AIBU to keep our lights up despite neighbour complaining?

[AutumnLighting]

We moved into our house just before Christmas last year. We are one of 6 houses on a lane in an u shape and our house is directly opposite one of the other houses. All of the houses are set back so we are not close to the houses opposite.

When we moved in last year, we put up lights on our house and in two of our trees at the front of our house as well as 2 nutcrackers and a Christmas wreath on the door. Nothing garish, just white lights. Every time we saw the neighbours opposite they would comment on the lights and decorations. They said things like that’s is a lot of lights, did you leave any in the shop for anyone else, we certainly can’t miss you etc. We took the lights down in January.

This is now our first autumn in the house and my husband has put up some lights along the front of the house, a garland around the front door and a wreath on the door. We went out for the evening and have come home to a note from the neighbour opposite which said she doesn’t like the lights, none of the past neighbours have ever put them up and that the lights will give her migraines like the ones we put up at Christmas did. She would like us to remove the lights.

How do we respond to this? My husband thinks we just ignore it but I said she will talk to us when we see her if we don’t go over and talk to her about it. He said he’ll tell her not to look at the lights. What would you say? We obviously plan to put the lights up for Christmas again this year so that isn’t going to go down well either.

We know she has moaned about other things to some of the other neighbours like their grandchildren playing outside on their bikes so she seems to be a moaner.

Edited by MNHQ to add a Cancel The Cheque Klaxon: this thread has moved on quite a lot so it's worth reading through all the OP's posts before replying

Just read your update op sorry you have racist nutters living near you. They sound awful. Carry on living your best life with your pretty lights.

I think all your neighbours should put up Christmas lights.

On a serious note - you need to record everything you've mentioned here, right back to last Xmas comments, in a notebook and going forward include dates and times.

This along with the racist comments leave them open to a harassment charge.

Reporting them will go much easier and faster if you go prepared.

Make sure you keep that footage of the racist comments, if possible.

Absolute scumbags.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!

I'm definitely off Team Neighbour and on Team OP now! What a thoroughly nasty pair of racists they are.

Mind you, I still think most outdoor lights are shit, 'cos light pollution, effect on wildlife etc.

This isn’t a dispute about lights anymore - it’s targeted harassment ending in racist abuse. The shifting complaints, the invented issues, the refusal to look at evidence, and now the slur make it clear the lights were never the problem. People like this don’t want compromise, they want control. Once racism enters the picture it becomes a hate incident, not a neighbourly disagreement, and you’re absolutely right to want to report it. You don’t need to justify having normal house lights to people who behave like this.

But if you choose not to report it now, you do need to document and evidence it as I mentioned in my earlier post or they will re-invent what happened and deny.

And not reading the full fucking thread is as tacky as hell. Give me strength 😮🤦🙄

Or she is having to deal with absolute cranks

iff the OP's family were white, and had put up these lights as described in OP I believe she would have got the same critical responses from most of the posters.

However because they are not white, it seems allowances should be made for them and we have to pretend we like something that we don't and would have criticised before we knew a black family was involved.
If this is true, it's rather insulting to black people.

What a fucking insane take

Yeah I just knew from OP the type of people they are, as I've dealt with this sort many times before.

Honestly I don't even love having lights up all year round personally, but I don't tell other people that they cannot have them up on their own homes because I'm not a self-entitled moron, unlike OPs neighbours unfortunately 😪

See, everyone here assumed they were white before OP stated otherwise. People are not suddenly doing a 180 on their opinion out of fear of being called racist, but rather because the neighbours were so callous and racially abusive toward her husband that they realise that the issue was never about the lights (as is again obvious by the multitude of other issues they brought up upon their attack on her). Takes like a shred of common sense to realise this.

If you're implying that the neighbours would have still had a problem with OP had her family all been white, then well, I can only assume you aren't the brightest LED bulb on the house 😉

well, thank you for your response.
If you ever want racism to be reduced, you need to understand that it needs to be on the table and discussed by all parties together , working in a spirit of understanding why all sides think as they do. Only then will it be possible to understand why people think as they do, and to be able to find solutions which will enable us all to move forward,
Responses such as yours, just shuts down debate and puts us all backwards and resentful.

I hope your husband considers reporting them - its hard to prove racial issues and if he has evidence that will help. At the very min the police should go speak to them as its illegal to use racial slurs. Hopefully they will then leave you alone.

You & your family are entitled to live there without harrassment from any neighbours.

If you are bothered now or in the future, you could log with 101 or online to your local police.

Personally, I would leave the lights up & add more at Christmas

Along with those huge inflatable Santas that bellow 'HO HO HO!' periodically.
In fact, there is a house I see on the edge of my village that has an enormous green dinosaur in a Christmas hat every December. I think OP and all the nice neighbours should get one each. Nothing says Christmas like a 9 ft inflatable dinosaur that lights up and sings. It would be bloody hilarious to see their faces.

Really?
I’m another one who has moved from Team Neighbour to Team OP and it’s not because I have suddenly decided to pretend to like her lights.
It’s because

1. the neighbour crying wolf about the imaginary cat and the imaginary late night visitors means that I am now questioning the neighbour’s perception about the lights being unreasonably bright. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt to begin with but when they have shown you not once but twice that they’re unreliable witnesses it’s rational to adjust your assessment accordingly.
2. I still hate bright lights but what’s more serious, bright lights or racism? Racism, surely. Migraines are a nuisance but protecting your kids from racism would be another level. OP’s dh has a right to live in his own country without idiots telling him to go home. Which is why racial harassment is illegal.

That's a lot of words to say "I'm racist".

Careful you don't fall over with that reach...

FWIW, I wouldn't have said you should take the lights down, even before it emerged that your neighbours are batshit crazy racist motherfuckers.

They can't control their neighbours' Christmas decorations. They can find them tacky, they can be annoyed that they're flashing, they can chunter to themselves - and they can close their curtains and avoid all of it. They can no more ask you to take down your autumn lights, than ask you to paint your front door a different colour. I don't understand all the people that thought you were being unreasonable. You weren't to start with, and now you need to get a 12 ft inflatable light up Santa that plays music and has lasers shooting from its eyes.

Please contact the police OP, they shouldn't get away with this.

Oh my goodness!!! Nasty little people.. Definitely in the "report to the police" team.

What the fuck is wrong with people...

If you ever want racism to be reduced, you need to understand that it needs to be on the table and discussed by all parties together , working in a spirit of understanding why all sides think as they do. Only then will it be possible to understand why people think as they do, and to be able to find solutions which will enable us all to move forward,
Responses such as yours, just shuts down debate and puts us all backwards.

😶

I’ve read the thread and the racist neighbours but it is 2 September, isn’t it a little early for lights? I’d understand December, November too, maybe even late October for Halloween but 2 September? With a wreath?? OTT no?

I think you're both being unreasonable tbh