AIBU to continue chatting to him considering these messages?

[cotswoldsblue]

So I work part time as a server at a cafe, and am friends with one of the chefs.

I started in April, and asked him a WhatsApp question in May. From that point on we started chatting a bit on WhatsApp- mainly work gossip. He's very friendly with everyone, and has a girlfriend who he brought up early on in the chats.

A couple of nights ago he seemed either a bit drunk or over tired.
I asked him ''Can I ask you a question about the shifts''? and he replied with ''You can do anything my dear 😘 ' '
I then said I hadn't said goodbye because I was serving a table, and he said ''When I left you were other side of restaurant, I was upset'' with another kiss emoji.
He then asked me if I wanted to see an email chain about a colleague, and I said yes. There was then a bit more chat and he said ''Right, I need you to be with me rn''. I replied with the chain emoji and he came back with ''Filthy c'' ( just using the letter, but I can guess what that means)!

I was confused and a bit taken aback, but he then said '' Okay, ignoring hand cuffs'' and carried on describing the gossip- I think he thought that was what the link emoji was!

The next day all his messages were the same as the other chats we had, neutral, totally platonic, referencing his girlfriend etc.

I don't know if I should feel guilty about the above exchange considering his girlfriend, or just carry on as if nothing happened, which it basically didn't?

The kiss emojis could be just friendly, I can see him using them with anyone to be honest, although I'm not sure.
The phrase ''I need you to be with me right now'' I wouldn't use if I was in a relationship. However I think he may have just meant 'be with me' as in be present for the gossip
The reaction to that link emoji was a bit strong, but he then shut it down quickly saying he was ignoring it.

Do I have anything to be guilty about considering he's attached? All my replies to the above were laugh emojis

Oh and his girlfriend by the way is a new relationship after liking her for a bit, and she's from a conservative culture so I'm not sure they're intimate yet. So I doubt she's around when he's texting me in the evenings.

Regarding if he should be messaging me in the evenings, we work night shifts and it's often coming off shift with gossip etc, so that's not unusual

I would definitely consider these messages flirting and if my partner was to message a colleague like this I'd be less than impressed. I would also put a stop to flirty messages from a man who had a girlfriend even if I myself was single, a quick "Sorry mate the way you are messaging doesn't sit well with me, please keep messages professional from now on. Thank you" should do.

What does a chain emoji mean?

The chain emoji is commonly used in chat by people who are into bondage and BDSM.

If you posted it in response to him saying “I need you to be with me rn” and his response was to call you a “Filthy c” then that’s definitely what he thought you were referring to.

He sounds like a creep. Are you youngish? Sounds like he’s trying to take advantage of you. Steer well clear.

He said he would send me an email chain. That’s it :)

You started a conversation saying ‘I didn’t say goodbye because I was serving a table’.

I mean talk about finding any excuse to start a chat...

Oh I didn’t know that and he seemed to think it was hand cuffs through a tired haze or whatever it was, so neither of us aware!

Oh. That wouldn’t register with me at all. Yeah I thought it was sexual.

No I’m mid 30s. He’s early 40s

Of course he’s aware. He replied with “Filthy c”. Whether he thought it was chains or handcuffs, he clearly thought it was sexual.

He was aware. He called you a filthy cunt because he thought you were suggesting being chained up!

I would stop messaging and if you do keep it entirely professional.

This

Yeah this is 100% flirting.

The handcuffs are also used to refer to bondage, as are the ropes ⛓️‍💥⛓️🪢

The texting is getting problematic plus he has a girlfriend anyway.

No need to text.

Not defending him but if he actually said just the letter c after filthy, could it have been a typoed 'x' kiss? I do that a lot accidentally, like "ok bye! c"

You sound a bit desperate, he sounds creepy and together it comes across a bit pathetic.

Yes, you can't be this thick/naïve at your big age, OP.

Very glad you’re not my work mate. Bitchy and gossipy behaviour reading an email between others 🤢
and yes, the chef is disgusting.

You're attracted to him aren't you? No one who wasn't would be second guessing these msgs to this extent surely!

So if I was I’d admit it. It’s mainly asking if that one series of messages crossed boundaries to the extent that I should feel guilty if we message each other platonic gossip when he has a girlfriend.

If you think the fact the messages can be second guessed as not being inappropriate that’s positive I guess.

The kiss emojis and the flirty reaction to the chain I can see myself doing with friends to be honest. I wouldn’t say “I need you to be with me rn”.

All our other messages don’t have this type of content, they’re just friendly. I think he was just very tired that night….

Grow up. Stop trying to squeeze intentions and second guess emojis, you are not a teenager.

Why would you need to text a colleague at night to say 'I didn't get to say goodbye to you as I was busy ....'. That would have been bloody obvious wouldn't it. It sounds like you are initiating the conversations for attention.

You know he has a new girlfriend - the fact you wondered if they have been intimate yet is weird. You like him but he is not single. So no, I wouldn't have started messaging him. It's got trouble written all over it. After the exchange when he called you a 'filthy C'. I would be looking for another job to be honest, not funny or respectful.

Yes, you should feel guilty.

Stop texting someone else’s partner out of work.

Find your own man love