Not interested in arguing with you very PC types, just saying......

[cosima]

I went to a school fete today, there were two men there that I felt could have been paedophiles. NOW, of course this thread could go in to a laborious discussion about How did I know? / How could I be so judgemental? How dare I? What a terrible world when people are so narrow minded! etc etc, but actually the only action I am taking is to say to a mums website

Please remember that school fetes are open to the public, parents feel very safe in the environment, Paedophiles go to school fetes on saturday afternoons, and PLEASE KEEP YOUR CHILDREN SAFE AND IN VIEW.

might have been dads, who had their children for the weekend, so looking a bit uncomfy if not used to the school environment.

oh cosmina - please do tell how to spot them. I see photographs of them every week and I have never managed to see a connection in the way they look

You have to be joking - either they were doing something that you should have reported or not. If not then how do you jump to these conclusions

If cosima genuinely knew they were paeds then why on earth did she not report them to the local police. I would assume there would be some sort of restriction in place for how close they can get to children?

I'm more shocked she thought this and did nothing.

But then I think she knows she's talking pants.

I think you are being a bit unfair on Cosima she was 'just saying'.

You sound very confused. I'm not sure starting this thread was a good idea for you. Can you not have a chat with a friend or go for a walk or something.

If you see paedophiles every day as part of your job then you ought to KNOW BETTER than to decide that because a man has greasy hair, or a limp, or gets on well with children, that he is not necessarily a paedophile.

Paedophiles are your brother. They are your dad, your husband, your best friend's partner, the man in the pub that you get on well with, your work colleagues. They comes in handsome, ugly, fashionably dressed, a bit strange looking, and every other permutation.

Please don't cause other people to think of child abuse as something tht only happens if you let your child talk to someone who you don't know. Or that you can 'tell' who might be a paedophile by looking at them. YOU CAN'T and this sort of attitude is irresponsible and lot more besides.

totally agree with lulamama, about they could have been dads, and also with provinciallady.

i feel sorry for a lot of men these days, in any situation, be it a school fete or bbq or anywhere children go.

i think you can not, and never will be able to spot a child abuser on appearance alone. its a ridiculous assumption to make.

I did think I had spotted a paedophile once at a funfair and I did report it to security

the man was hanging round the children in an arcade, chatting and touching them - in a friendly way but not normally something you would see in this culture

it turned out he had a learning disability and his carer was nearby keeping a close eye

I felt pretty shit about that

Franny I think there is a difference between someone's behaviour around children being a bit strange and worrying, and doing something about it, and deciding that someone just looks the type. FWIW I think you probably did the right thing although I can see why you would be upset about it.

But Franny, you did the responsible thing and told someone of your concerns. It seems Cosima didn't do that (for fear of being seen as hysterical?) so she can't have had much firm evidence to go on.

Very, very wise words from ProvincialLady there. Thank goodness the majority of parents seem level headed and rational about this type of thing.

yes I don't know cosima's reasons for thinking these men were paedophiles

there is a fine line between 'looking funny' and 'acting funny' though isn't there?

I feel unhappy that the man I reported was not doing anything in the least bit harmful to the children, yet it still made me very uncomfortable to see it

it makes you think about our whole relationship to strangers, especially men, and children, in this society

I feel sorry for men in our society actually. My best friend is male, has a 3 year old dd and 11 year old step dd. He is extremely hands on with both girls, takes days off work for sports days and school trips, went to toddler groups everything and do you know that although most were welcoming a lot of mothers thought there was something weird in it. Had it been his wife who it is less easy for to take time off work nothign would ever be said but because he is a man t is odd. He hangs around school fetes, he probably sometimes looks uncomfortable (although rarely as thankfully he is usually oblivious to these things) and people like the OP wonder why men look odd.
FFS it is because of the mass hysteria to P's that seems to be going on at the moment.

how very very sad if those men were uncomfortable fathers or male relatives.

Presume if they'd been acting like 'real' men i.e. standing around drinking beer and manfully ignoring all the kids (apart from engaging in appropriate macho horseplay with the boys), no one would have 'outed' them...

Frankly, I think Cosima has laid herself open to ridicule by refusing to provide any information as to how she could tell that these men were paedophiles. If you want posters to take you seriously you have to provide relevant information. So:

were these men actually touching children not belonging to them?

were they asking children to come back to their house/into the bushes etc?

were they offering money or sweets to strange children for no reason?

or how do you tell the one paedophile out of a crowd of fifty men?

Franny did actually explain why she reported a strange man and her reasons were good ones (though in the event the explanation turned out to be innocent)

It may be that Cosima has good reasons, but she would have to either explain them or accept that we really can't judge.

The only people I have known who were abused were abused by relatives whom nobody would have suspected in a hundred years.

On the other hand, a disabled man I used to know felt really uncomfortable walking in the park for his health because of the looks he was getting. Until he solved the problem by getting himself a dog- because obviously a man walking a dog can't be a paedophile. But a man walking without a dog would have to be. Logic.

Cosima, what on earth were you looking at all the men in the fete for? Surely you should have been keeping on eye on your kids, no?

You know, this has made me quite cross, and I was in a good mood.

It was my village fete today and it was lovely, just lovely. Going to it made me and my family happy.

lulumama made the very good point "I think keeping your children safe is generally good advice", because small children do silly things like wander off and get lost.

But you know what I do not want to be going to such events and worrying about paedophiles. I really don't.

So cosima instead of being helpful, you have made me cross.

it's a rude and antagonistic thread title, this, isn't it?

yes it is F&Z

OP, I'll bet you wouldn't be able to recognise a real paedo if one came up and shook your hand.

Frickin hilarious!! Ring the Daily Mail and I'm sure they'll give you a gold star Cosima.
What a caricature of typical tabloid reader, hysteria driven Britan you are!

"Parents, Paedophiles like school fetes"

Simply classic!!!!!!!

For one thing, they don't generally like to hang round places where the parents are going to be in close vicinity to their kids.

Kind of defeats the purpose of their MO of getting close to the kids to manipulate them, doesn't it?

About 90% of the time, children are abused by someone they know, even relatives, rather than random people hanging round a school fete.

well I do not apologise for taking the piss, and Cosima is mistaken in some of her assumptions about som of us who have declined to be shut up by her rude and dismissive thread title.

Cosima - sorry about your sister, reallY sorry - but posts about 'a man who looked like a paedophile was at a school fete' are, to my mind, actually counter-productive in any real challenge to paedophilia by protecting children.

For a start it gives a message that you can 'detect' peadophiles by looking at them. A really really dangerous message, because funnily enough, the succesful paedophile is the one who makes bloody sure thy are NOT detectable by casual observers with a stereotype in ther mind.
Secondly - OF COURSE paedophiles are likely to be at a school fete - if you are talking abut adult child-abusers most will be parents of the children, or step-parents. And in that case they will be around the school all the time - so again a 'warning' about a fete is false security- for anyone with a mind to take it seriously.

I cannot see a paedophile going for a school fete.

Too many people, too many vigilant, crb checked adults, too many parents, too many gangs of suspicious children (yes, they can be).

I could see them going for alcoholic single mothers. I could see them going for a job as a swimming instructor, or a piano teacher, or a gymnastics coach.

You'll never know anyway, they've taken to hiding their horns under greasy hair and their tails under long brown macs.

this is like brass eye.
"genetically a paedo has mor in common with this crab than you or i. there's no scientific evidence for this, but IT'S A FACT!!!"