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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not interested in arguing with you very PC types, just saying......

226 replies

cosima · 28/06/2008 19:44

I went to a school fete today, there were two men there that I felt could have been paedophiles. NOW, of course this thread could go in to a laborious discussion about How did I know? / How could I be so judgemental? How dare I? What a terrible world when people are so narrow minded! etc etc, but actually the only action I am taking is to say to a mums website

Please remember that school fetes are open to the public, parents feel very safe in the environment, Paedophiles go to school fetes on saturday afternoons, and PLEASE KEEP YOUR CHILDREN SAFE AND IN VIEW.

OP posts:
krang · 29/06/2008 13:57

I saw a dodgy looking man down my road!

I knew he was dodgy because he was wearing SANDALS!

And his shirt was a bit tight! And I think he looked at my DS as we went past!

However, all you right-thinking non-PC mothers will be happy to know I got a bloke who I know from down the pub to beat the living shit out of him. He won't be looking at any more children funny! Oh no!

pagwatch · 29/06/2008 14:14

the trouble is that cosima's notions of how paedophiles operate and how you spot them arn't just ridiculous they are dangerous and damaging.

Firstly if we concentrate on the wierd guy who gives us a creepy feeling then we don't see the handsome plausible guy who is just as dengerous.
Having knowledge of abuse does not give anyone the right to spread misinformation.
My abuser was the person that my smart and loving mum left me with to keep me safe. - a 'lovely' trusted man who no one would have suspected.

Secondly those who become suspicious are just the odd and the lonely. My DS2 has special needs and loves to play. As an adult he will have the mind of a small child and will want to engage with other small children.
in the climate presented by cosima and her ilk I genuinely fear for him.

SenoraPostrophe · 29/06/2008 14:28

can I nominate this thread for the most patronising thread title award?

and do you know what? people "remembering" to keep their children in view at all times etc is causing way more damage to the next generation than peadophiles have done so far: obesity at epidemic levels (because children can't go out to play so much); a level of paranoia among some parents and teachers that interferes with their ability to parent/teach etc.

HermanMunster · 29/06/2008 16:34

also i love how people now throw about the term "pc" as though it is a swear word and that anyone who disagrees with your sentiments is obviously over-sensitive and have been brain washed by the liberal media.

QuintessentialShadows · 29/06/2008 17:06

This is quite possibly the most ignorant OP I have ever read....

cory · 29/06/2008 17:47

Yes, but she seems to have gone away... Down a school fete, perhaps, lurking in a corner, under a greasy mac...

Nighbynight · 29/06/2008 18:25

it was nice to see a few serious posts about the OP among the sneering.

she did say in the thread title that she wasnt interested in getting into an argument.

TheChicken · 29/06/2008 18:26

lol at op

pagwatch · 29/06/2008 18:30

if she didn't want an arguement she should just chat amongst her friends rather than posting on an open forum.
or post on www.paedophilesaroundeverycornerandtheyall lookodd.com

lucyellensmum · 29/06/2008 18:34

LEM bashes head against her desk in despair.

"please keep your children safe and in view" - thank god you posted!!! I normally just let my two year old go off and mingle with whoever, hope against hope she doesn't wander into the road and only worry slighly when the leery looking man with big thick glasses and beer breath offers her a sweetie

WHAT is it with mumsnet this weekend? HAve i entered a paralell universe of trolldom?

scottishmum007 · 29/06/2008 18:35

I wouldn't be shocked if paedos are checking websites like this. What's the world coming to..

squeaver · 29/06/2008 18:40

I was thinking about this thread this afternoon. We went out for lunch and stopped at the park on the way back. Dh went for a post-couple of glasses of wine sit-down. DD and me went over to the swings at the other side of the park. So dh was sitting on his own and fiddling with his camera (we'd had lunch with some friends we hadn't seen for a while and he'd taken some pics of their kids and dd).

So middle-aged man, on his own, in a children's playground, faint whiff of booze, sweating slightly, with camera.

OMG!! He could have been a paedo!! I'm surprised he wasn't lynched there and then.

Snaf · 29/06/2008 18:43

You think paedophiles get their kicks from Mumsnet? Seriously?

scottishmum007 · 29/06/2008 18:45

I wouldn't be suprised at all,but there are more obvious parenting websites they would visit because of photos of babies (know these sorts of things because I have worked with these clients in the past).
and yes, they come in all shapes and sizes. sadly you cannot stereotype a paedophile.

motherinferior · 29/06/2008 18:51

I am PMSL at squeaver's DH sitting there being a normal slightly sweaty bloke.

I am sure some paedophiles do look at pics of children posted on MN - it is one reason I've never put any up, actually - and that some saunter past the school gates and yes, that some go to school fetes sometimes. But I've no idea how you can tell who's getting a thrill from being around pre-pubescent children or not. Or indeed who's going to act on that thrill, either.

FAQ · 29/06/2008 18:59

was DS1's school fair on Friday after school - it was absolutely packed in there, a few things out in the playground, bits and pieces inside. I gave DS1 £3.50 and sent him on his merry way - caught up with him about 45 minutes later....

I also "lost" DS3 (13 months) briefly - he'd just got his new shoes so I took him minus pushchair (first trip out without one!) was sat having a coffee and he was playing with a huge abacus type thing, turned round to say something to DS2, turned back again and he'd was making a sharp exit towards the door (out of view!)

orangehead · 29/06/2008 19:14

twice I have had a feeling that a person was a paedophile, of course it wasnt how they looked or infact anything I could really put my finger on. Just a sort of gut feeling. Of course I didnt do anything about it and tried not to think about it too much, how can you on just a feeling. One of the guys I found out a year later he was (he was local) the other one never saw again. There again it possible I probably walked past a few and never thought anything of it. But I sort of understand op, sometimes you get feelings about people both good and bad, you cant act on it as there is a chance you wrong but the feeling you have can get to you, upset you and often make you rethink things

scottishmum007 · 29/06/2008 19:18

i can see where op is coming from aswell, it's natural to make snap judgements of others, we are only human and it's in our nature. if you hve the ability to not think cynically then good for you, but most people will have an instinct about something but won't have the proof.

pagwatch · 29/06/2008 20:01

of course we all react instinctively.
and then we apply good sense and logic in to the mix.

cory · 29/06/2008 22:53

Nighbynight on Sun 29-Jun-08 18:25:23
'It was nice to see a few serious posts about the OP among the sneering.

she did say in the thread title that she wasnt interested in getting into an argument.'

Well, she sort of started the thread by insulting us (you PC types!). Personally I think we are in the right to give back as good as we get.
(have not called her a rude name yet, but don't really see why I shouldn't since she started it)

Then she told us she was not interested in discussion with us (in the AIBU forum!).

Then refused to give any information about how she had formed her judgment but just told us we had to accept it.

The OP has not come back to the thread to explain herself in any way.

So what are we to do? It is the AIBU forum so presumably we are called on to pass some sort of comment?

Those of us who have been unfortunate enough to suffer abuse are not willing to accept that you could walk around a fete and pick out likely offenders by sight.

Those who have children whose SN are such that they will be bound to appear odd are worried- and with good reasons. Lots of people have "instincts" about autistic people and other people with SN. In many societies such people are shunned and persecuted as they used to be in this country- since this have been common in so many human societies, it is extremely likely that it is indeed instinctive. Doesn't make it any better.

cory · 29/06/2008 22:55

Might add that I live close to Portsmouth where a disabled man was lynched and injured a few years ago by a mob of parents who had got the idea that he was a paedophile. Turned out they'd got the wrong man. Something must have gone wrong with their instincts. Not very nice for him.

Aduckorsomething · 29/06/2008 23:11

Live and let live I say. Just leave it all to fete.

Aduckorsomething · 29/06/2008 23:14

Orangehead - do you read yopur posts before you sned them or justp hopf for the best? Also please be careful before attempting to put your finger on anything, especially at a childrens' school fate.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 29/06/2008 23:18

If people can be gunned down for looking like a stereotypical paedophile, how come Alan Carr's career seems to be doing ok?

Aduckorsomething · 29/06/2008 23:23

Joolyjoolyjoo - Probably because it would be hard for an abstract idea (such as someone's career) to look like anything. Think before you post. This is important. We're protecting kids for God's sake.