AIBU to really dislike DH after our holiday?

[HelpMEunderstand0]

I don’t know if I’m over reacting but I actually feel like I really really dislike DH and am questioning the relationship altogether based on a terrible holiday

DD13 ASD and DS15 ADHD

I have ADHD - suspect DH may be ASD but he refuses any testing as says he’s got to 45 just fine

A few incidents have happened and I’m really upset

Firstly we have not been getting on for a long time now and this was meant to be a bit of a deciding holiday as I’m struggling to connect with him at all in recent years mainly with the lack of understanding around the children’s needs or practical help with any of it

So far he has

1. Made DD cry in a shop because DS kept putting a box of Maltesers in the basket that he said were too expensive and ended up tossing them on the side of the self checkout - they then fell on the floor and a shopkeeper asked if he was buying them and he replied “ Obviously not or they would be in my basket wouldn’t they ? “ and left the shop

DD very embarrassed and apologised to the worker

1. A little boy of 8 years old is on the resort and is very good at pool and has beat both my kids in good spirits each time he’s played them. DH said “ Let’s see how good he is then “ and proceeded to floor him, hitting the balls in really hard and a little aggressively. I was mortified that a 45 year old would take joy in beating a small 8 year old and my son then got annoyed with DH and tried to knock the cue out of his hand on the last shot which made DH shout “ if you did that to someone in a real pool match they would punch you in the face “

Lastly, me and DD went to look in a shop at the airport and DH and DS were meant to wait outside

When we came out they were gone so we made our way to the gate thinking they would be there - they weren’t so I called him and he was furious that he had waited outside and we had gone anyway

Turns out he was nearby but not outside so we just missed him by accident but when we got back FD was upset as DH had said “ Well if they’re late it’s their own fault and they’ll have to deal with being stuck in Italy won’t they? “

DS panicked and told us when we met back up with them and DD then got upset as DH had her passport so in her mind we would have actually been stuck

My emotions are really high and I need some outside advice please

He sounds nasty. Aggressive towards small children. Rude to shop keepers. Upsets you and your daughter.

Doesn't matter why he's like this, what matters is the impact on you all
Break up with him properly this time

He sounds like a horrible rude bully, you and your kids would be better off without him.

He sounds very mean, angry, and unhappy. Do you know why he is like this? Is he worried about things? Very stressed at work? Generally disappointed in life? It's interesting he resists getting checked for AuDHD - does he fear being "blamed" for whatever difficulties your children experience?

None of these things are justifications for the mean and cruel ways he treats other people. But understanding why people what they do can help us make decisions.

Does he behave like this at work with his colleagues and clients? Or does he just save it up for his family?

What have I just read? 😮

Your h is a bully and a horrible man. A real shame that the 8 year old’s dad wasn’t around.

You described your son as kind like you but by staying with his dad so long, you’ve create a potential future doormat who will accept this kind of behaviour from friends and future partners. It’s very sad that he thinks that being autistic is a get out of jail free card for his dad who is a vile man who is a terrible role model for his kids. I bet your h isn’t this rude at work or has the sort of work where he doesn’t have to talk to others because someone this mean couldn’t be part of a team. If he has a manager then I bet he can control his words.

A diagnosis won’t change much. Even if he accepts it (unlikely), there’s no practical help for adults.

How was it for you when you were apart for those six months?