What do you consider late?

[TheOnlyWayIsYazz]

I don't mean for something like a job interview where punctuality is vital, or for anything with a rigid start time. I mean just to meet someone or get somewhere in general.

When I'm meeting one friend of mine - who I do love dearly, by the way! - she insists on messaging me to let me know what time she's planning to leave, what time she HAS left and then, if she's even a couple of minutes behind schedule, will message again to say she's going to be a few minutes late; usually with added detail around the tube getting stuck behind the red signal, the escalator being broken or whatever. It makes me laugh, because if two or three minutes either way matters, she could be 30 seconds earlier by not sending the bloody messages 😁

I'm totally different. I wouldn't even notice someone being less than ten minutes late; it just feels like a normal margin of error. I certainly wouldn't message. If you're going to be 20 minutes or half an hour late then yes, tell me, but otherwise, why bother? I'm not your boss; I'm not going to make you do overtime to make up for it!

10 minutes is late imo!

My real pet peeve is not just people who are late, its people that tell you they've left when they havent, people that actively lie about how late they are. If I know your running 30 mins late I can entertain myself, but if Im expecting you to turn up any minute then I might wait to say order a drink

Ha ha. Made me laugh. I think your friend's messages could turn out to be very useful should she be involved in a crime, an accident or incident involving her personal safety or national security. Plenty of evidence! I'm someone who's either early or on time. I can't do late. But if it's unavoidable, like train broken down, I'll text.

I mean if you knew they were going to turn up on the dot anyway you might as well have saved yourself some time and turned up on the dot as well

I don't see a problem with turning up on time for a meet up. I think its a bit unreasonable to consider that a flaw

If we are meeting on the street I’d expect punctuality, in a restaurant etc if the table isn’t a limited slot up I’d expect someone to tell me if they were likely to be more than about two minutes late, and I’d be irritated if they were more than 10 mins late without a good reason. I’m in my 50s now with a busy job and two children so time is very limited.
I have a friend who used to be constantly late and I remember my German boyfriend being FURIOUS with her for being 25 mins late, I didn’t understand him at all. Now I do.

She actually improved a lot after I really lost it one time with her when I’d left work early to meet her on time and she was an hour late. I had a cracking headache and it got worse and worse as I waited to eat (now I’d just order something but guess in those days I didn’t have the money to be ordering extra dishes…)

Meeting at mine or friends houses, up to half an hour late is fine and expected. Meeting to actually do something, anything above 15 minutes is annoying and requires communication. Family events where there are lots of us, within the hour is expected and fine.

People get really annoyed over these things but as long as there is a shared understanding it works. Not everyone feels the need to be early for everything.

And this is why we cant be friends with everyone. I am much more like you op. This 1 min late is too late is just not in my DNA. I am usually on time but 5-10 mins either way for me or the friend meeting me is fine as far as I am concerned.

The on time is late brigade just dont want to be my friend and vice versa so most of my friends are like me or sometimes they run a lot later as I tend to forgive the odd one of those too, though not if it's constant

Exactly. Context is very important too

I still think half an hour late is very late no matter the context.

If I have invited people over then a) I may have come home at a particular time so they can visit and b) I will have had to stop and clear things up ready for whatever time they're arriving. If I am painting or whatever, it can't just be left at the drop of a hat. Similarly if I have DIY to be doing. And that's working on the basis I'm not cooking!

I think up to 15 minutes late is okay if you're at home, unless there's a meal involved, or if you really can't manage to be on time then agree a range and aim for the beginning so when you're late you're there by the end.

As above, context is everything!
Be on time or message otherwise

• Meeting friend for a swim at 12.00 during the working week.
• Being collected at the end of the road to get a lift somewhere.
• A table booking.
• People who you know really care about timing - it may not matter for whatever you're doing, but you care about them so make sure you're not late.

Being up to 10 mins late is OK

• When you're using public transport to meet before doing something together later in the day. Hopefully you've added transport delay time to the schedule.
• Informal "Let's meet in the cafe for a cuppa" on a non-work day.

My personal observation is people who are late themselves tend to be more tolerant of other people being late. They also tend to fail to let people know if they are running late.

People (like me) who tend to be early / on time find being unexpectedly late stressful and are more likely to send messages / updates, they are also much less tolerant of other's being late especially without any notice

Neither is ever going to change their ways so acceptance goes a long way.

I have one friend who is perpetually late so I make sure we meet somewhere I have something to do (window shop / grab a coffee / quick walk etc) so I'm not left bored whilst waiting. I arrive, message and say "let me know when you arrive" and get on with something until she arrives. Usually it's just 10/15 minutes but has occasionally been longer. We're 30 years into a friendship so she isn't suddenly going to start being on time and I am never going to be purposely late. I did ask years ago for a message if there are any significant delays though!!

This thread reminds me why I rarely agree to arrive at a very precise time. I usually say I'll be there between 7.15 and 7.30pm . That way there is a 15 min margin. I aim for 7.15 but sometimes it is closer to 7.30 by the time I arrive. That way the person.meeting me can choose to arrive early or even at 7.40pm as that would be ok with me.

Obviously not for things when arrival time counts but for social and casual meetups or at someones house, I do this a lot. Noone complains

This is where we are all different. I understand the making sure you’re home but surely there are a million things you could be doing so it’s not wasted time. Ok, you can’t be painting but surely you could be doing something else. My friends and I often cook while each other is there so again it’s a non-issue for me; my friend’s visit doesn’t stop me doing things.
Funnily enough, when it’s home visits we do usually say 2ish rather than a strict 2 which again proves my point about communication.

If someone is alone, I would let them know if I'm even goingto be a little late, and I'd do my best not to be.
People are often very busy with work, kids, family care etc, and I'd try not to be disrespectful of their time.

Late is anything other than your clock being off by a minute or two so not all parties agree on the exact time. In the age of smartphones, that means the precise time.

I think if it's up to 5 mins late I wouldn't bother messaging in advance, although I'd probably still say sorry in late when I arrived - and I am chronically late for everything, so I have to do this a lot. Beyond 5 mins I'd try to get in touch, if possible and if it wasn't going to slow me down too much.

10 minutes.

The general rule is to text at the point you know you're going to be late, ideally before the other person sets off, especially if you'll be more than 10 mins late so the person can delay their own departure or not worry about their own delay.

So if it takes us both 30 minutes to get to the venue and were meeting at 6pm, text me by 5:40 to say you're running 10 mins late, or just be 10 mins late if driving.

If it takes us both 30 mins and you'll be 15 mins late, you obviously know that youre running late before id be setting so text me before then so I can adjust my leaving time.

If me and a friend are meeting for coffee at 3 I will be planning on being there for 2.55, if I thought I was going to be later than that I send a text saying I might be a few minutes late, even if I was parking at 2.59 I would text saying I was on my way in!
I hate lateness I just think it’s so rude.

Every week I take my friend food shopping, pick her up at 10 ish. I always text to say I'll be up in a minute/ might be a few minutes late, followed by one to say I'm leaving now or on the way. It makes no odds if I'm late, shops will still be there BUT the arranged time is 10 o'clock so I'll keep her informed.
I've got another friend who's always late so if we go anywhere and I'm picking her to, I text at 10/ 5 minutes to to remind her of the time, text when I'm leaving and have told her if she's not ready I'll go without her. She's always ready then!

On time is my expectation. Being early is on time, anything late is late and I would expect that to be very exceptional circumstances, not habitual. I don’t do late, it stresses me out.

Once it hits 10 minutes late without a genuine good reason I’m out of there.

I’m going home or I’ve ordered my food if you don’t care then why should I care.

Agree with this

I would find this annoying, I don't need to know every step you take.
It's not common courtesy, it's irritating.

Late is a choice made by people who think their time is more important than yours.

I don't waot. If someone doesn't turn up on time, I'm gone.