door isn’t visible to anyone other than us, unless you approach the property through the gate, and the lights are very discreet

I think when you move into full on light the house up it can move to tacky , but we all have different taste, as said, make sure fhey are the warm ones, and don’t flash,

Maybe just 2-3 hours in an evening is a compromise and the lights are on a timer. Never understand why Christmas lights are still on when I’m walking the dog at 6 in the morning.

We've got a neighbour who complains about us to everyone else he sees. Everything we do seems to annoy him. We see him talking to passers by and pointing at our house! We don't do anything! We've got an oak tree on our land with a TPO he constantly complains (to other people not us) that the leaves block the drains, mess up his lawn, etc. We get the tree cut every few years, when we're allowed. The council are strict on things like that.

Anyway, your neighbour sounds like one of those. Just causes trouble for no reason. A few lights are not causing migraines FFS. Assuming they're not floodlights of course. Why can't you make your house look nice, you paid for it not her.

Your other neighbours probably don't even give a crap do they? Just tell her to f off and mind her own business.

I suspect she doesn’t spend all evening in these places.

Extremely tacky and very antisocial. Just no. I’m so glad I don’t live opposite you.

Put pretty fairy lights up in the house if you want that lovely autumn glow. I put some in a glass jar and others around a mix of pine cones and conkers in a bowl on the coffee table. At least that wsy you can enjoy them for more than the few seconds as you walk up to your front door.

I don't have my curtains closed at night. I grew up in a flat on the fifth floor facing a park, closing curtains just wasn't a thing. I find it hard to wake up in the morning without light and I feel claustrophobic in the evenings sitting in my living room with curtains closed. I can just about manage Christmas period but I certainly don't want to stare at flashing lights for 4 months a year, especially if it's not turned off before 10pm.
I put my own warm and non-flashing Christmas lights INSIDE my house.

I absolutely love lights and decorations as long as they're not the bright white ones, or those awful flashing ones.
I've also got an autumn wreath about to go up (September, October and November are the autumn months) and a little autumnally clothed gonk!
So I'd be keeping them up, Op, but making sure they're set on static, and only the warm white ones. Enjoy them.
If it wasn't your lights your neighbour moaned about, it would be something else.

I didn’t say my decorations were special and you know that. But the trend for having crap wreaths and garlands up all year round makes Christmas decorations and lights in general feel less special.

I hope that explains things for you

I find artificial outdoor lights incredibly naff and not only that they are bad for wildlife. I wouldn’t be thrilled if I was your neighbour but I not sure I’d say anything. I’d just judge you silently . . .

how long is quite far? my neighbours are 50 ft across from me on a residential street, as we both have driveways and then there is the road inbetween - is that quite far?

we need a diagram and some approximate measurements

Didn't realise OPs neighbours had form

but but people need their pretty lights . . . Why should they care about wildlife who are already struggling to survive urbanisation, pollution and the indiscriminate use of insecticides?

It’s selfish to burn the earth and destroy wildlife so you can have a glow as you go up the drive.

They have already been to my house this morning at just past 7am! Who does that? We were still in bed so didn’t answer but spoke through the ring doorbell. I asked if everything was ok and her husband said no, we need to talk about the lights. I told them they need to come back later at a normal time. They stood at our door for 15 minutes and eventually left. I think they might actually be mad. We’ve had a good laugh about it but what the fuck?!

It would be very strange if she didn't have curtains or blinds closed in December, in the evening, when outside lights made her ill.

Lights are lovely as the evenings draw in and she is being a misery IF they are warm white and do NOT flash. Flashing or blue white is totally unreasonable as I can see how they could bother her / cause headaches.

Why have you got lights and wreath on your door it’s barely September?

Lights outside are intrusive. You're imposing them on your neighbours (and wildlife as PP have said). You're being selfish - just put them inside instead.

It’s becoming increasingly difficult for people with any degree of light sensitivity as LEDs get brighter and cheaper. Christmas is the worst.

It’s not being a killjoy, I used to love going past those houses that went to town with Christmas lights. These days I have to avoid certain streets.

Christmas lights on high streets aren’t usually the problem as they are overhead and you can wear a hat with a brim. It’s quite common for me to have to ask for fairy lights to be turned off or down in cafes and restaurants, if there aren’t any seats facing away from them. Last week I was in a restaurant with a searing LED strip along the door of a drinks fridge, the waitress kindly turned the fridge off for me. Yesterday I was in a favourite cafe which unfortunately has replaced its lampshades with ones that are clear glass and don’t actually shade, so you are staring at the glowing element. Weird. I spent the meal eating one handed with a hand over my eyes and made a note that I should get some kind of visor to permanently live in my handbag.

In other words, I don’t know how she individually copes but many people cope through a combination of avoidance and shading devices like hats or sunglasses.

I don’t think any of us knows how bright op’s lights are and how serious the neighbour’s problem is with it, but it could be real and if so it’s difficult because you can’t avoid going down the street you live on.

Just sack the stupid lights.

Yeah, that’s weird!
Id be prepared for a difficult convo, but be firm and stand my ground. You’re entitled to decorate your house (unless you live rurally in a Dark Skies environment, where lights can be detrimental to wildlife).

I'd never heard of anyone decorating their house with "Autumn lights" and assumed it was a recent fad, but it seems to be some North American thing. That would explain everything.

🤣