Whats app

[NeedyBluePeer]

My husband's family have a whats app group.

I get overlooked on my birthday despite other conversations going on!

I never get any gifts and I totally understand this, as life is busy and expensive but surely just a happy birthday on a group chat costs nothing?

I desperately wannt to leave the chat for the good of my mental well being but how do I do this without being offensive?

The strange digs and lack of birthday wishes has been going on for many years even when my dad died and my mum got a debilitating illness.

When I try and discuss this with my husband he just gets really nasty and says what do I want him to do about it.

I'm getting so fed up with having to tolerate such a lack of respect and it caused so many arguments between me and my oh.

Can't you mute it without actually leaving?

Just leave the group. I wouldn’t worry about how they view it tbh. And then maybe have a think about your husband and why he’s not supporting you.

If your husband is getting really nasty, maybe it's not just the WhatsApp group you should be leaving.

You don’t actually have to give an explanation. If it’s no good for you, simply just leave. If anyone asks why, tell them how it made you feel so you took yourself away from it. Honesty is the best policy.

Mute it.

it you need to, check out what’s been going on once in a while when you want to, but otherwise out of sight, out of mind.

Is your husband always this unsupportive and dismissive of your feelings. Does he ever advocate for you when it comes to people not treating your correctly? It sounds like he has as little respect towards you as his family does.

Can’t you just lie about some glitch or something? Have your husband say you’re leaving because new messages aren’t showing or whatever and then just never resolve the issue?

Agreed. The group chat sounds like the very top of the iceberg. What do you possibly gain from this marriage.

Dh has a WhatsApp with his family. I am not on there and I have a good relationship with in laws generally. Just leave and don’t mention it. If anyone asks, dh can reply - life is really busy so I’ll pass on any relevant messages to my wife.

He should be reminding them of your birthday. Honestly, I have no idea when half of dh’s families birthdays are. I’ve got enough to remember. Dh prompts me or BIL reminds Dh who reminds me it’s SIL’s birthday. Really it’s your Dh who should be making sure you are thought of.

I’d agree with the above but st the very least I’d say if you don’t get information you need from the WhatsApp group then mute it but don’t tell anyone. If anyone says anything ‘oh oops did I do that?’ Then mute again a few days later. If you leave it will say NeedyBluePeer has left and that’s a lot of drama do save yourself the trouble!!

If they are so unpleasant to you OP I don't understand why you are worried about offending them. They obviously don't care about your feelings. Just leave the group

So sorry about your Mum and Dad.

And your H should be supporting you, not being nasty to you. Perhaps you should be having a hard think.about the future of your marriage

He often says he can see my point of view and is really frustrated with the way his family treat me but never does anything. Then gets reallh angry wheni bring it up. We've experienced so many awkward comments, from his sister paticularly, and I just don't get it ...I've always been so friendly and supportive 😢

Just say you’re pulling back from tech as it’s good for your MH.

But definitely leave that group as it sounds very pernicious.

Thank you..I've been feeling frustrated that I have no one to share my feeling's with for a long time. I really appall com
ments ♥️

Archive the chat. You won't see it then.

Just leave the group and let DH deal with them all from now on! You don't have to spend time with people who aren't nice to you 🤷‍♀️

You need to stop being so friendly and supportive because that is only for people who are friendly and supportive to you in return. All the time they aren’t being outright rude to you, all you need to do is maintain a low level of civility.

Mute the chat if you’re worried about the fallout of you leaving. Personally, I think you could probably do with leaving more than just the family chat, but I’m not sure you’re ready for that yet.

And then you need to alter your behaviour. If you’re responsible for cards and gifts on birthdays, then don’t you dare raise a finger. His family are so impothat he doesn’t want to upset them by telling them to treat you with respect? Then they’re important enough for him to remember their birthdays. If he wants to visit them and you’d prefer an afternoon on the sofa, tell him you don’t fancy it and you’ve decided you’re not going. If he gets all whiny or angry with you, and you feel safe to do it, tell him very calmly that the way he is talking to you is unacceptable and you won’t be tolerating it anymore.

🎯

Leave the chat for your mental well-being and for your marriage. If asked, just say WhatsApp seemed to kick you all of all groups, not sure what’s happened.

Have no idea if this is even possible but they won’t know either. Then just ignore the invites to rejoin.

Your husband is an unsupportive knob.

They blatantly dont care about you so likely won't care if you leave the chat anyway . Sorry to be blunt op.
Bonus being now you with see prompts and reminders about THEIR birthdays.

Dh can deal with all that now .

I agree

How mean, they sound like a bunch of absolute arses! Personally I'd agree with leaving the the group properly but without drama rather than tying yourself in knots with muting/archiving and feeling the need to explain why you didn't see things if they ask you. For minimal drama leave when nothing is going on, then you can't be said to have flounced. But I'm probably older and grumpier than you and don't feel obliged to be polite to rude people!

If you don't want to do that then I think making it a "locked" chat and muting it means you'll never know when any messages are sent or see anything to do with it unless you choose to enter the PIN and unlock it.

And if your husband doesn't like it then bollocks to him.

I don’t think you should mute the group. Leave the group, it sends a message that you won’t put up with it anymore.

These people sound awful. Please don’t tell me you buy them presents? Or wish them happy birthday?