AIBU to think people are less sociable and friendly nowadays?

[HotPatoot]

I’ve always been a very sociable person and this worked well for me as a child through to university. I made friends everywhere I went as a child, invaluable on family holidays, starting new hobbies etc.
as I’ve got older I’m finding it near on impossible to communicate with people, everyone is so closed in their own world.

a few examples - I started a new job just after Christmas. On my break on first day I went into staff room and saw a colleague sat there on her phone so I walked over all cheerful and said “hi, I’m Patoot, it’s my first day!”. She glanced up from her phone, gave a fake smile and said “ok, hi?” ??? I followed up with “what’s your name?” So she said “Sheila”. I asked how long she’d worked there at which point she looked visibly annoyed and said “sorry i need to reply to this message” and started typing away on her phone. I made myself a cuppa and then went to sit again at her table at which point she gathered her stuff and left!!

another example - I joined a new fitness class. Before the class started I saw a woman sat on her own and went across to say hello. She smiled and told me her name so I asked if she’d done this class before and she said she had. I asked what it was like and she looked annoyed and said “it’s a fitness class?” And shrugged. I asked if she does any other classes and she got her phone out and just ignored me from then on.

example from this morning! I got on the bus, there was a woman sitting alone so I sat next to her and cheerfully commented on the traffic. She smiled, nodded and then fixed her eyes on the window away from me.

what is wrong with people these days?? AIBU to think the UK has got much less friendly or do people just become less sociable as they age??

Why ever not. Nothing wrong with chatting in the bus . We are all just human beings in this planet. It can add to the day

Your not being unreasonable opit's people they too bloody into their phones rather than make conversation with real life people it's sad
Person looking out the window has a fault she didn't know how to play it or what to say.

Yes weird, they can chat to strangers on a forum, but not people on real life. Great skills not

That conversation with a random as you put it might turn into a nice chat . You might be glad you had it.

Surely you must understand that not everyone is or wants to be sociable? They just want to be able to go to their fitness class or sit on the bus in peace without feeling like they have to entertain a stranger in small talk.

You sound intense which can also be off putting for some people.

I think people are very time poor today & often in a rush so have lower tolerance for chit chat

Not everyone raises their dc like you have!

You’re still trying to make friends like a child would. I wish it was still that easy! Adults are very guarded. You’re just appearing out of nowhere and asking them their name. You need to play it cool!

I would fake being nice to you in those instances but I think it sounds like it’s all very forced. You can take your time and let these things come naturally. Like at the gym, I didn’t talk to anyone for a couple of weeks, the odd smile then slowly the odd comment about how hard it was then eventually a bit more. No one wants forcing Into a conversation. It’s not rude, it’s just a bit of an invasion if you do it so forcefully

Exactly.

I’ve taken buses all my life and before mobiles were the norm, it was often a handful of people talking and most people either reading (book, newspaper, magazine), sleeping, listening to music on headphoness, or staring out the window. I’ve been on buses in different countries and it isn’t that much different, it is usually silent.

I like interacting with people but I agree that you sound too intense. I like time by myself and don't want complete strangers making conversation every time I am sitting alone (which I do a lot). I say hello to lots of people and am happy with a brief chat, what I don't want is people seeing me sitting alone with my thoughts and thinking I am desperate for company when I'm not.

I also chat to my neighbours a lot, and also sometimes to people I meet out and about. However that is totally different to sitting on a bus or somewhere like a cafe and having complete strangers feeling they need to save me from my loneliness when I'm not lonely. If someone sits next to me on a bus because there are no other seats and wants to chat I am happy to, I just don't want people pouncing on me because they think I must want company

And I might not, what could I possibly get out of it ?

Several people have explained upthread that before mobiles there were books and magazines. Also headphones.

Could you please explain why not wanting to be talked at by some stranger is so bad? I’m genuinely interested to know why your need to bother people trumps their need to be left alone.

Tbf I often have a lot to cram into my work break. I might need to make phone calls or reply to text messages, then on straight back having to work.
I’m afraid I really, really do not like having my personal space invaded.
I absolutely hate strangers sitting next to me. The only way I can tolerate it is if the train or bus is rammed and there are no other spare seats.
I’m not looking for small talk. I like peace and quiet. I have a full on job and want to unwind without some randomer forcing me to have a conversation. That may come across as rude. I do reply to people but that’s it.

Are you saying the person looking out the window was in the wrong because she didn’t know how to deal with it? Wow.

As for chatting on a forum, do you not see the difference between that and being bothered by a stranger in real life? If I choose to post on the internet then it is exactly that - a choice. If some randomer insists on talking at me in real life then it’s harder to extract myself

The attitude of some of the extroverts on this thread that they feel introverts are unreasonable for not wanting to be besties immediately has been interesting.

I now know that I can be rude to people who do that as they clearly don’t respect me or my right not to have some stranger bending my ear.

I also think there has been a shift in how females are now allowed to just exist, like the way makes always have. My DDs know that they do not owe anyone their time, least of all some creepy older man.
I have taught them that they have every right to point blank refuse to engage in conversations or indeed any kind of interaction.
I do make exceptions for the elderly who might be lonely.
Yes I know young people might be lonely but I’m not the world’s saviour. My own peace is worth more than that.

I remember a bloke insisting on talking to me on a train one night.

I was tired, had a bit of a headache & really wanted to just gaze out of the window until I reached my stop. Even when I politely explained that, he persisted with ‘I know you said you don’t want to talk, but…’

I was worried that if I pretended to fall asleep I’d actually do it & miss my stop. In the end I got off early & ran to the next carriage.

He might have been lonely, he might have had difficulties that meant he couldn’t understand I genuinely didn’t want to talk.

Not my problem. Even if I hadn’t felt rough, chatting with strange blokes has never once ended well.

I think in general terms, you’re right, people are much less friendly and sociable. When I was growing up, we knew everyone on our street. Now I know my immediate neighbour on one side and an elderly couple across the street. There’s less of a sense of community.

That said, sometimes people rightly just don’t want to be bothered. If I’m in the gym, I don’t want a chat. The other week, I had half hour to kill somewhere and really just wanted a coffee and to read my book; a woman insisted on making endless small talk with me for the duration.

Harsh comments - which I think proves your question..... I absolutely agree, people are far more self absorbed, rude & impolite these days. I work in hospitality (after giving up a senior NHS role) & I'm amazed how badly people behave.....& I thought I'd seen the worst of it.

Perhaps people are less friendly now but I’ve never been particularly sociable to strangers. Just because someone is sat on their own doesn’t mean they’re lonely or wish to talk to someone

You could argue it's self absorbed and rude to park yourself next to someone and intrude in their personal space assuming that the person is there just for your entertainment. Especially in the bus situation.

Take a look at the meaning of the word ‘horrifying’ in a dictionary, take a look at a newspaper and everything that is going on in the world, and then come back here and re-read your post. I think you’ll find that you’ve overstated your case.

I'm as introverted as they come and I wouldn't mind OP at all. Don't paint all introverts as stuck up and rude.

Okay how about ‘rude’, ‘cringeworthy’, ‘embarrassing’, ‘lacking social awareness’?

Just because there are major world events happening, we are still allowed to be horrified by the behaviour of others.

The work one is the worst though. If OP’s place of work is anything like anywhere I have ever worked, foisting herself onto some random colleague who had given consistent signals that she didn’t want to talk will likely have given OP the reputation of being ‘in your face’ - that’s never a good start to a job and she may find people actively avoiding social situations when she is there

Heaven help him on here if OP turns out to be a man!