To think it’s only enjoyable

[RosesPetals]

Am I wrong to think being a single parent is only really enjoyable when you get regular breaks, like EOW weekends or 50/50?
I feel like without any proper time away from the kids, it can just be relentless and miserable. I love my children, but all the mums I know who have regular breaks, whether that’s EOW or 50/50, seem much happier in general. I honestly think having that time to yourself makes a massive difference. Everyone says how wonderful being a single mum is but really regular breaks is the only positive I can see so you can still have some kind of social life otherwise it can be extremely lonely and isolating.

I don't think anyone is saying being a single mum is wonderful. It might be a lot better than staying with someone abusive/useless/you don't get on with, but if it was the ideal, we'd all just be using sperm doors surely

I think it can be enjoyable if you get regular breaks to yourself, I often see on mumsnet “divorce him and he will be forced to do 50/50” when in reality thats often furthest from the truth and you get left with 100% of the work.

Yes, but that's still better than being with anyone awful.

I guess I'd personally rank it as (huge generalisations here)

• happy couple with child
• amicable co-parents sharing child
• mildly unhappy couple with child (no abuse etc, just not brilliant)
• solo parent
• hostile parenting relationship
• abusive relationship

You missed the weaponised incompetent one that adds more to your load to you have an extra child to raise.

Yes maybe but it’s not really what my thread is about. I’m not saying being a solo parent is worse than being in an unhappy or abusive relationship. I’m talking about the difference between being the sole parent with no regular breaks and having another parent who has the children EOW/50:50. I honestly think having regular time completely off makes a massive difference to how happy and well you cope with parenting. The single mums I know who get regular breaks seem much happier generally.

I have one, whose now 19. I've been a single parent for 15 years. Her dad sees her for about 10 days a year. I'm not lonely or isolated, I would rather spend time with DD than anyone else on the planet.

Well yeah, sure. Of course any situation where you get an occasional break is better than not, BUT depending on the ex, co-parenting can be a tightrope of constant negotiating, advocating for your kid, frustration and conflict. Its a high price for an occasional weekend off.

I think it depends on the parenting set up.

I have two young children and ex DH sees them EOW. Yes it’s nice to have two nights to myself though usually I’m doing practical things around the house I can’t get done when they’re here.

But then when I get them back, because his “parenting” style is different to mine, I spend the next 12 days trying to get them back into some kind of routine, instil rules that he doesn’t and generally settle them… sometimes I wonder whether it’s even worth it at all as he does not contribute anything to their wellbeing around schooling, health or anything like that, he’s just the fun parent.

However I do appreciate your situation must be totally relentless and my heart does go out to you x

At 19 does she not find that suffocating, sorry hope that doesn't sound rude I just imagine most 19 year olds would rather be out with friends

Well it's not like I'm hanging onto her ankles, keeping her under house arrest. She's currently at Reading festival, goes travelling and lives her best life. Since she was old enough to leave home alone, I go out. But my favourite person to be with is her, so having a very curtailed social life for a decade was no hardship.

Fair enough, I don’t want to spend all day every day with anyone and my kids are not an exception 😅 but admire anyone that does. The holidays have been relentless.

I was a FT single parent without breaks - as in, no babysitting, no relatives nearby, ex was dead - for about a decade (and also worked FT) and it’s definitely not for the weak.

I can absolutely understand now why my mother (divorced, self employed FT worker) made sure she always had breaks from us during the school holidays.

My regular breaks happened when I was at work. My parents would look after kids on the rare occasion I went out. Why is it that people with kids these days are always going on about bloody "breaks"?