What do you consider late?

[TheOnlyWayIsYazz]

I don't mean for something like a job interview where punctuality is vital, or for anything with a rigid start time. I mean just to meet someone or get somewhere in general.

When I'm meeting one friend of mine - who I do love dearly, by the way! - she insists on messaging me to let me know what time she's planning to leave, what time she HAS left and then, if she's even a couple of minutes behind schedule, will message again to say she's going to be a few minutes late; usually with added detail around the tube getting stuck behind the red signal, the escalator being broken or whatever. It makes me laugh, because if two or three minutes either way matters, she could be 30 seconds earlier by not sending the bloody messages 😁

I'm totally different. I wouldn't even notice someone being less than ten minutes late; it just feels like a normal margin of error. I certainly wouldn't message. If you're going to be 20 minutes or half an hour late then yes, tell me, but otherwise, why bother? I'm not your boss; I'm not going to make you do overtime to make up for it!

I agree. Up to 5 minutes late - no message needed. Any time from 5 minutes late on needs one - just one - message with a realistic ETA. 5-10 minutes late is acceptable timing. 10-20 mins late is rude if for a short meet-up like a coffee or a lunch in the working day where minutes matter; but acceptable for a longer meet like a day out or a dinner. 20 minutes onwards starts to be in rudely late territory.

I know it sounds unreasonable! Really I do.

But over nearly a 3 week period it began to feel, I don't know, somehow performative. The whole group is gathered and waiting, including the tour leader, so when this person swans serenely in to reception it's " Ok Ethel is here so now we can go". Arguably we could all have done exactly that but I guess the rest of us were of the mindset "She said to be there at 8am so we'll go down at five to."

I'm habitually early. Can't remember the last time I was late for anything.

I wouldn't want or need a message if a friend was going to be under 20 mins late.

I'd be fairly annoyed if it got over 30 minutes. But I'm never in this situation now, everyone is pretty reliable!

5 minutes or more id def text.
2 or 3 minutes late id maybe give an update “just parking” “just off the train”
its more so they know that they won’t be waiting long and common courtesy

I’d agree on all of these, and I’m slightly disturbed by how many people on this thread notice and judge if someone is literally one minute late! And those who say “on time is late”. I mean, it really isn’t. If you want people to arrive 5 minutes early then tell them to meet at 10.55 rather than 11.00.

My sister can be up to two hours late, if she doesn't message and goes ten minutes over, we now leave. She has been on her last warnings this year, re meeting up with the children. We don't mind her running late, it's when we could have grabbed a drink/gone in another shop she wouldn't be interested in, but have just been stuck waiting at the meeting place, that annoys us. Since we've put boundaries in place, she now let's us know. She's sat in my house, knowing she is late going to a friend's and not cared. Because I've been subject to her, I tend to let people know I'm on my way/delayed.

I detest lateness, its a disregard for other people's time. I would always let people know if I got held up in traffic etc. That said, i almost always aim to be early, and that way I am almost never late even if I hit a delay.

My in-laws are always late to everything and don't seem to care or notice. They will book a restaurant at 7, walk through the doors at 9.30 and then get angry if they refuse to seat them. I don't get it at all.

She has good ettiquett. You do not. Simple.

Ah but its the people who take your view who are over optimistic about how long it takes to get anywhere. People always forget to allow for finding a parking space, a bit of traffic, realising you are low on petrol & need to refuel etc. Then they arrive 15 mins late and say "i did leave at half past but the traffic on the m25 was awful". (The traffic on the m25 is always awful). The polite thing to do is to allow a bit of contigency to avoid being late all the time.

I honestly couldn't have married someone like this. It would be such a red flag for me.

Depends a bit on the situation but I would generally say up to 5 mins late isn't really late. More than that would generally warrant communication.

On time is within a couple of minutes of the greed time, anything after that is late, I wouldn’t expect or bother myself with multiple texts but if I knew I would be 10 minutes late I’d text

It's basic manners imo

I probably would message if I thought I’d be more than 5 mins late. If it was more than 10 mins I’d be worried about it and think that was rude of me.

But I’m not talking about finding people regularly arriving 15 minutes late rude! I’m talking about people who have said that it’s not acceptable to arrive one minute late. The two things are not the same.

Five minutes. Even then I'd message to tell the person waiting. Punctuality is respectful.

I would consider anything more than 10 mins as late and wouldn't be too happy unless there was a valid excuse or they'd let me know they were running late. I've actually dropped a couple of friends because of their constant lateness which seemed to me as if they valued their time more than mine

Anything around 1-10 mins is ok really unless we're going somewhere where we have to be dead on time

Providing that (in certain circumstances) the person who is early doesn't make their presence known. For a dentist apointment or something fine, for a house visit to a friend a definite no. I hate those unexpected early arrivals !

I always let people know when I’ve left and if there are any delays, it’s horrible to be waiting for people and to not even know if they’re on their way.

. I wouldn't even notice someone being less than ten minutes late; it just feels like a normal margin of error
My feeling is the OP is a "late" person and assumes others are the same or don't mind.. I wouldn't even notice someone being less than ten minutes late; it just feels like a normal margin of error.
On time is the time agreed, after that is late and it's good manners to let people know if you are going to be late.

I have an ( ex) friend who was always Late - to the point I knew she wouldn’t leave theirs until the time they were due at ours. We started telling them an hour earlier than we’d prepare food for and at first that worked then she cottoned on and was even late with that hour leeway. It’s like she thought her time was more valuable than ours. I’d much rather have a friend like yours who is thoughtful.

I wouldn't wait around for someone who didn't have the courtesy to tell me they were going to be late, when they knew that.

5 minutes is my maximum. After that I will be calling asking where you are - and if you're still at home then it's time to reschedule.

People who think it's okay to make others wait around for them, wasting their time seem to be those who have a very high opinion of themselves - that they are 'worth the wait'.

Very few people are worth the wait.

There's a lot of nuance I would say

Meeting up for coffee,1 on 1, if say we'd agreed to meet at 1 Id expect anywhere from 10 to to 5 past. Up to 10 past Id consider a bit late and would appreciate a message, but wouldn't bother me too much. After 10 past with no message your late and Id think rude

If a bigger group Id be a bit more flexible, although still appreciate a message. If going round someones house Id usually expect more 10/15 mins late as I think its rude to turn up early to someones house.

Ultimately its nice to know when someones turning up and sending a message doesnt actually delay you if your on the tube for example

Anything more than 5-7 minutes late and I’m letting them know