Neighbour all of a sudden wants to be friends after years of coldness

[autumnnlies]

At first my neighbour appeared to be quite nice to me, sent me Xmas cards, said hello all the time and I would take her parcels in etc.

But she got funny when her son began kicking footballs over the fence and at times I wouldn't open the door as I would be busy with with my baby etc. Some days I did take days to throw it back as I simply forgot.

She and 2/3 other mum on the block formed a clique and I was very much excluded from.
I would often hear them slagging of other neighbours in the street etc.

I kept my distance and started ignoring her and then back.

From what I understand (it's been all over what's app group) she over heard her so called friends slagging her of the other day and made her cry.

Her son came round the other day with some rock he had got of holiday.

This came out of nowhere as before this he would just blank me when we said hello ( he is about 7).

The police have also been involved in another issue with her and another neighbour when it got physical and she was assaulted.

DH and another neighbour think she is trying to be friendly but I'm not interested due to how she has treated me for no reason.

AIBU to just continue ignoring her?

Yeah. What do they want? I wouldn't trust them.

Bet she needs someone to back her up after the other police incident or she is putting in a planning application for something (my money is on the former).

I would be cordial rather than ignoring her.

Ignoring people is rude.

But I wouldn't be looking to strike up a friendship.

She no doubt wants something but as a human being, if she has been a victim of violence then I'd probably just keep an ear open for any issues.

We both live in council homes so she probably just wants someone in her corner.

I would walk past and they would stop talking, I would open my window and it would turn to whispers, it's made me feel awful.

She would ignore me and never say hello back so I just matched her energy.

I don't see what difference it makes whether you live in a council home or not? But either way just be polite but not actively trying to cultivate a friendship.

It all sounds so dramatic with cliques and the police and all sorts. Like a school yard.

Adults should just get on with their neighbours from a respectful distance. You'd help each other in an emergency but otherwise just be polite but private.

Whatever her reason, surely she's the type of person who you want to stay as far away as possible from, Op? Stay polite but distant.

I have learned to just be civil with immediate neighbours and not get too chummy. If there is ever a problem you are stuck with the awkwardness then. So I maintain a sense of distance.

She may be looking for allies if other people have turned on her. I’d be very wary.

Sp your neighbourhood WhatsApp is gossiping about how one neighbour has fallen out with her former friends? And two neighbours got into a physical altercation that involved the police? And the main activity when she was friends with her previous posse was slagging off everyone else? Where do you live that any of this is normal?

She now needs an ally. Unless you are utterly desperate for a friend it’s Such a shame she’s not going to get one.

She was attacked and threatened by another neighbour.

She is quiet and always appeared to me as a people pleaser for her posse, i.e babysitting, and doing endless favours for them.

What makes it worse she cut my hedge back once as it was growing towards her drive and I thought it was a nice gesture and went out my way to get her a small gift to show my appreciation as that's the kind of person I am

5 minutes later the had her crew down talking about me, never again

I will defo steer clear and just maintain it how it is now as I don't want to be getting dragged into dramas.

Civil is the way to go, but not friendly.

You know she bitched about you, you know she bitched about others. You know she's only being friendly because it suits her. She was extremely rude before with the window-slamming etc.

Just keep it civil, say hello, show some interest in the rock on the doorstep but don't invite the kid in - it'll be harder to draw lines if you do, and you will need to draw lines because she sounds a real drama merchant.

I agree with PPs who’ve said be civil but not friendly.

She’s completely unreliable. You don’t have to be a doormat who’s picked up and dropped by other people at will. You’re also allowed to choose who you associate with.

Other than her child bringing rock around, I can't see that the woman has made an effort to be friendlier to you? Do you have kids and the rock was for them?

I'd remain polite, 'good morning/hello' etc but wouldn't be suddenly chummy.

Don't change anything she is not your friend. Never was and never will be. Definitely up to something fishy

@BillieWiper I don't see what difference it makes whether you live in a council home or not?

OP said that because someone said the neighbour might be being nice as she’s maybe putting in a planning application.

Nope. It all came back to her now and she’s crying. Let her cry alone.
she sounds like a nightmare. Childish, involved with the police, a big gossip- why on earth would you feel sorry for her.

But why would she need someone on her side for a planning application if she lived in a council house? The OP said that she maybe wanted someone on her side I think?

They both live in council houses, there are never going to be any planning applications.

Mindutopia said ”Bet she needs someone to back her up after the other police incident or she is putting in a planning application for something (my money is on the former).” And OP replied ”We both live in council homes so she probably just wants someone in her corner.” ‘In her corner’ = neighbours pals have started being rude so now neighbour is looking for some other mug (OP) to be friendly with.

Ok but I still don't understand what difference it makes whether she lives in a council house or not. That's what I was asking OP.

Ignore her. She’s trouble

Because someone suggested a planning issue. OP is saying no, there aren’t any planning issues and never will be any planning issues because we both live in council houses. She could also have said no, because we live in rented houses.

Ah ok, I get it now! Sorry. It took a while but I got there in the end! 🤣

Yes I have kids but they are younger than hers and can't have the rock as it's a choking hazard.

Saw her earlier and wanted to know "how I was getting on"?
She usually just scowls when she see's us.

I just left her too it.

I have never been the one to have neighbours over for tea etc, I believe fences make the best neighbours.

To be fair she was threatened and assaulted by another neighbour a few doors down hence why the police were called as the perpetrator had done this before to another (elderly neighbour).

Not to be patronising, but can I just say how nice you were in how you explained this