Not interested in arguing with you very PC types, just saying......

[cosima]

I went to a school fete today, there were two men there that I felt could have been paedophiles. NOW, of course this thread could go in to a laborious discussion about How did I know? / How could I be so judgemental? How dare I? What a terrible world when people are so narrow minded! etc etc, but actually the only action I am taking is to say to a mums website

Please remember that school fetes are open to the public, parents feel very safe in the environment, Paedophiles go to school fetes on saturday afternoons, and PLEASE KEEP YOUR CHILDREN SAFE AND IN VIEW.

Fab post(s) cory.
there was also a story on radio 5 a week or two ago about a child who had wandered out of their nursery.
A kind bloke found said child and was then accused of abduction....

hang them!

Are you sure they weren't paediatricians?

Eh?

What did they look like please? So I can keep an eye out too. I have come to realise that I am simply too complacent and I need to develop some panicky hysteria pdq.

And how can you not expect an argument (with PC-types or anyone else) when you wade in with such a statement?

Try this..if you throw them in a river with rocks tied to their feet they float if they are a paed and sink if they are an innocent parent.

I don't think you can reason with this sort of ignorance it's beyond rational thought.

Hmmm...OP still not back. Now we know that paedophiles haunt Saturday afternoon school fetes, but...do they also lurk under bridges?

So Anyway.... I said I 'THOUGHT' , but I acknowledged that this was prejudice, I didn't trust my instincts, I did throw logic into the mix, I'm not vigilante, I didn't accuse anybody of anything, infact I didn't discuss it with anyone, except on an anonymous parenting website a reminder about keeping your children safe.

You see I agree with you all, I did Nothing, I had a thought which I knew was dubious and I weighed up the factors and did the right thing.

And after all, even if they were paedophiles, this school fete was open to the public, and I didn't see anyone commiting any crime so there was nothing for me to report, and also I'm not about to start telling parents how to look after their children. but as I know what devasting repercussions abuse can have I posted a reminder on a parenting chat site. Thats all!

Furthermore, I knew it would create a total furore, I'm pleased at the open debate, and I knew thast I would be ridiculed and labelled, and judged, Yes judged! by all you uppity mumsnetters, infact I'd say that many postings on this thread display a much more persecutory, judgemental, vigilante behaviour than my actions, which were nothing remember - I didn't even post what made me think it cos I didn't want to influence others) but on balance I was wanting a decent excuse to stop spending so much time on mumsnet and this has given me one.

I think much of these postings have served to benefit your own egos to show how clever, funny..etc you are, mine was actually moderately altruistic, and yes I could have just posted 'look after your children at school fetes, but not many people would have read that.

So stick it up your bum mumsnet!

Yes, if she had suggested it politely and maybe provided some sort of reason (like those suggested by you, Ruby).

But the way she started out her post, her aggressiveness of addressing us, both in her OP and her last post, are very strongly reminiscent of internet trolls I've met.

"on balance I was wanting a decent excuse to stop spending so much time on mumsnet and this has given me one."

This is as fair a definition of trolling as I have ever read. Somebody who openly admits that their intention in posting was to provoke people so that they themselves could take offence.

Somebody who comes on and puts agressive language about the forum in her first post before anyone has had the chance to attack her, and then feels she has proved her point when people react- that is typical troll behaviour to me.

"Moderately altruistic" you may be, Cosima, but where was the need for rudeness in your title? Shouting in our faces before we'd had a chance to do anything to you. And why on earth do you post in the AIBU forum with the specific proviso that you don't want to argue? Come on, you did want to stir something up, didn't you? You said so yourself in the quote above. And you admit that you are pleased with the results. And end with rude language about the forum as such. What is this if not trolling?

True, there are times when a genuine post attracts a storm of opprobrium and one feels sorry for the OP. But you wanted it, you say so yourself. Which makes you a troll.

If you genuinely wanted to protect children, you would not have started attacking the people whom you claimed to want to warn- calling them rude names is hardly the way to make them listen. I find it hard to believe that anyone could be as incompetent as this. The explanation must be the one you proffer yourself, that you wanted to provoke a break with Mumsnet. Fair enough, feel free.

totally agree with cory

countless people asked you how you could tell they could be peadophiles.. what made them seem suspicious... but despite wanting to help us protect our children, you have not told us ..

i also think you aer preaching to the converted when it comes to looking after your children at school fetes

and to whoever posted 'still no op thats the type Im talking about, who as soon as they see my name back in active convos they will get back over here, with their lynch mob, baying for my blood.

I haven't persecuted anybody, I haven't bullied anybody, I haven't even slandered anybody in private.

How do you act when you think something?

I treated everybody with openess,fairness and respect. I had a thought, (influenced by my own life experience, by the media, by the news, by my job) and I treated that thought with the utmost caution. I didn't treat anyone differently because of it, I didn't give these men a dirty look or follow them suspiciously, infact I had spoken to them to give them the times of the buses, and was perfectly polite and pleasant. why wouldn't I?

you see its you that acts in this vigilante, bullying way, not me. not me at all!!

honestly what are you trying to do to me?

its hurt and shame and underconfidence not aggression. And it wasn't my INTENTION to create a row so that I could get off mumsnet, it is the OUTCOME that as given me the excuse to get off mumsnet. You certainly don't give anyone the benefit of the doubt do you? I hope you don't do jury service.

you've gone a bit shrieky cosima
if this is upsetting you by all means have a break
but no-one here will give a monkeys about this next week, so there is no reason you have to go unless you want to

cosima, please could you tell us what made you think these men were peadophiles

"on balance I was wanting a decent excuse to stop spending so much time on mumsnet"

and

"And it wasn't my INTENTION to create a row so that I could get off mumsnet"

Do you genuinely not see that these two statements are contradictory? Either you wanted it or you didn't want it. It was you who said that you did want it, not me.

and what about these ones:

(Start of thread title):

"Not interested in arguing with you very PC types"

and

"I treated everybody with openess,fairness and respect."

How does starting a thread calling us "you very PC types" amount to treating us with respect? If you had phrased your initial post more politely, people would have responded in kind.

And what openness have you actually displayed? You have still not given us any information on which we are to judge your opinion. If I had been on jury service I would have expected the judge to direct to do so.

cosima
as the mum of a young boy who will one day look like a very odd man to any passing stranger, you cannot keep pretending that posting
saw 'strange/odd person = paedophile = watch your children
is a completely neutral act.
Attitudes like that will make life uncomfortable at best, dangerous at worst for my gorgeous son.

I was abused from my earliest childhood. It is my first memory actually
this is not an issue I take lightly.
Child abuse never is an easy issue.
Which is why you should post carefully.

I posted in AIBU because I felt I was being unreasonable.

I didn't say these men 'looked strange/odd, I said 'I felt could have been' this was probably because of my own prejudices. I acknowledged this, and I don't think it would be fair for me to peretuate my stereotype by what made me think this. It wasn't the way they looked.

By 'on balance' I meant 'in hindsight', seeing what an extreme and frightening reaction I have provoked.

I actually feel quite shocked and scared that some people will have clicked my profile to glean info about what film / books I like etc to make further judgements about me, and may even look at my photos hoping to recognise my children at mums and toddler groups!
And Yes! imagine what it feels like to be accused of being a paedophile. - I do, and I did which is why I behaved accordingly.

You are right, posting 'I don't want to argue with you pc types' was a mistake. I now realise it was inflammatory but as it was so general I didn't think that anyone would actually be offended, it was more that I wanted to acknowledge my own silly prejudices. My mistake.

So why did I post? Well I thought about it all the way home thinking I was silly to think that about these poor men, and questioned my prejudice. I had decided not to act. But I still couldn't get out of my head that it had been naive of me to forget that school fetes were of course just like any public space. And I was so worried that I should have done something if I thought that even if it meant everyone would think I was a complete twat and a fascist to boot.

I knew it would cause a furore on mumsnet, so I didn't really want to post cos I hate feeling victimised and shamed, hell It even sickens me when people jeer at X factor contestants, or boo big brother people. and I had been stung by posting some innocuous style advice on a wedding thread before.

But still I just wanted to be rid of the worry that some parent might be as naive as me and forget to look out for their child cos it was a school fete.

I feel so upset by all this, and I feel some people's behaviour has been so vicious and aggressive and much more vigilante/judgemental than mine, that it disgusts me.

I have no idea what trolling means but I take it, it is offensive.

I won't log in to see how this turns out, not under a name change/ not out of morbid curiosity.

I'm sorry if any of this is unclear and going to be miscontrued to cause a violent reaction but I have to get off this computer quick and see to my children

This is such a wierd thread.

But LOL @ 'hth', Fio. It does

I know you won't be coming back to check Cosima but just in case...
i think if you are so fragile about this discussion ( you talk about disgust/vicious/vigilante/upset/shocked and scared )
it may be sensible for you to avoid posting on open forums for a while - unless to look for support.

You seem an odd contradiction of the vulnerable and the opinionated. Very strange.
Your OP wasn't a problem because of a mistaken phrase - re read it . It is quite rude and aggressive. Yet you now seem to be feeling victimised.

I am very puzzled. And I am sorry that anyone should get upset on a website like this. But I won't ignore posts accusing strangers of being paedophiles because of my son.
Perhaps if you could contemplate the possiblility that you have offended others you might be able to put their reaction to you in context.
It is not personal. It is a sensitive issue.

FWIW - wouldn't dream of looking on your profile. How bizarre

Cosima - I totally understand how having people in your family abused, and working in situations where you see a lot of the effect of abuse could make you feel more wary...but... What do Paedophiles look like?

Were the people you know who were abused, abused by strangers?

I would be very wary about creating fear in your children's lives by being overly cautious about every situation they are in. Yes abuse does happen, and yes there are registered sex offenders living all over the uk, as well as many many offenders who have not been caught but this doesn't mean that every 'strange' looking man is a paedophile. Be aware but don't let your fears or your experiences control your life.